Tag: Amanda Nunes

Fight Night 62 Aftermath/Results: Maia Dominates LaFlare, Koscheck & Baszler Edge Closer to Retirement in Night of Thrilling Finishes


(Photo via Getty.)

Fight Night 62 was one of those cards that, while appearing just abysmal on paper, actually turned out to be a rather entertaining affair. I mean, sure, the main card broadcast dragged along at it’s typical sloth-like pace — something that the UFC desperately needs to change but sadly never will — and the main event wasn’t exactly the kind of barnburner we’ve come to expect from a Demian Maia fight (sarcasm), but Fight Night 62 more than made up for its lack of name power with exciting finishes. It was also a card that signaled the (competitive) end of at least two MMA careers and the possible resurgence of another, so join us after the jump for a full breakdown of what went down in Rio over the weekend.


(Photo via Getty.)

Fight Night 62 was one of those cards that, while appearing just abysmal on paper, actually turned out to be a rather entertaining affair. I mean, sure, the main card broadcast dragged along at it’s typical sloth-like pace — something that the UFC desperately needs to change but sadly never will — and the main event wasn’t exactly the kind of barnburner we’ve come to expect from a Demian Maia fight (sarcasm), but Fight Night 62 more than made up for its lack of name power with exciting finishes. It was also a card that signaled the (competitive) end of at least two MMA careers and the possible resurgence of another, so join us after the jump for a full breakdown of what went down in Rio over the weekend.

Let’s start things off a little off the beaten path, by awarding our official GIF-Worthy Finish of the Night (GWFotN) to Fredy Serrano, who kicked off Fight Night 62 in style by absolutely starching Bentley Syler with an uppercut in the second round.

Really, the entire undercard was a veritable potpourri of violence and terrible reffing decisions, as we’ve come to expect more and more with each UFC card. Take for instance, the second fight of the night, in which Christos Giagos submitted Jorge de Oliveira with a rear-naked choke in the first round. Yet despite the fact that Oliveira CLEARLY tapped, I don’t know, 6 times? And despite the fact that referee Eduardo Hely was in no way obstructed from seeing this tap, he allowed Giagos to continue choking Oliveira for a few more completely unnecessary seconds. You can check out a gif of that absolute bullshit here.

Speaking of absolute bullshit and/or Eduardo Hely, I’m sure that you’ve already heard by now of the Drew Dober-Leandro Silva fight, which resulted in what might just be the worst stoppage in UFC history. I…I can’t even begin to explain what the Hell was going through Hely’s mind on this one, so let’s just watch the gif and angrily spit out leftover Chinese food on our computer monitors.

I swear to God, it’s like MMA refs are doing their damndest in recent weeks to make MMA judges look like the more competent of the two. For what it’s worth, Dober was given his win bonus that night, and Eduardo Hely will likely face no action of consequence for his horrendous night at bat.

Let’s move onto the main card, wherein Godofredo Pepey continued his improbable (and incredibly flashy) run of finishes with a slick flying triangle over the heavily-favored Andrey Fili. The Team Alpha Male stud was impressive early, peppering Pepey with quick shots and generally out moving him, but as soon as he entered the clinch game with the TUF Brazil runner-up, disaster struck. Pepey used the cage to leap into a flying triangle, which he then worked for next minute or so until Fili finally gave in. It marked the third straight highlight reel finish (and performance bonus) for Pepey, who is quickly rocketing up the featherweight rankings.

I suppose I could talk to you about Gilbert Burns’ hail mary armbar over late replacement opponent Alex Oliveira, or Leonardo Santos’ second round sub of Tony Martin, but really, I want to talk about two fighters who looked in need of a Joe Rogan Career Assessment: Josh Koscheck and Shayna Baszler.

The former faced a quick turnaround against Erick Silva on Saturday following his second round submission loss to Jake Ellenberger at UFC 184. For those hoping a fight against a young gun would light a fire under the longtime UFC veteran’s keester, you were right. For about 30 seconds. Though he came out aggressive early, Koscheck — as he did against Ellenberger — went into retreat mode once he felt the power of his opponent. After eating a couple shots along the fence, you could practically see the confidence start to drain from the veteran as Silva took him down and locked in a fight-ending guillotine choke. Koscheck has now lost his past 5 fights in a row, and retirement seems imminent.

Baszler, on the other hand, has looked less and less effective with each passing fight. She has secured exactly 1 victory since 2010, and had less to offer Amanda Nunes than she did Bethe Correia or Julianna Pena in her only other UFC appearances (one of which was on TUF 18, but you get what I’m saying) before succumbing to a leg kick TKO in the first round. A pioneer of WMMA she may be, but Baszler’s time as a top-level fighter has clearly passed her by, and we just hope that either she or the UFC are able to recognize this.

Which brings us to the main event of the evening. In what was similarly being billed as a passing of the guard fight from Demian Maia to Ryan LaFlare, the former utterly dominated the latter with takedowns and top control for four straight rounds. Most noticeable during the fight was the 37 year old Maia’s much-improved wrestling and sweep skills, which left LaFlare looking like an overmatched grappling partner desperate searching for a lifeline. It was a fight that was supposed to announce LaFlare’s arrival into the welterweight top 10, yet ended up being one that Demian Maia proved that he’s still got something left in the gas tank (metaphorically speaking of course, as Maia was absolutely torched by the fifth round). How much exactly remains to be seen.

Full results for Fight Night 62 are below.

Main Card (on FOX Sports 1)
Demian Maia def. Ryan LaFlare by unanimous decision
Erick Silva def. Josh Koscheck by submission (guillotine choke) at 4:21, R1
Leonardo Santos def. Tony Martin by submission (rear-naked choke) at 2:29, R2
Amanda Nunes def. Shayna Baszler by TKO (leg kicks) at 1:56, R1
Gilbert Burns def. Alex Oliveira by submission (arm bar) at 4:14, R3
Godofredo Pepey  def. Andre Fili by submission (triangle choke) at 3:14, R1

Preliminary Card
Francisco Trinaldo def. Akbarh Arreola by unanimous decision
Kevin Souza def. Katsunori Kikuno by KO at 1:31, R1
Leandro “Buscape” Silva def. Drew Dober by submission (guillotine choke) at 2:45, R2
Leonardo Mafra Teixeira def. Cain Carrizosa by unanimous decision
Christos Giagos def. Jorge de Oliveira by submission (rear-naked choke) at 3:12, R1
Fredy Serrano def. Bentley Syler by KO at 1:34, R3

Conor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier: Actual Full Fight Video Highlights

Remember last week when we went apeshit over MMA sites purporting to have full-fight video highlights but not actually delivering?

In case you don’t remember, loads of site posted “full fight video highlights” of the fight between Mark Hunt and Roy Nelson. The only problem was the highlights were missing the most important part: The knockout.

The highlight video above is much better. While it cuts away right before the fight is stopped, it shows just enough of Conor McGregor‘s first-round KO of Dustin Poirier for you to get the idea of how it went down.

And do you know what else is awesome? Pretty much all the other “full fight video highlights” from UFC 178 are the same. They actually show the parts you want to see. Chalk up another victory for the Potato Nation. It seems our irreverence is finally starting to make a difference in the world of MMA SEO clickbaiting.

Watch the other highlights after the jump, and be sure to enjoy your 40-seconds of violence and anodyne commentary!

Remember last week when we went apeshit over MMA sites purporting to have full-fight video highlights but not actually delivering?

In case you don’t remember, loads of sites posted “full fight video highlights” of the fight between Mark Hunt and Roy Nelson. The only problem was the highlights were missing the most important part: The knockout.

The highlight video above is much better. While it cuts away right before the fight is stopped, it shows just enough of Conor McGregor‘s first-round KO of Dustin Poirier for you to get the idea of how it went down.

And do you know what else is awesome? Pretty much all the other “full fight video highlights” from UFC 178 are the same. They actually show the parts you want to see. Chalk up another victory for the Potato Nation. It seems our irreverence is finally starting to make a difference in the world of MMA SEO clickbaiting.

Here are some of the other highlights. Enjoy your 40-seconds of violence and anodyne commentary!

And the UFC was even kind enough to put the entire Dominick Cruz vs. Takeya Mizugaki fight on YouTube.

Cutting Through The Bullshit: UFC 178 Edition


Low and behold, the answer to all of our political problems. (Photo by Esther Lin of MMA Fighting)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us all pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the most compelling scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style.


(Photo via Getty)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the biggest scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style:

Demetrious Johnson Is Incredible, But So Was Jesus Christ

Look, it’s pretty obvious Johnson is a spectacular combatant, the most dominant champion in the organization, and a fighter so technically sound he generates silence throughout the arena because the fans are simply in awe of him.

Well, no.

It’s apparent “Mighty Mouse” isn’t really a pay-per-view star, and he’s suited best for FOX broadcasts moving forward. He’s definitely capable of generating interest in a co-main event, much like he and Cariaso were supposed to do at UFC 177, yet headlining the whole PPV shebang may not be his forte.

But that really isn’t his fault. He’s more so a victim of consequence here. The flyweight title fight wasn’t supposed to headline this card, however, a title fight should have enough power to generate interest on its own. You can say he’s still in a transitional phase, yet UFC 174 is still pretty fresh in our minds.

Anyhow, his win over Cariaso was like watching Sid Justice maul a jobber on Saturday mornings, and it’s funny to think that even though the champ was in a relatively easy fight, nobody is mentioning that it’s his third stoppage victory in his pas four title defenses. He was also asked one question at the post-fight presser (well, two, but from the same person … so, one).

Donald Cerrone vs. Eddie Alvarez Was One of The Best Main Events Of The Year

2014 has been fairly good to us in the main event department. If Johnson vs. Cariaso lacked that particular oomph, then Cerrone vs. Alvarez was straight up going to be some deep-fried organized violence.

It turned out to be a great fight, one all too familiar for “Cowboy.” After a difficult and lopsided first round, Cerrone turned it on in the second and started to hack away at the Bellator champion’s legs, eventually breaking that tree down and earning the unanimous decision victory.

Cerrone’s been through the thick and thin, and by defeating Alvarez, he’s either going to be in another title eliminator bout, or finally challenge for UFC gold. As for the “Underground King,” it wasn’t the worst of debuts, yet that’s just what UFC wanted … another Bellator guy stifled by a golden boy employee who takes on all jobs.

Conor McGregor Is The Next Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Michael Jordan, And Walt Disney

If you watched the post-fight press conference, you noticed the Irishman sitting there glowing in his ivory elephant trunk suit, with every member of the media asking him the same three questions he’s been asked for the past year. Hell, he even got a post-fight media scrum.

Don’t get it twisted; “Notorious” truly is the biggest prospect in the UFC right now, and to be honest, he pretty much surpassed that status last night with a first-round TKO over the always-game Dustin Poirier. Did that shot hit “Diamond” in the back of the head? Did McGregor land more shots to the back of the head when following up?

It’s kind of subjective at this point. Whether he did or didn’t, it shouldn’t overshadow his performance. He was awarded the victory after all, and we’ve seen a lot more clusterfucks than that in the past.

UFC’s legendary Hall of Fame broadcaster Mike Goldberg compared him to Michael Jordan, not to mention Uncle Dana saying he was bigger than Brock Lesnar, the biggest draw the sport had ever seen. McGregor is going to Brazil to sit cageside with his homies at UFC 179, so don’t be surprised if he’s slotted in the Octagon as the next contender to the featherweight strap. We’re not going to assess if he deserves a title shot or not … we’re just going to predict what we think will happen, seeing that UFC as a whole thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Yoel Romero Sitting On His Stool, Giving Less Fucks Than Ricky Rozay

Romero’s battle alongside Tim Kennedy was pretty good while it lasted, and subject to a boatload of controversy. Romero was basically out on his stool, and after “a UFC employee put too much Vaseline on him,” he sat there for about half a minute while his corner “attempted” to leave the cage.

There’s no question that if any of us were the American, we’d be pissed. “Soldier of God” was dazed, and it looked like he was prepared to vomit at any moment. Still, he comes out in the third round and completely torches Kennedy in the biggest win of his career.

Sorry UFC, but victim blaming won’t work here. That one was on “Big” John McCarthy, and it’s puzzling to think one of the best officials in the game let that one slip by. Like, dude, at least tell the guy to stand up and ask him questions.

Then again, maybe he missed this, too?

Cat Zingano Win Inspiring, But Please, Leave Her Alone

“Alpha” has been through a lot in the past year. Joe Rogan hinted at in her post-fight interview after her comeback win over Amanda Nunes in the third round, but failed to say what happened, which led to an honest assessment of Zingano saying she just wanted to go home, spend time with her son, and happy she got that shit over with.

Zingano’s third-round stoppage over the Brazilian was ultra inspiring, with the majority of the sport’s observers feeling genuinely happy for the next women’s bantamweight number one contender. However, let’s give it a rest, and leave her alone. I’ve always felt indifferent when it comes to exploring one’s personal circumstances in a difficult time, and unlike the next fighter on the list, Zingano went through hardship that nobody deserves to go through. So for next time, let’s not hint at her troubles multiple times (Rogan & Goldie) without mentioning what happened, and let her enjoy possibly the biggest win of her life?

It could be worse, though. Cue Ben Askren in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Dominick Cruz Is The Best Pound-For-Pound Athlete In The Universe, Currently Sitting In CRUZ Control

Imagine what you live for is taken away from you for three years. We’re not talking about being abstinent, you horny pervert. In Cruz’s case, we had no idea how he was going to look. He never lost the bantamweight championship, yet his last bout was three years ago, and there was a plethora of questions regarding his physical and mental state.

Call it a travesty that his fight against Takeya Mizugaki was on the FS1 prelims, although it was the best-case scenario. Dozens of thousands of viewers witnessed DOMIN8TION for free, with Cruz mauling Mizugaki after landing a takedown which may or may not have given most of us at this website an instant erection.

Credit the brass for booking Cruz against T.J. Dillashaw next, because frankly, that’s the only sensible option. “Dominator” could have fought Urijah Faber, too, especially after his post-fight jab, but let’s not pretend last night’s winner lost his title and didn’t beat Faber in convincing fashion three years ago.

All In All …

It was a perfect night of fights. Truth be told, it was the type of card we live for, and the reason we still wake up at freaking 5AM to watch putrid battles featuring foreign fighters with 2-0 records. Honestly, it felt like 2007 all over again.

In the end, we got a main event that had less drawing power than a George Lopez sitcom, a superstar’s official coming out party, #stoolgate, and two competitors that were granted guaranteed title shots (with two others in the championship limelight, also). That’s the UFC we know. That’s the pain we face. That’s why after all this time, we still put up with Stemm.

Enjoy it while you can. It’s not like we’re treated to these gifts every weekend anymore, however, something tells me the rest of the year heading into the next could be something special.

Cat Zingano Returns! Faces Amanda Nunes on Honest-to-God Stacked UFC 178 Card in September

(WE’VE EARNED THIS!!!!)

Fresh off a 14-second flying armbar victory over some broad at a UFC Fan Expo, Cat Zingano finally has her return fight booked. The former #1 contender will take on hard-hitting Amanda Nunes on September 27th at UFC 178: Jones vs. Gustafsson II, which despite having just 4 fights booked, is already more stacked than any PPV card we will see before or after it (*laughs, then cries into whiskey glass*).

Zingano’s placement on the card seems both highly fitting, given that UFC 178 will also feature the return of Dominick Cruz from *his* ACL/groin injury, and a hell of a gamble on the UFC’s part, if you ask me. Oh well, I’m sure everything will work out fine.

The fight will be the first in what has been an emotionally and physically trying 18 months for Zingano, who has been forced to deal with both the ACL injury that removed her from the title picture and the unexpected and shocking suicide of her husband/coach, Mauricio. Should she defeat Nunes in triumphant fashion, expect a Lifetime movie at the very minimum to be made in “Alpha’s” honor — something like Not Without My 4 oz. Gloves or Uncaged Passion: The Cat Zingano Story. 


(WE’VE EARNED THIS!!!!)

Fresh off a 14-second flying armbar victory over some broad at a UFC Fan Expo, Cat Zingano finally has her return fight booked. The former #1 contender will take on hard-hitting Amanda Nunes on September 29th at UFC 178: Jones vs. Gustafsson II, which despite having just 4 fights booked, is already more stacked than any PPV card we will see before or after it (*laughs, then cries into whiskey glass*).

Zingano’s placement on the card seems both highly fitting, given that UFC 178 will also feature the return of Dominick Cruz from *his* ACL/groin injury, and a hell of a gamble on the UFC’s part, if you ask me. Oh well, I’m sure everything will work out fine.

The fight will be the first in what has been an emotionally and physically trying 18 months for Zingano, who has been forced to deal with both the ACL injury that removed her from the title picture and the unexpected and shocking suicide of her husband/coach, Mauricio. Should she defeat Nunes in triumphant fashion, expect a Lifetime movie at the very minimum to be made in “Alpha’s” honor — something like Not Without My 4 oz. Gloves or Uncaged Passion: The Cat Zingano Story. 

Nunes has also been out of action for a significant, albeit much shorter period of time than Zingano as well. After kickstarting her UFC career with two decisive first round TKOs in 2013, Nunes was offered the chance to fill in for an injured Shayna Baszler against former title challenger Sarah Kaufman at the TUF Nations Finale back in April. She accepted, only to be similarly struck down with a dislocated thumb five days later. The Zingano fight will make for her first since November of last year.

Will Zingano pick up where she left off? Or will Nunes prove to be the next challenger worthy of a Ronda Rousey ass-whippin’? Will we ever stop inserting this video of Zingano stretching into every last post about her, no matter how unnecessary it is? Tune into UFC 178 to find out! (except for that last question, the answer to which is no.)

–J. Jones

And Now *She’s* Fired: Sheila Gaff Axed by the UFC Following Consecutive First Round TKO Losses


(She might not have been the best fighter in the division, but Gaff had the best throwing-a-punch face in the biz. Photo via Getty.)

In a move signifying that equality in the octagon has finally been achieved, bantamweight Sheila Gaff has been released from the UFC. Following a pair of first round TKO losses to Sara McMann and Amanda Nunes at UFC 159 and UFC 163, respectively, Gaff’s departure was passed along by the German website GroundandPound.de yesterday.

After the two defeats in the heavily occupied bantamweight class Gaff must now make a fresh start elsewhere.

Disappointments and defeats belong to every fighter in this career, but I will go on,” said Gaff. “Most of all I am sorry that I could not show my fans what I can really do. In the last two weeks the love and uplifting words from many of my fans have helped. Thanks also for the support of sponsors MMA Spirit,  Geva and Olimp.

And it is here that we see the dichotomy of the UFC rankings system. The women’s bantamweight division currently consists of just 12 fighters. The men’s flyweight division has 18 fighters. Ian McCall, who went 0-2-1 in his first three UFC contests, was ranked #3 in the flyweight division going into his UFC 163 bout with Illarde Santos. Gaff, on the other hand, was ranked #10 and axed after two losses. There’s not much deeper of a comparison to be made here, but I just thought it was worth noting…

So…how about this weather?

–J. Jones


(She might not have been the best fighter in the division, but Gaff had the best throwing-a-punch face in the biz. Photo via Getty.)

In a move signifying that equality in the octagon has finally been achieved, bantamweight Sheila Gaff has been released from the UFC. Following a pair of first round TKO losses to Sara McMann and Amanda Nunes at UFC 159 and UFC 163, respectively, Gaff’s departure was passed along by the German website GroundandPound.de yesterday.

After the two defeats in the heavily occupied bantamweight class Gaff must now make a fresh start elsewhere.

Disappointments and defeats belong to every fighter in this career, but I will go on,” said Gaff. “Most of all I am sorry that I could not show my fans what I can really do. In the last two weeks the love and uplifting words from many of my fans have helped. Thanks also for the support of sponsors MMA Spirit,  Geva and Olimp.

And it is here that we see the dichotomy of the UFC rankings system. The women’s bantamweight division currently consists of just 12 fighters. The men’s flyweight division has 18 fighters. Ian McCall, who went 0-2-1 in his first three UFC contests, was ranked #3 in the flyweight division going into his UFC 163 bout with Illarde Santos. Gaff, on the other hand, was ranked #10 and axed after two losses. There’s not much deeper of a comparison to be made here, but I just thought it was worth noting…

So…how about this weather?

–J. Jones

UFC 163: The New Guys (And Girls!)

(Amanda Nunes: Like Michael Chandler if he didn’t spend upwards of 30 seconds playing pattycake with his opponents.)

It’s been awhile since we’ve familiarized you guys (and ourselves) with the hard-working underlings of an upcoming UFC card, but with so many foreign faces throwing down at UFC 163 this weekend, we decided to dust off an old feature for the sake of education. Don’t worry, this article will contain more knockout videos and fart jokes than it will actual information, as per the CagePotato decree.

Amanda “Lioness” Nunes
Experience: 7-3, with notable victories over Julia Budd (see above), Vanessa Porto, and Ediane Gomes. Despite her somewhat modest record, Nunes carries a wealth of experience fighting in top-level promotions such as Strikeforce and Invicta, where she went 2-2. We also hear that her farts smell like Febreeze. Specifically Mediterranean Lavender, which is odd considering she’s Brazilian and all.
Will be facing: Sheila “The German Tank” Gaff (10-5, 0-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Even having dropped two of her last three, the hard-hitting Nunes is arguably in a better position than her opponent, who is facing a quick turnaround after being dominated by Sara McMann in her own UFC debut at UFC 159. In a perfect world, we will see these two strikers throw caution to the wind and go all Merrill Hess on each another until one of them falls down. Actually, that’s the most likely scenario — three cheers for insanely high expectations based on preconceived notions of inequality!


(Amanda Nunes: Like Michael Chandler if he didn’t spend upwards of 30 seconds playing pattycake with his opponents.)

It’s been awhile since we’ve familiarized you guys (and ourselves) with the hard-working underlings of an upcoming UFC card, but with so many foreign faces throwing down at UFC 163 this weekend, we decided to dust off an old feature for the sake of education. Don’t worry, this article will contain more knockout videos and fart jokes than it will actual information, as per the CagePotato decree.

Amanda “Lioness” Nunes
Experience: 7-3, with notable victories over Julia Budd (see above), Vanessa Porto, and Ediane Gomes. Despite her somewhat modest record, Nunes carries a wealth of experience fighting in top-level promotions such as Strikeforce and Invicta, where she went 2-2. We also hear that her farts smell like Febreeze. Specifically Mediterranean Lavender, which is odd considering she’s Brazilian and all.
Will be facing: Sheila “The German Tank” Gaff (10-5, 0-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Even having dropped two of her last three, the hard-hitting Nunes is arguably in a better position than her opponent, who is facing a quick turnaround after being dominated by Sara McMann in her own UFC debut at UFC 159. In a perfect world, we will see these two strikers throw caution to the wind and go all Merrill Hess on each another until one of them falls down. Actually, that’s the most likely scenario — three cheers for insanely high expectations based on preconceived notions of inequality!


(Barroso scores a five-second, head kick KO over Abhijeet Petkar at Desert Force 1.) 

Francimar “Bodao” Barroso 
Experience: 15-3, with appearances under the Shooto, Bitetti and Desert Force promotions.
Will be facing: Ednaldo “Lula Molusco” Oliveira (13-1-1, 0-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Filling in for Robert Drysdale, who was forced to withdraw from his UFC debut due to a staph infection, “Bodao” will be bringing 14 stoppage victories including 12 first round finishes into his octagon debut. Problem is, all three of his losses have come via (T)KO, which could spell trouble for him against the similarly heavy handed Oliveira, who we last saw choked out by Gabriel Gonzaga way back at UFC 142.


(Andrade beats up a child in a basement. Yep, these count as legit MMA fights in Brazil.)

Viscardi Andrade 

Experience: 14-5 (4 KO, 4 Sub 6 Dec), with the only notable names on his record being defeats to Iuri Alcantara, Leandro Silva and Charles Oliveira.
Will be facing: Bristol Marunde (12-8, 0-1 UFC)
Lowdown: If the above video is any indication, it’s safe to say that Andrade might suffer a few UFC jitters come Saturday night. I mean, just look at that pathetic excuse for an octagon. Can you even complete a double leg without taking out the ref in that thing? Anyway, the TUF Brazil 2 alum has some killer instinct so we’re not completely writing him off, especially against the woefully inconsistent Marunde.

Thiago “Marreta” Santos

Experience: 8-1, with multiple appearances under the Spartan MMA and WOCS banners. 4 knockouts, 1 sub, 3 decisions.
Will be facing: Cezar “Mutante” Ferreira (5-2, 1-0 UFC)
Lowdown: We can’t find much visual evidence on Santos, probably because he is one of approximately 436 Brazilians named Thiago Santos currently competing in MMA. He made it to the TUF Brazil 2 quarterfinals, so there’s that, and he’s filling in for Clint Hester on short notice. And he’s fighting up a weight class. Brave men all, those lost sons of Rio.


(Tome submits Jerry Tolentino at Limo Fight 9….really? The fuck, Brazil?)

Jose Maria “No Chance” Tome

Experience: 33-3 (15 TKO, 13 Sub). Again, the only notable opponent on his record is Jussier da Silva, whom he lost to via first round submission back in March of 2008.
Will be facing: John Lineker (21-6, 2-1 UFC)
Lowdown: Folks, I am going to be blunt. Without even looking at the odds, I am going to ensure you with 100% certainty that Tome will not be walking away from UFC 163 with a victory under his belt. You might say that he has “No Chance.”

How am I so confident? Because this guy is Brazil’s answer to Jason Reindhart (minus the crabs, hopefully), that’s why. Perusing over his record, you will find fake names (Maluinha Maluinha and Everton Everton? Please), more than a handful of 0-1 opponents and less than a handful of winning records. I know you can’t always pick and choose your fights, but fighting a 2-3 guy named “Bulldog” less than a year ago is just pathetic when you boast that kind of record. At least Kramer fought children at his own belt level for Christ’s sake.

–J. Jones