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Cutting Through The Bullshit: UFC 178 Edition

Low and behold, the answer to all of our political problems. (Photo by Esther Lin of MMA Fighting)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us all pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the most compelling scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style.

(Photo via Getty)

That being said, let’s take a look at the biggest scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style:

Demetrious Johnson Is Incredible, But So Was Jesus Christ

Look, it’s pretty obvious Johnson is a spectacular combatant, the most dominant champion in the organization, and a fighter so technically sound he generates silence throughout the arena because the fans are simply in awe of him.

Well, no.

It’s apparent “Mighty Mouse” isn’t really a pay-per-view star, and he’s suited best for FOX broadcasts moving forward. He’s definitely capable of generating interest in a co-main event, much like he and Cariaso were supposed to do at UFC 177, yet headlining the whole PPV shebang may not be his forte.

But that really isn’t his fault. He’s more so a victim of consequence here. The flyweight title fight wasn’t supposed to headline this card, however, a title fight should have enough power to generate interest on its own. You can say he’s still in a transitional phase, yet UFC 174 is still pretty fresh in our minds.

Anyhow, his win over Cariaso was like watching Sid Justice maul a jobber on Saturday mornings, and it’s funny to think that even though the champ was in a relatively easy fight, nobody is mentioning that it’s his third stoppage victory in his pas four title defenses. He was also asked one question at the post-fight presser (well, two, but from the same person … so, one).

Donald Cerrone vs. Eddie Alvarez Was One of The Best Main Events Of The Year

2014 has been fairly good to us in the main event department. If Johnson vs. Cariaso lacked that particular oomph, then Cerrone vs. Alvarez was straight up going to be some deep-fried organized violence.

It turned out to be a great fight, one all too familiar for “Cowboy.” After a difficult and lopsided first round, Cerrone turned it on in the second and started to hack away at the Bellator champion’s legs, eventually breaking that tree down and earning the unanimous decision victory.

Cerrone’s been through the thick and thin, and by defeating Alvarez, he’s either going to be in another title eliminator bout, or finally challenge for UFC gold. As for the “Underground King,” it wasn’t the worst of debuts, yet that’s just what UFC wanted … another Bellator guy stifled by a golden boy employee who takes on all jobs.

Conor McGregor Is The Next Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Michael Jordan, And Walt Disney

If you watched the post-fight press conference, you noticed the Irishman sitting there glowing in his ivory elephant trunk suit, with every member of the media asking him the same three questions he’s been asked for the past year. Hell, he even got a post-fight media scrum.

Don’t get it twisted; “Notorious” truly is the biggest prospect in the UFC right now, and to be honest, he pretty much surpassed that status last night with a first-round TKO over the always-game Dustin Poirier. Did that shot hit “Diamond” in the back of the head? Did McGregor land more shots to the back of the head when following up?

It’s kind of subjective at this point. Whether he did or didn’t, it shouldn’t overshadow his performance. He was awarded the victory after all, and we’ve seen a lot more clusterfucks than that in the past.

UFC’s legendary Hall of Fame broadcaster Mike Goldberg compared him to Michael Jordan, not to mention Uncle Dana saying he was bigger than Brock Lesnar, the biggest draw the sport had ever seen. McGregor is going to Brazil to sit cageside with his homies at UFC 179, so don’t be surprised if he’s slotted in the Octagon as the next contender to the featherweight strap. We’re not going to assess if he deserves a title shot or not … we’re just going to predict what we think will happen, seeing that UFC as a whole thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Yoel Romero Sitting On His Stool, Giving Less Fucks Than Ricky Rozay

Romero’s battle alongside Tim Kennedy was pretty good while it lasted, and subject to a boatload of controversy. Romero was basically out on his stool, and after “a UFC employee put too much Vaseline on him,” he sat there for about half a minute while his corner “attempted” to leave the cage.

There’s no question that if any of us were the American, we’d be pissed. “Soldier of God” was dazed, and it looked like he was prepared to vomit at any moment. Still, he comes out in the third round and completely torches Kennedy in the biggest win of his career.

Sorry UFC, but victim blaming won’t work here. That one was on “Big” John McCarthy, and it’s puzzling to think one of the best officials in the game let that one slip by. Like, dude, at least tell the guy to stand up and ask him questions.

Then again, maybe he missed this, too?

Cat Zingano Win Inspiring, But Please, Leave Her Alone

“Alpha” has been through a lot in the past year. Joe Rogan hinted at in her post-fight interview after her comeback win over Amanda Nunes in the third round, but failed to say what happened, which led to an honest assessment of Zingano saying she just wanted to go home, spend time with her son, and happy she got that shit over with.

Zingano’s third-round stoppage over the Brazilian was ultra inspiring, with the majority of the sport’s observers feeling genuinely happy for the next women’s bantamweight number one contender. However, let’s give it a rest, and leave her alone. I’ve always felt indifferent when it comes to exploring one’s personal circumstances in a difficult time, and unlike the next fighter on the list, Zingano went through hardship that nobody deserves to go through. So for next time, let’s not hint at her troubles multiple times (Rogan & Goldie) without mentioning what happened, and let her enjoy possibly the biggest win of her life?

It could be worse, though. Cue Ben Askren in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Dominick Cruz Is The Best Pound-For-Pound Athlete In The Universe, Currently Sitting In CRUZ Control

Imagine what you live for is taken away from you for three years. We’re not talking about being abstinent, you horny pervert. In Cruz’s case, we had no idea how he was going to look. He never lost the bantamweight championship, yet his last bout was three years ago, and there was a plethora of questions regarding his physical and mental state.

Call it a travesty that his fight against Takeya Mizugaki was on the FS1 prelims, although it was the best-case scenario. Dozens of thousands of viewers witnessed DOMIN8TION for free, with Cruz mauling Mizugaki after landing a takedown which may or may not have given most of us at this website an instant erection.

Credit the brass for booking Cruz against T.J. Dillashaw next, because frankly, that’s the only sensible option. “Dominator” could have fought Urijah Faber, too, especially after his post-fight jab, but let’s not pretend last night’s winner lost his title and didn’t beat Faber in convincing fashion three years ago.

All In All …

It was a perfect night of fights. Truth be told, it was the type of card we live for, and the reason we still wake up at freaking 5AM to watch putrid battles featuring foreign fighters with 2-0 records. Honestly, it felt like 2007 all over again.

In the end, we got a main event that had less drawing power than a George Lopez sitcom, a superstar’s official coming out party, #stoolgate, and two competitors that were granted guaranteed title shots (with two others in the championship limelight, also). That’s the UFC we know. That’s the pain we face. That’s why after all this time, we still put up with Stemm.

Enjoy it while you can. It’s not like we’re treated to these gifts every weekend anymore, however, something tells me the rest of the year heading into the next could be something special.

UFC 150: Henderson vs. Edgar II — Live Results & Commentary

The 150th UFC PPV takes place at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado, which means tonight’s drinking game will lead you to the ER with liver poisoning as Joe and Goldie talk about the altitude. Headlining the card is the rematch to end all rematches when former WEC standout and current UFC lightweight champion, Benson Henderson squares off against Frankie “The Answer” Edgar.

Also on the broadcast is the front-runner to win Fight of the Night honors when Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone locks horns with Melvin Guillard. I’m told that Jake Shields and Yushin Okami are scheduled to fight Ed Hermann and Buddy Roberts respectively, and that’s totally cool, But you’re only buying this card for one reason: to see if the gold changes hands at the end of the night.

“Live” (emphasis on the quotation marks) round-by-round results from the Henderson – Edgar 2 pay-per-view main card will be piling up after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, courtesy of Jason Moles. Refresh the page every few ~~minutes~~ hours for all the latest, and please toss in your own inebriated thoughts in the comments section.

Let’s get this started, shall we?

Justin Lawrence vs. Max Holloway

Round 1: Holloway’s crotch says, “BUY MY SHORTS.” Don’t ask me why that’s the first thing I noticed about him. Feeling out process ended with a few kicks from Lawrence. Nice high kick from Holloway. Both trade a few nice punches. Lawrence seems to be landing more strikes. %$#&!!! Holloway just drilled “The All American Kid” All- American nuts! Okay, just walk it off. Lawrence pushing forward and gets the takedown. Right back up. Lawrence is bleeding. Holloway lands a knee to the chin. Swing and a miss by Holloway. 13-12 Significant strikes favoring Lawrence. Holloway drills him in the balls again as the end of round horn sounds.

Round 2: Stick and move by Holloway. The men both trade snapping kicks. Lawrence with a lot of front kicks, sidekicks. Crowd starting to boo but it dies down. Holloway lands a clean right hand. Holloway demonstrating very nice counter punching — stuffs a takedown as well. Lawrence landing 47% of his strikes. Stick and move by both men. Holloway stuffs a takedown my grandmother could have seen, and she’s got cataracts. Now he tags Lawrence which leads to an opening for a deep knee to the gut. Left hook to the liver and “It’s all over!!!”

Winner Max Holloway Rd. 2 TKO

Up Next – Yushin Okami vs. Buddy Roberts

Buddy Roberts walking out to ‘Bleed It Out’ by Linkin Park. Yushin on the other hand… Holy $%&@! Is that Tank Abbott??? Nope, he’s sober.

Round 1: Roberts comes out swinging. Looking for a head kick. Okami lands a nice left. Buddy keeps connecting with the jab. Okami just got clipped. Roberts landing knees from the clinch. Okami tries and fails twice to get the takedown from the clinch against the cage. Okami finally drags him down,. takes his back, transitions to his guard. Okami in half guard, not much action. Crowd boos on cue. Yushin in side mount with arm control and lands a few shots. Okami in full mount, takes the back, lands a few shots to the back of the head but Herb doesn’t seem to mind. A bunch more punches and the horn sounds.

Round 2: Buddy goes forward and slips on the mat. Lands a shot once he recovers. Okami with a straight left. Clinches and tries to drag him down. Success. Buddy transitions into a guillotine. Back on their feet. Okami nails a double leg. Moves into half guard. Looking to utilize elbows, looks some more… Full mount by “Thunder” and Buddy rolls over on his belly. Okami just keeps punching him in the skull. Herb calls it.

Winner: Yushin Okami – Rd. 2 – TKO

Better grab a Mt. Dew and a handful of Yellow Jackets before Jake Shields middleweight debut against Ed Herman.

Herman walking out wearing a Dethrone hoodie. His music sucks, but his bobcat shirt makes up for it. Man, I almost forgot how pale redheads are. Shields walks out to what sounds like The Glitch Mob dubstep remix of Seven Nation Army. My wife says his nipples are really “pokie” – like they’ve been stretched. Wow – Rashad really wasn’t joking around when he said you’d notice a difference.

Round 1: Shields immediately throws a kick. Both men attacking. Herman goes for takedown, Shields hip tosses him. Back on the feet. Clinched and they both trade blows. Herman lands a knee. Shields gets the trip takedown. Ground and pound from Jake. Both men back up, dirty boxing along the fence. These guys have separation issues. Jake has a sponsor sticker for a radiator company. Nice elbow by Herman. Jake looking for the guillotine. *yawn* Thank God the fans can boo for me. Finally some action – that guys claps the 2×4′s together to signal 10 seconds left.

Round 2: Looks, I can text the UFC who I want to win. Nice. More kicks by Shields. Herman initiates the clinch again. Take down – Shields on top in half guard, now side control. Working for a kimura.

Sorry guys, @#&^$@*$^#*(# internet! Sorry.

Round 3 almost over – Shields has been dominating Herman on the ground for most of it. Shields in full mount. Herman trying to score pints off his back, but he’s no Miguel Torres. Shields lands more and more punches as the crowd boos louder. Both men swinging but it’s all over. The judges will decide who moves forward…. but the fans are not impressed with their performance.

Winner: Jake Shields by Unanimous decision.

Coming up next: Former teamates and BFF’s, Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone and Melvin “I don’t care if I’m indoors, I’m wearing my damn sunglasses anyway!” Guillard.

Denver crowd tried to snatch the infamous sunglasses of Guillard. #fail – Apparently being a Blackzillian automatically gets you a Pretorian sponsorship. *Cue Kid Rock music* Here comes Cowboy, baby. The TapouT cowboy hat looked much better than this Muscle Pharm stuff. Cerrone looks happier than a pig in, well, you get the point.

Round 1: “Taller is Cerrone”, says Mike Goldberg. Guillard gets booed heavily as Buffer introduces him. Remember, it’s not because Denver is racist, it’s because they love them some homegrown talent – and Cerrone is home. Cowboy quick on the offensive with a head kick. Guillard is beating the living daylights outta Cerrone!!!!! Punches in bunches AND a knee to the midsection. Dang! Okay, he looks shocked but he;s good now. Damn! Now Cowboy lands a head kick followed up by a hard right hand and Guillard is asleep!!! When will he ever learn that sunglasses are unnecessary indoors?

Winner: Donald Cerrone – Rd. 1 KO

Craziest fight of the year? Yeah, I think so. They both hug it out, now that “The Young Assassin” has come to. I would pay to be at their after party.

Main Event Time: Benson “Smooth” Henderson vs. Frankie Edgar

Frankie runs to the Octagon, gets greased up -legally, not the Anderson Silva way. Like a leprechaun who’s been had, he wants his gold back. Ben is strutting his way to the prep point. The champ’s calm and focused. It’s Time!

Round 1: Edgar in the black/red trunks littered with sponsors. Henderson must have sponsored himself because his upper body is plastered on his poster… oh yeah, tighties for the champ. Empty jabs by Henderson. Egdar landing a few shots, most noticeably a left hand. Leg kick by Smooth. Edgar nearly looses his balance after Henderson kicks his leg again. Another one and he’s down. Scrambled to the feet. Edgar returns the favor and throws a leg kick. Frankie’s left calf is swollen and red. Both men throwing combos, landing shots here and there. Frankie lands a leg kick. Edgar catches the leg kick this time, takedown but the champ locks in a guillotine. Remember how many times Frankie caught kicks last time? Round over.

Nate Diaz in attendance.

Round 2: 12-8 Sig strikes in favor of the champ for round 1. Another leg kick by Smooth and Edgar drops to a knee but recovers. Frankie feints a takedown. Lands a punch. Leg kick and a hook for Edgar. Both guys switching stance. Leg kick by the champ. Edgar drops Henderson with a wicked uppercut. Looking to sink in the choke. Smooth works up to his feet. but Frankie still has a hold of him. Henderson keeping a hand on the ground to avoid knees. Edgar is bleeding. Separation! Henderson misses a big axe kick. Then shoots but is stuffed by Frankie. Big body kick by the champ the the horn.

Round 3: Half landed/half blocked head kick by Benson. Lots of jabs by him as well, most hit air. Frankie lands a leg kick. Ben returns the favor and charges. very nice jab by Benson. Both men exchange blows. Champ telegraphs a head kick. Edgar ducks. Same for his right hard. More of the same – I hit you, you hit me. Repeat. Still no mention of altitude – my drinking game sucks – I can still see the keys clearly. The champ tries to Sweet Chin Music the former champ – misses. 20-16 sig strikes so far in favor of Smooth. Champ charges and Frankie Edgar tries to hit HBK’s finisher as the horn sounds.

Championship rounds, deep water, point of no return, etc….

Round 4: Guys are just banging. Leg kicks, straight punches, more leg kicks – it’s all here. Neither man looks to have a significant advantage, both are active. Edgar gets a takedown. Big kick from the ground and Ben is back up. Until he Frankie locks in the choke. Leaning on the champ is Edgar. Applying pressure on the choke. Now they stand. Crowd’s chant is inaudible. Henderson lands a jab that knocks Edgar’s mouthpiece out. TIME OUT! Okay, back to work. Leg kick by Frankie is beautiful. My face hurts from watching all of these punches. Edgar catches ANOTHER kick. and Keeps it standing. Horn.

Round 5: Edgar’s corner tells him to punch him against the cage. Edgar’s footwork prevents being kicked in the lead leg again. Nice shots by the NJ native. Champ is fighting like he’s already won… Edgar is hungry. Crowd chants, “Frankie!” Caught another kick did Frankie. Puts a right hand on his face. Keeps attacking with combos. Now the champ looks to score points with a few jabs. Edgar’s counter striking is impressive. Frankie hits a nice leg kick. One minute left!!! Nice body shot by Edgar. Champ comes forward, lands s shot. Both are going at it now. End of fight.. Judges will now calculate the scores, correctly, we hope.

And the winner is…..

Ben Henderson ~~Frankie Edgar~~ by ~~unanimous decision~~ split decision!

The crowd is NOT happy. “I fight for you guys! I try to finish fights!” -Henderson.

Edgar says he’s not sure if he’ll go back and watch this fight again. Dude looks heartbroken. Fans love him though.

Why isn’t Nate Diaz stepping the Octagon?

That’s it, I’m outta here. *Sigh of relief* Hope you all enjoyed. Next week: Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman

– Jason

MMA Stock Market: UFC 141 – Lesnar vs. Overeem Edition

(Hey Mario, is that some Jacks Links in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?)

By Jason Moles

When we next see Brock Lesnar, will it be in the Octagon or the squared circle? What did “Cowboy” Cerrone do with the beanie Nate Diaz handed him? Where in the world did this Jimy Hettes guy come from? None of these questions will be answered in this forum. Instead, you’ll learn which UFC 141 fighters’ stock to buy more of, sell off, or hold. Even if you’re still too hung over to remember what happened Friday night, you’ll still need to make a few fiscal moves to stay ahead of the curve. Remember, money never sleeps, kid. Now go make yourself a Bloody Mary then keep reading to kick off the New Year with sage advice about the MMA stock market.

Alistair Overeem – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free

It makes no difference whether you think “The Reem” is completely unstoppable or flat out overrated — when he fights, people watch. Casual fans will be enamored with Alistair Overeem because he looks good with his shirt off (at least that’s why I think Arianny make that face) and the hype that can be drummed up by Zuffa thanks to his Strikeforce, DREAM, and K1 titles. For the next few years, as long as he doesn’t piss hot for some tainted horsemeat, the “Demolition Man” will be a main event attraction that will only make him more valuable with time.

(Hey Mario, is that some Jacks Links in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?)

By Jason Moles

Alistair Overeem – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free

Brock Lesnar – Hold

Maybe it’s because of his pro wrestling background or because he wouldn’t be the first fighter to say one thing and do another, but I’m not sold that Brock Lesnar is retiring from competition. Some have suggested that once the larger-than-life beef jerky spokesman’s body and ego heal, he may decide otherwise and squeeze into his 4XL gloves one last time. Others, like UFC president Dana White, have pointed out that with the money he’s made over the years and what he has accomplished in such a short amount of time, Brock has nothing left to prove. Whatever side of the fence you sit on, don’t make any moves. If he comes back, you’ll be happy you didn’t bail, and if he shows up on RAW some Monday night in the not too distant future, I’m sure some booger-eating wrestling fan would be more than happy to take that stock off your hands.

Nate Diaz – Buy

What did I tell you? After dominating Donald Cerrone for three full rounds, people might start taking the Stockton native a bit more seriously. Nate Diaz played New York Giants to “Cowboy” Cerrone’s New England Patriots by spoiling a 5-0 run in 2011, and he enjoyed every minute of it. To borrow a line from his UFC 141 opponent, “The dude’s a warrior.” Look for Diaz to appear on a few broadcast TV events in 2012, as the UFC needs to showcase exciting fighters, which is the only kind Nate knows how to be. Winner of five FOTN and three SOTN bonuses, the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu brown belt is the type of guy who’s always in high demand, driving the price up. Get in now before he throws his beanie “in the mix” (or, you know, just hands it to someone after destroying them).

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone – Buy

Since Donald Cerrone first stepped foot into the cage, only one guy has had his number, which is hardly a fault considering Ben Henderson is now heading to Japan where he’ll face UFC Lightweight champion Frankie Edgar. In 2011 alone, the Jackson’s MMA product fought four times more than GSP, winning all but one of his matches. So when he says he’s down to fight whenever, you know he honestly means it. You shouldn’t let a bad night in the Octagon shake your confidence in the future professional bull rider.

Jon Fitch – Zzzzzzzzz (Now he’s the one sleeping!)

It’s about time Jon Fitch was in an exciting match. According to the latest UFC Magazine, Fitch has landed 1,973 strikes in UFC competition — more than anyone in the promotion’s history. After his fight Saturday night in Vegas, he’s still landed 1,973 punches. Pay no attention to those who tell you, “He got caught, that’s all.” A loss is a loss here. He’ll never be a UFC champion, although he’s a superb talent. He won’t fight his teammates nor will he and Dana White ever go catch a movie together. Dump everything you have.

Johny Hendricks – Buy

With an impressive 12-1 record, Hendricks is headed in the right direction at the right pace. Buy a few hundred shares of Hendricks Fight Sports at a modest price and watch for the dividends to mount. KO’ing John Fitch is a win he can hang his hat on, something that adds a welcome pop to his highlight reel for PPV trailers. 2012 will bring a wild range of match ups in the Welterweight division with GSP nursing his wounds. It’s not incredibly out of the realm of possibility for the two-time NCAA National champion to get a title shot.

Vladimir Matyushenko – Sell it like a dog with fleas

Some things get better with age: denim, fine wine, Halle Berry. Some things however do not — and “The Janitor” is one of them.

Jimy Hettes – Buy, Buy, Buy

The most notable thing about “The Kid” is that he looks a helluva lot like that guy from ‘The Social Network’. The second thing that stands out about Jimy Hettes he possesses superior judo skills for a brown belt. Rogan commented that he is probably “sandbagging at purple belt” referring to his BJJ. Holding a perfect 10-0 record, Hettes completely annihilated Nam Phan, bashing him time and again on the ground. This may be your first chance to truly buy into a commodity while the groundwork is still being laid. UFC Champion, 2012?

Nam Phan – Dump it like your autographed picture of Carrot Top

Sorry, I guess an Asian brother can’t get no love, Nam. You may have beat Leonard Garcia twice, but you fail to execute a logical gameplan against almost everyone and just can’t seem how to get a win against an opponent worthy of mentioning. It was fun while it lasted, but we can’t keep our money tied up in your services any longer.

UFC 141 Weigh-Ins Photos (EXCLUSIVE GALLERY)

MMA Fix brings you our exclusive gallery from the UFC 141: Lesnar vs. Overeem weigh-ins. Photos by Silton Buendia.

MMA Fix brings you our exclusive gallery from the UFC 141: Lesnar vs. Overeem weigh-ins. Photos by Silton Buendia.

MMA Stock Market™ — “UFC 137: Penn vs. Diaz” Edition

(Allow us to introduce you to Nelson Roy III, the brilliant hedge fund manager who has absolutely no relation to that fighting hillbilly you saw on Saturday. / Photo via MMAJunkie.)

By Jason Moles

If you decided to play the new CagePotato drinking game this weekend, you’re probably way too hung over to think about your financial future right now. But now that the dust has settled from UFC 137, you owe it to yourself to study our insightful and highly opinionated rundown of where to direct your hypothetical MMA investments. It’s “Buy, Sell, Hold” time once again, Potato Nation…

“The Prodigy” BJ Penn – Sell

Even if Baby Jay is pulling a Jamie Varner (man I hope that’s not a euphemism) as Mr. Falvo so eloquently put it, the writing on the wall has been there for a while now even if the majority of fans didn’t bother to read it. BJ announcing his retirement Saturday night may have been a moment of weakness when his emotions got the best of him which led to a rash decision, but let me remind you (just like every other single story you read today about “The Prodigy”) that Penn has went 1-3-1 in his last five fights. The Hawaiian may fight again to collect another paycheck but there is no more money to be made as a shareholder.

(Allow us to introduce you to Nelson Roy III, the brilliant hedge fund manager who has absolutely no relation to that fighting hillbilly you saw on Saturday. / Photo via MMAJunkie.)

By Jason Moles

“The Prodigy” BJ Penn – Sell

Nick Diaz – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free!

The twenty-eight year old Stockton, California native showed everyone that effective boxing, stellar jiu-jitsu, and cardiovascular stamina that makes the Energizer Bunny look like Roy Nelson at UFC 130, is a tasty recipe for success, even in the UFC. Inside the cage, Nick Diaz can scrap with the best of them. Although slightly awkward on the mic, Diaz evokes emotion and gets heat from everyone in earshot. You should overlook his professional shortcomings as long as Dana White continues to do the same; do that and you’ll be in the money once February comes when Diaz takes on the welterweight champion, Georges St. Pierre.

“Les plus sales du monde combattant” Cheick Kongo – Sell, Sell, Sell!

Mr. Kongo, if that is even his real last name, (Note: It’s not. I checked.) did what no other man in the UFC has been able to do – beat Matt Mitrione . Wait, what?! Those fights in the TUF house don’t count. Anyway, back to what I was saying, where was I? Oh yeah, Cheick Kongo finally realized he was in a fight and even managed to win. His stock is relatively high and the extra cash really comes in handy this close to Christmas. Not only did his performance leave a bad taste in the fan’s mouth, it clearly proved that Congo would never be a world-beater. Dirty fighter he is, ‘in the mix’ he is not.

Matt Mitrione a.k.a. “Meathead” – Hold

During the co-main event of UFC 137, Matt Mitrione showed that big moments still get the best of him, despite his having played in the National Football League. The former TUF 10 contestant is what he says he is, “a baby in mixed martial arts.” I was neither impressed nor unimpressed with his showing on Saturday night against a seasoned veteran in Kongo. We’re still in a fragile market. It would be foolish to write this guy off or jump on his bandwagon.

Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipovic – SOL

As a common shareholder, you have little recourse when it comes to a company declaring bankruptcy. In a nut shell, the company sells all of its assets in order to pay the government, financial institutions, other creditors (i.e. suppliers and utility companies), bondholders, preferred shareholders and, finally, you. If you’re lucky, you might get back enough money to buy UFC replica belt… just don’t ask Jon Jones to sign it.

In his post TKO loss interview with Joe Rogan, Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ declared that we wouldn’t be seeing him fight again. “I was treated like a king from the beginning. It’s in my best interest that this is my farewell fight, thanks everybody.” No, “Thank you, Mr. Filipovic.”

“Big Country” Roy Nelson – Sell it like a dog with fleas.

Although he debuted a “more buff” body, Roy Nelson is still the same fighter who’s dropped two of his last three fights with his only win coming at the hands of the aging Mirko ‘Cro Cop’. Watch Dana White give him the winner of Lesnar vs. Overeem and you’ll see “Big Country” go belly up.

Scott “Young Guns” Jorgensen – Hold

In late 2010, Scott Jorgensen lost a unanimous decision to Dominic Cruz at WEC 53 for both the WEC and UFC Bantamweight title. Since then, he’s rattled off a pair of wins in hopes to get back in the mix. Jorgensen needs to face and defeat stiffer competition before you should move your money in either direction.

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone – Buy! Buy! Buy!

Let’s examine for a moment the stats of “Cowboy” Cerrone in 2011: 4-0 record, 2 submissions, 1 TKO, 1 Unanimous decision, 1 each: Submission, Knockout, and Fight of the Night. — And he wants to fight again before the year is over. If your pockets are deep enough, I suggest you pick up some DCC to hedge your portfolio.

Melvin Guillard: ‘I’m Like a Wireless Robot and My Cornermen Hold the Joystick’

(Apparently up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start makes Melvin hop the cage and start yelling profanities.)

One of the most impressive performances from Saturday nights’ Fight for the Troops II card was logged by Melvin …

(Apparently up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start makes Melvin hop the cage and start yelling profanities.)

One of the most impressive performances from Saturday nights’ Fight for the Troops II card was logged by Melvin Guillard, who took out fast-rising lightweight Evan Dunham in emphatic fashion with a first round TKO, garnering him "Knockout of the Night" honors in the process.

We had Melvin on last week’s episode of The Bum Rush Radio Show and he had some interesting things to say about the affect of his move to Team Jackson, his plans for 2011, his desire to be on TUF again and how overrated he thinks Kenny Florian is.

Check out what the self-dubbed "More Mature Assassin" had to say after the jump.