You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.
I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.
Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHEREVER YOU WANT.
But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games.
I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.
You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.
I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.
Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHENEVER YOU WANT.
But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games.
Honestly, I don’t even know what to make of a notion so ridiculous, except to say that I now sympathize with Mitt Romney more than I previously thought possible. At least he didn’t attempt to open a window on a plane — coincidentally causing that plane to crash into a mountain — and then declare that opening a window on a plane would definitely never cause a plane to crash into a mountain. Yeah, I know that makes no sense, but apparently we’re living in a world where we can make these kind of logical leaps without repercussion.
And while there’s little denying that Swanson has clearly elevated his game since the loss to Aldo at WEC 41, we can’t exactly condone the spewing of such mathematically retarded points as the one he is trying to make. We’ve heard of poking the bull, but Swanson sounds like he’s trying to jam his thumb right up the bull’s butt hole.
The Koch fight, I think he’s a real tough kid. I was supposed to fight him twice and I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to follow through with that for the fans and for him. That’s something I want back. The Zombie is just somebody who everybody loves. Everyone thinks he’s the best up-and-comer, and I don’t think so. That’s somebody I would love to throw down with. Lamas, he’s a stud and I felt like that was my fight and I messed up and I would like to give it another shot.
Well, for once we’re in agreement. Swanson has more than earned a shot at some top-level competition, the question is, who would you like to see him fight next?
Much has changed since Jose Aldo knocked out Cub Swanson in eight seconds at WEC 41.Under the tutelage of Greg Jackson, Swanson has grown into an upper-echelon contender in the UFC.While he was always seen as a budding talent in the WEC, Swanson found …
Much has changed since Jose Aldo knocked out Cub Swanson in eight seconds at WEC 41.
Under the tutelage of Greg Jackson, Swanson has grown into an upper-echelon contender in the UFC.
While he was always seen as a budding talent in the WEC, Swanson found himself constantly deterred with inconsistent performances against quality opposition.
Since joining the UFC, he has amassed a 3-1 record, with quality knockout wins over Charles Oliveira, Ross Pearson and George Roop.
Now that Swanson has found his stride, he’s looking to test himself against the best in the featherweight division.
“I’ve been inconsistent. It’s the way this game is. There’s so many ways to lose and to win. When you’re drastically trying to make improvements in your game, sometimes you get lost in what made you great. Finding a balance in your game is a delicate thing. I feel like those wins and losses were really my growing period. I feel like right now is the time where everything’s coming together and everything’s just flowing for me. I feel unstoppable right now.”
It’s hard to argue with Swanson, especially after his first-round knockout victory over Oliveira at UFC 152. Oliveira was seen by many as a future title contender in the featherweight division, but a few body shots and an overhand right from Swanson was all that was needed to crush the young Brazilian’s hopes.
Few fighters at 145 pounds boast the same kind of punching power as Swanson, who picked up his seventh-career knockout against Oliveira. He hopes the victory gets him one step closer to avenging his WEC loss to Aldo and capturing the UFC title.
“I’m right there. I know I am. The way the UFC is, if you win decisively, it’s kind of jumping you through the ranks. I’ve been the underdog in my last three fights, and those were all quality opponents and I was able to win decisively. I feel like I should be right there, but there’s a couple of people that are obviously ahead of me. I kind of got to wait my turn and I’m OK with that. I’ll take another fight before I get a title shot if I need to or whatever. I’m happy fighting right now.”
Swanson has obviously made improvements to his fight game, but Aldo has improved as well.
Since his devastating knockout win over Swanson, Aldo has entered the same conversation as Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre and Jon Jones as one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world.
Has Swanson improved enough to compete with Aldo?
Sherdog.com asked Swanson to weigh in on the potential rematch.
“I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother—would love for my brother—to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [me vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.”
(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)
It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?
Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”
(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)
It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?
Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”
Demetrious Johnson: Dana White announced at the UFC 152 post-fight press conference that the winner of John “Clown Baby” Dodson vs. Jussier “Formiga” da Silva will more than likely be next in line for a flyweight title shot, a match that Johnson stated he will be watching with vested interest as well. So that’s that.
Michael Bisping: We know, we know; we previously stated that if Bisping wanted to get slaughtered by Anderson Silva next then we should let him do it and in fact cheer him on. But let’s be real here, Taters, Anderson doesn’t reallygive two shits about the middleweight division right meow, and IFhe gets past Stephan Bonnar at UFC 153, he will spend the remainder of his time shooting movies and waiting for the GSP superfight that may never come. And besides those facts, does anyone honestly think Bisping has earned a shot at Silva? He’s currently on a 1-0 (decision) win streak and just beat his first top 10 opponent in…ever. We say give him the winner of Chris Weidman vs. Tim Boetsch while Anderson is off doing his thing.
Matt Hamill: Even though he turned in a pretty poor performance against Roger Hollett last Saturday, one of you were quick to point out that “The Hammer” set the UFC record for significant strikes landed in a LHW fight with 124. That’s great and all, but the fact that 90% of those strikes were landed to the head of a downed and fetal Hollett without at least TKO’ing him doesn’t exactly speak volumes of Hamill’s power. Granted, it was Hamill’s first fight in over a year, so maybe we shouldn’t be so harsh on him. The fact still remains, however, that the TUF 3 alum still has a lot of kinks to work out, and we think the perfect matchup for him would be none other than former CP blogger Ryan Jimmo, who is coming off a 7-second destruction of Anthony Perosh in his UFC debut and has a wide open dance card. A win for either man would be a big step in the right direction.
Cub Swanson: Tweaked knee or no tweaked knee, Charles Oliveira got straight up embarrassed by Swanson last weekend, and it’s time to give Cub the step up in competition he has feared since Jose Aldo stole his eyebrow and took it home to Brazil. Working with Greg Jackson has improved his game in leaps and bounds, so why not match him up against a former “title contender” in Eric Koch? Injuries have kept Koch out of action for over a year now and he could use a win over a streaking fighter like Swanson to prove that he was title-worthy in the first place. Again, it’s a good fit for all involved and screams fireworks, so start Twitter-bombing DW with requests and make it happen!
Vinny Magalhaes: The TUF 8 finalist looked great in his grand return to Zuffa, taking advantage of a huge mental error by Igor Pokrajac (apparently he has a lot of those) to secure a brilliant armbar finish. He’s been seeking UFC redemption ever since he was released by the promotion, so a fight with Ryan Bader a.k.a the man who dashed his TUF dreams seems like a pretty smart move. Bader was just knocked out of contendership by Lyoto Machida at UFC on FOX 4 and will be looking for some redemption of his own. However, if you’re not a big fan of rematches, pairing Magalhaes against James Te Huna would be a great litmus test for both men. Te Huna needs to prove that he can hang with the best on the ground if he is ever to be considered a legit contender and Vinny could use another win over a solid standup fighter to erase the memories of the “tuck-n-roll” loss that dominates Bader’s highlight reel.
T.J. Grant: It might surprise you to learn that Grant has been fighting int he UFC for over three years now, but has gone overlooked by almost every fight fan for his somewhat lackluster fighting style and lack of finishes. Even though he did not finish Evan Dunham in their FOTN-earning war on Saturday, it’s safe to say that Grant is finally a name that UFC fans can get excited about. Now 3-0 at 155 lbs., Grant’s striking, cardio, and chin looked phenomenal against Dunham, and he should look to keep the momentum rolling against another exciting lightweight. The first name that comes to mind is Jamie Varner, who followed a gigantic win over Edson Barboza with a hard fought third round triangle loss to Joe Lauzon, also at UFC on FOX 4. A former WEC champion, Varner is just the kind of name that Grant could build his name off. On the other side of the coin, a win over a fellow vet like Grant could give Varner’s confidence an additional boost while keeping him relevant in his new home.
Marcus Brimage: He’s knocked two hype trains off the rails in as many matches; let’s see him try and do it again. Although Dustin Poirier‘s train suffered a significant setback in his loss to Chan Sung Jung at UFC on FUEL 3, he is still easily top 5 material. If Brimage can manage to upset Poirier, or even give an impressive showing against him, there will be no denying his future in the division.
Any matchups you think we missed? Let us know in the comments section.
We all saw lightweight Charles Oliveira get dropped and finished by Cub Swanson Saturday night at UFC 152. What we didn’t see, according to cut man Jacob “Stitch” Duran, was Oliveira injure his knee just before fighting Swanson while warming up in the locker room.
“I do know that in preparation for going out there, warming up, he twisted his knee,” Duran told MMA Junkie.
Duran also said that Oliveira needed assistance walking up the steps into the Octagon to fight Swanson. Junkie could not immediately reach Oliveira or representatives of the fighter but pointed out that “medical suspensions made public…on the Association of Boxing Commission’s official record keeper, mixedmartialarts.com, stated that Oliveira has drawn an indefinite term and needs a CT scan or MRI to be cleared to fight.”
(On the topic of painful leg injuries…)
We all saw lightweight Charles Oliveira get dropped and finished by Cub Swanson Saturday night at UFC 152. What we didn’t see, according to cut man Jacob “Stitch” Duran, was Oliveira injure his knee just before fighting Swanson while warming up in the locker room.
“I do know that in preparation for going out there, warming up, he twisted his knee,” Duran told MMA Junkie.
Duran also said that Oliveira needed assistance walking up the steps into the Octagon to fight Swanson. Junkie could not immediately reach Oliveira or representatives of the fighter but pointed out that “medical suspensions made public…on the Association of Boxing Commission’s official record keeper, mixedmartialarts.com, stated that Oliveira has drawn an indefinite term and needs a CT scan or MRI to be cleared to fight.”
We don’t yet know if that is because of head trauma sustained in the fight from the KO loss, this knee injury that “Stitch” says happened or both. If he did jack his knee up just moments before fighting, Oliveira deserves credit for not even mentioning it as an excuse thus far.
As for freak, last-minute injuries, Junkie correctly points out that these things sometimes happen in MMA. “Several fighters have injured themselves just prior to fights. In one infamous incident, former UFC heavyweight champ Kevin Randleman slipped on a pipe backstage prior to a fight with Pedro Rizzo at UFC 24 and knocked himself unconscious, which prompted officials to cancel the fight. UFC Hall of Famer Ken Shamrock was pulled from a fight with Kevin ‘Kimbo Slice‘ Ferguson at ‘EliteXC: Heat when he sustained a cut over his eye while grappling with a training partner on the day of the event,” they wrote.
Bonus OG ‘tater points to you if you have been watching MMA long enough to remember the bizzare announcement over the telecast at UFC 24 where Randleman’s slapstick moment postponed a title fight. Thank goodness the UFC has come far along enough where pipes are no longer just splayed across the floor of locker rooms and walk ways at their events.
(I kept telling the bouncers that I was over 21; I even showed them my ID and told them that it was *my* afterparty that they were bouncing, yet this happens once again…)
After enduring the longest card free drought in nearly two years, the UFC returned to action last Saturday, delivering an event that was thoroughly satisfying from top-to-bottom, unless you happened to be in the small minority of people who wished ill upon either Michael Bisping or Jon Jones, that is. But as is the case with most UFC events, the evening was not without its share of ups and downs, so join us as we take take off our fanboy pants, pull our analrapist stockings over our heads, and take a look back at the event that was…
The Good:
Seth Baczynski’s Second Tour of Duty: One of the more improbable, if not unknown, comeback stories currently circulating the MMA world, the story of “The Polish Pistola’s” second octagon run has seen him score submission victories over TUF 13 alum Clay Harvison, TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, and earn a split decision victory over Lance Benoist. His beautiful knockout of Simeon Thoreson this past weekend should have easily earned him the KOTN award, but we imagine that Baczynski will be happy enough knowing that he has more than earned a shot at some stiffer competition — and considering his finishing rate, a main card spot — in the near future.
Vinny Magalhaes‘ Second Tour of Duty: While we’re on the subject of TUF alums kicking major ass their second time around, we can’t overlook TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes, who clearly packed some of his M-1 swagger for his return to the big show (figuratively speaking, of course). Granted, it makes your job a hell of a lot easier when your opponent decides to play directly into your strengths, but for now, we’ll just congratulate Vinny on a sweet finish and a successful return.
(I kept telling the bouncers that I was over 21; I even showed them my ID and told them that it was *my* afterparty that they were bouncing, yet this happens once again…)
After enduring the longest card free drought in nearly two years, the UFC returned to action last Saturday, delivering an event that was thoroughly satisfying from top-to-bottom, unless you happened to be in the small minority of people who wished ill upon either Michael Bisping or Jon Jones, that is. But as is the case with most UFC events, the evening was not without its share of ups and downs, so join us as we take take off our fanboy pants, pull our analrapist stockings over our heads, and take a look back at the event that was…
The Good:
Seth Baczynski’s Second Tour of Duty: One of the more improbable, if not unknown, comeback stories currently circulating the MMA world, the story of “The Polish Pistola’s” second octagon run has seen him score submission victories over TUF 13 alum Clay Harvison, TUF 7 alum Matt Brown, and earn a split decision victory over Lance Benoist. His beautiful knockout of Simeon Thoreson this past weekend should have easily earned him the KOTN award, but we imagine that Baczynski will be happy enough knowing that he has more than earned a shot at some stiffer competition — and considering his finishing rate, a main card spot — in the near future.
Vinny Magalhaes‘ Second Tour of Duty: While we’re on the subject of TUF alums kicking major ass their second time around, we can’t overlook TUF 8 finalist Vinny Magalhaes, who clearly packed some of his M-1 swagger for his return to the big show (figuratively speaking, of course). Granted, it makes your job a hell of a lot easier when your opponent decides to play directly into your strengths, but for now, we’ll just congratulate Vinny on a sweet finish and a successful return.
Marcus Brimage – Hype Spoiler: With back-to-back victories over highly-touted prospects Maximo Blanco and Jimy Hettes, it’s safe to say that the TUF 14 alum has not only launched up the featherweight ranks, but is easily the most successful member to come out of the season despite only making it to the quarterfinals of the show (sorry, Diego). If Brimage can learn to control his pace a little better over the course of three rounds, we could be looking at a future contender.
The Bloodbath That was T.J Grant vs. Evan Dunham: Perhaps the only thing more surprising in this fight, other than the incredible improvement in Grant’s striking game, were the chins these two displayed while beating the ever-loving dog shit out of each other for three straight rounds. Dunham, who is no stranger to nasty cuts, had his forehead split so wide open in the second round that Grant could see his thoughts for the rest of the fight and prepare accordingly. Although Dunham has fallen on hard times as of late when it comes to getting the victory, the $65,000 bonus he walked away with should ease some of the pain, especially if he decides to stuff it directly into his open wound, which ironically resembles an empty wallet as viewed from above.
The First Flyweight Title Fight: Here’s how Dana White summed up Benavidez/Johnson:
If you didn’t like that flyweight fight, please, I’m begging you, don’t ever buy another UFC pay-per-view again…You’re a moron, you don’t like fighting and you don’t appreciate great talent or heart if you didn’t like that flyweight fight.
Now, although we wouldn’t put it as bluntly as DW (go figure), we’d have to agree with him on a fundamental level here. No, there weren’t as many grueling exchanges, insane submission attempts, or high-flying maneuvers as we’d hoped for in the first ever flyweight title fight, but it was an enjoyable five round affair nonetheless. The speed of “Mighty Mouse,” which has been described as “like pixie sticks on crack” by at least one person, led him to a decisive decision victory over a man who was considered “the uncrowned king of the flyweight division.” But judging by the comments section of CP and various other MMA sites, the questions that most people have about the flyweight division appear the same as before:
1. Can such tiny fists actually finish fights?
2. Will the lack of depth in the division lead to the recycling of contenders down the line?
Bipsing and Jones Silence Opponents/Haters: Aside from a rocky moment in the first round for both gentlemen, Michael Bisping and Jon Jones looked pretty flawless last weekend, impressively out grappling Brian Stann and Vitor Belfort, respectively. Bisping’s case for the next middleweight title shot is as good as anyone’s at this point, we guess, so if he thinks he can jab-and-jog Anderson Silva into a living death, we say why not let him try? As for Jones, well, there isn’t much to say really. He dominated another former champ and made it look relatively easy. Any questions in regards to his chin or ability to fight out of a bad situation have likely been squashed and hey, at least we got to see him at least tested this time.
Click the “next” tab to see things get real ugly in a hurry.
(Oh man. That kick was about six inches away from being the greatest DQ of all time.)
In case you missed Saturday night’s action, we’ve compiled 12 of UFC 152‘s best highlights in GIF form, from the gnarly stoppages to the memorable post-fight moments. Follow the “next page” links starting after the jump, or just use the direct links below. Special thanks to BloodyElbow and Cameldog for the hookups.
(Oh man. That kick was about six inches away from being the greatest DQ of all time.)
In case you missed Saturday night’s action, we’ve compiled 12 of UFC 152‘s best highlights in GIF form, from the gnarly stoppages to the memorable post-fight moments. Follow the “next page” links starting below, or just use the direct links below. Special thanks to BloodyElbow and Cameldog for the hookups.
Much has changed since 
