Tag: Funny Shit

The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia

He’s one of the most popular wrestlers to ever live and he could be the greatest of all-time, but unfortunately, Dwayne Johnson’s pre-Rock costume screams “lead role in a porn spoof of Braveheart.” Seriously, what in the name of Christ were the wardrobe specialists trying to do here? No wonder fans wanted him to die. Although when it’s all said and done, the joke’s on us for not making $44 million a year to star in a profusion of C-list movies.

13. Max Moon

Max Moon is a deleted scene from The Running Man.

12. Phantasio

The most frustrating thing about Phantasio was that his build could have led to something further down the road. I’m not sure he was a good wrestler, because I can’t really remember and the last thing I want to do is give him three minutes more of my time on YouTube, but had they ditched the Phantom of The Opera shtick, this guy could have, well, been someone else. He’s just so creepy, like someone who strangely appears at the end of your wet dream for absolutely no reason.

11. Shark Boy

When TNA wasn’t worse than a Friends spinoff, they were pretty fun to watch. One of their wrestlers, Shark Boy, had commenced his gimmick in the later stages of WCW (what better place to start) and thrived under the Tennessee-based company. He was more or less a really skinny dude who wore a shark mask and spandex that looked as if he was trying to be a shark. Never has a wrestler gone so far with a child’s dollar-store Halloween costume.

Dude Wipes: The Definitive CagePotato Review

(Unboxing the care package Dude Wipes sent CagePotato. Thanks, Dude Products!)

By Matt Saccaro

The MMA world peered at Tyron Woodley‘s ass and saw “DUDE WIPES” emblazoned across his most private chasm. In that moment, an MMA meme was born.

Dude Wipes, in some ways, are the ultimate expression of the ridiculous Dude-Bro culture ingrained in MMA–or that marketers think is ingrained in MMA. Whether through derision, revulsion, or legitimate curiosity, Dude Wipes became one of the top trends on Twitter during the fights. While some were happy to simply laugh at Dude Wipes and write them off as some kind of oddity, CagePotato wanted to know more. Myself and everyone else on the CagePotato editorial staff will never let it be said we won’t go to any heights (or depths) to the get stories that matter most to MMA. Dude Wipes, we believed, was one of those stories.

Thus, I went out to Walgreens and Target the morning after UFC 174, but found no Dude Wipes. Dejected, I resorted to making a post about them citing several Amazon reviews. But fate tossed me a life preserver in the shape of a Dude Wipe. Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes, found out about my dilemma and hooked me up. I was excited to get my hands (and butt cheeks) on some Dude Wipes. Check them out:

I also got two wristbands that say “Fresh ass dude” and “#DudeWipes” on them; they’re shown in the video.

So how did they measure up to my expectations? Find out after the jump.


(Unboxing the care package Dude Wipes sent CagePotato. Thanks, Dude Products!)

By Matt Saccaro

The MMA world peered at Tyron Woodley‘s ass and saw “DUDE WIPES” emblazoned across his most private chasm. In that moment, an MMA meme was born.

Dude Wipes, in some ways, are the ultimate expression of the ridiculous Dude-Bro culture ingrained in MMA–or that marketers think is ingrained in MMA. Whether through derision, revulsion, or legitimate curiosity, Dude Wipes became one of the top trends on Twitter during the fights. While some were happy to simply laugh at Dude Wipes and write them off as some kind of oddity, CagePotato wanted to know more. Myself and everyone else on the CagePotato editorial staff will never let it be said we won’t go to any heights (or depths) to the get stories that matter most to MMA. Dude Wipes, we believed, was one of those stories.

Thus, I went out to Walgreens and Target the morning after UFC 174, but found no Dude Wipes. Dejected, I resorted to making a post about them citing several Amazon reviews. But fate tossed me a life preserver in the shape of a Dude Wipe. Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes, found out about my dilemma and hooked me up. I was excited to get my hands (and butt cheeks) on some Dude Wipes. Check them out:

I also got two wristbands that say “Fresh ass dude” and “#DudeWipes” on them; they’re shown in the video.

So how did they measure up to my expectations?

I talk about it a bit in the above video detailing my initial reaction to them, but I hadn’t used them at that point. That video was just an appetizer.

After filming, I made sure to put myself into two distinct scenarios where Dude Wipes would be most useful: A bout of so-called “mud butt” diarrhea and an episode of excessive sweat–both without possibility of showering afterwards.

I trekked up to Taco Bell, America’s greatest guarantor of gastrointestinal malaise, and ordered enough fuel to give the bathroom at Castle CagePotato a new paint job. I especially liked the new Quesarito dish they have. I ordered mine without sour cream and chipotle sauce. I also indulged in a churro for good measure. Delicious.

Within an hour or two, the whirring of my intestines let me know I’d need my Dude Wipes soon. I’ll spare you the next set of details.

Once the intestinal aftershocks from the Taco Bell subsided, I broke out my bike and rode it around long enough to break out into a good sweat–and then some. I got back home, whipped out some Dude Wipes, and pretended I was a 13-year-old in gym class who was too shy to use the showers. The Dude Wipes performed well enough here. I definitely felt fresher from them.

Final Impression:

Some might say Dude Wipes are a needlessly gendered product. They’re right, but it doesn’t have to be this way. My biggest complaint about the Dude Wipes is that there’s nothing “Dude” about them outside of the sleek, modern, masculine packaging. They’d be great if they smelled like, I don’t know, cologne? Let me put it another way: After I use a Dude Wipe, I want to feel like a 7-foot tall lumberjack who just fucked the prom queen. I didn’t necessarily feel that way after I used them yesterday.

Furthermore, after the Taco Bell’s migration out of my colon, I was really pumped up to see how Dude Wipes would perform, only for them to be indistinguishable from baby wipes. It’d be in their best interest to make their product standout rather than just the angle at which the product is marketed.

Dude Wipes, from what I can tell, are aiming to simultaneously fulfill the functions of both baby wipes and deodorant body spray. They want to create a product that can freshen you up (either after a nasty crap or just when you’re sweaty/dirty but can’t shower) and also make you smell manly. While it succeeds in making you feel clean–I wanted to wear my “clean ass dude” wristband with pride because I was a clean ass dude thanks to the Dude Wipes–it leaves a bit to be desired in the smell manly part.

To reiterate: I would quite like Dude Wipes if they had a good–but not overpowering–masculine scent.

In terms of pure function, Dude Wipes work fine. The “crib edition” is essentially a pack of baby wipes, however. Still, their individualized, portable wipes are extremely handy and discreet. I’ll definitely be bringing a handful with me every day before I go to work as long as I have them.

TLDR: Dude Wipes has the wipes part down but needs to work on the dude aspect. Nevertheless, they can be pretty convenient. Pick up one of the to-go packs containing 30 Dude Wipes and see how you like them. You never know when diarrhea will rear it’s ugly, malformed, liquidy, corn-flecked head!

10 Songs the UFC Should Consider Replacing “Face the Pain” With

With the faint, reverbed trickle of a few downtuned guitar strings, the UFC announces its entrance into our homes nearly every Saturday. Unfortunately, the UFC is a bit of an unkempt houseguest, which is why it then proceeds to blast our ears out with the broiest bro rock anthem of them all, STEMM’s “Face the Pain.”

“Time to end this suffering!” shouts former STEMM vocalist Louis Penque, the irony being that for the next three or so minutes, our suffering has only just begun. “I need a minute to myself!” shouts anyone forced with the prospect of hearing this song to completion, “So I can slip away!”

Let’s face it, the UFC’s musical taste is as dated as it is laughably stereotypical. If you don’t believe me, just check out the lineup they booked for their 4th of July International Fight Week, or their current cross-promotion with Linkin Park. Linkin Park! In 2014! Crazy pills! I feel like I’m taking them!

The UFC has been blasting “Face the Pain” since August of 2002 and have all but refused to update their horrendous theme song in the face of harsh fan criticism. That being the case, we’ve decided to make a few suggestions for them…

With the faint, reverbed trickle of a few downtuned guitar strings, the UFC announces its entrance into our homes nearly every Saturday. Unfortunately, the UFC is a bit of an unkempt houseguest, which is why it then proceeds to blast our ears out with the broiest bro rock anthem of them all, STEMM’s “Face the Pain.”

“Time to end this suffering!” shouts former STEMM vocalist Louis Penque, the irony being that for the next three or so minutes, our suffering has only just begun. “I need a minute to myself!” shouts anyone forced with the prospect of hearing this song to completion, “So I can slip away!”

Let’s face it, the UFC’s musical taste is as dated as it is laughably stereotypical. If you don’t believe me, just check out the lineup they booked for their 4th of July International Fight Week, or their current cross-promotion with Linkin Park. Linkin Park! In 2014! Crazy pills! I feel like I’m taking them!

The UFC has been blasting “Face the Pain” since August of 2002 and have all but refused to update their horrendous theme song in the face of harsh fan criticism. That being the case, we’ve decided to make a few suggestions for them…

The Tru “Nu-Metal” Classics

Like many of its Affliction shirt-clad, Dude Wipe-wiping fans, the UFC seems to prefer neither rock nor hip-hop but rather some bastardized combination of the two — “Nu Metal” I believe it’s called — hence STEMM and Linkin Park.

For those of you not familiar with the genre, “Nu Metal” was spawned in the mid 1990′s and enjoyed a reign of dominance over the airwaves comparable only to “The Machida Era” in terms of its longevity. It is responsible for Limp Bizkit, the intentional misspelling of nicknames like Justin “The Nsane 1″ McCully, and Metallica’s St. Anger. It deserves every last bit of hate it receives.

But if the UFC is so insistent on keeping nu-metal a part of its brand, why not go with some true classics of the genre?

10. Skindred — “Nobody”

As far as nu metal bands go, Skindred is about unique as it gets, combining Jamaica-by-way-of-Wales reggae stylings with bouncy, “Jump Da Fuck Up”-esque guitar riffs and jungle drum beats since their formation in 1998. Not only have Skindred been able to meld these two styles without being laughed off every stage they’ve ever stepped foot on, they’ve actually enjoyed a huge amount of success. Whether its Ozzfest, Graspop, South by Southwest or the Wacken Open Air festivals, you can guarantee that Skindred have put their trademark stamp on it.

And it’s Skindred’s ability to seamlessly combine multiple musical styles for maximum effect that makes them the perfect potential face of the UFC’s music scene. They’re like the Frank Shamrocks of nu-metal, minus all the self-absorbed pretentiousness and braces. Not only that, but their British, and we all know how much the UFC loves them British folk.

Which brings us to “Nobody,” the first single released off Skindred’s debut album, Babylon. Featuring everything an MMA fan could want in a song (overdriven guitar riffs, a catchy hook, scat-screaming, etc.), “Nobody” is probably a prominent track on your gym/workout playlist already and should be given the UFC treatment while the kings of ragga-metal are still around to play it.

But it can’t be a UFC song without some hardcore, super badass lyrics, right bro? Well as far as I’m concerned, “Nobody gets out alive” > “Ripping me into pieces”

9. Deftones — “Engine No. 9″

There aren’t many nu metal bands with a discography that both stretches over a decade and contains more than 3 noteworthy tracks on each album. Truly, the genre offers little more than a depressing look back at our culturally misplaced, suburbanite understanding of what it meant to be rebellious just a few years ago. Of course, that our current understanding of the concept is centered around Justin Bieber pissing in mop buckets only shows how much further we have fallen, but I digress.

In any case, of all the putrid floor-turds shat from the garbage-ass that was nu metal, the Deftones are perhaps the *only* reputable band that could be associated with the genre. Taken from their debut album, 1994′s Adrenaline, “Engine No. 9″ remains one of the band’s most popular tunes and contains all the in-your-face attitude a UFC theme song could ever need. If there’s a better nu metal song than this, I don’t know what it is because I stopped listening to that nonsense when I was 14 like everybody else.

Then again, it’s not hard to imagine why the UFC loves nu metal so. Rocking out to the angsty, chug riff-laden beats of bands like Korn and Godsmack probably takes the UFC back to a time when the genre was most popular: The early 2000′s. Back then, the UFC was just some pimple-faced young punk without a care in the world. There were no major endorsements to hone their image around. There was no FOX deal, nor the pressure to fulfill 300 cards a year no mattered how watered down or unappealing they were that followed. There was only Mickey’s Malt Liquor and a card a month. Twas a simpler, better time.

What I’m trying to say is that growing up sucks.

Photo: *This* Is Why Tim Sylvia Hasn’t Re-Signed With the UFC


(“Hey man, I loved you in those Jackass movies. Now who is this Tim Sylvia guy you’ve got all these pictures of?”)

If Tim Sylvia’s Twitter feed is to be believed, the former UFC heavyweight champion is still chasing his dream of getting another fight with his former promotion, no doubt fueled by Andrei Arlovski‘s (subpar) performance at UFC 174 last weekend. He’s been tweeting up a storm, quite honestly, and even retweeting jokes being made at his expense simply because they contained his name and “ufc” in the same thought. He’s also been posting a lot of street fight and “Bully Gets Owned” videos, which is pretty neat in our opinion.

If this photo posted to Sylvia’s Twitter just two days ago is to be believed, however, it would appear that Sylvia has already achieved and surpassed his *other* dream of consuming an entire Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, brick, mortar and all. Or maybe morphing into a Kodiak grizzly bear. Either way, a congrats is in order to the man formerly known as “Fatty Boom-Boom” and soon to be known as the poster child for adult onset diabetes. But unless the UFC (or Bellator) plans on adding Akebonoweight to their ranks, we don’t see old Timmeh being invited back anytime soon. It’s a damn shame…


(“Hey man, I loved you in those Jackass movies. Now who is this Tim Sylvia guy you’ve got all these pictures of?”)

If Tim Sylvia’s Twitter feed is to be believed, the former UFC heavyweight champion is still chasing his dream of getting another fight with his former promotion, no doubt fueled by Andrei Arlovski‘s (subpar) performance at UFC 174 last weekend. He’s been tweeting up a storm, quite honestly, and even retweeting jokes being made at his expense simply because they contained his name and “ufc” in the same thought. He’s also been posting a lot of street fight and “Bully Gets Owned” videos, which is pretty neat in our opinion.

If this photo posted to Sylvia’s Twitter just two days ago is to be believed, however, it would appear that Sylvia has already achieved and surpassed his *other* dream of consuming an entire Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, brick, mortar and all. Or maybe morphing into a Kodiak grizzly bear. Either way, a congrats is in order to the man formerly known as “Fatty Boom-Boom“ and soon to be known as the poster child for adult onset diabetes. But unless the UFC (or Bellator) plans on adding Akebonoweight to their ranks, we don’t see old Timmeh being invited back anytime soon. It’s a damn shame…

–J. Jones

UFC 174 Snapchat Contest: The Winners!

In a way, we picked a great event to kick off our semi-recurring Snapchat contests, since most of you spent UFC 174 bored off your asses and looking for a way to pass the time. As promised, we’re giving away packs of Topps’ UFC Knockout 2014 cards to the best three snaps sent to cagepotatomma during the fights…

First place: girafarig, who sent us some amazing illustrations of the night’s winners, laid on top of her own face/body. Damn gurl, you killed it. We’re going to send you two packs of Knockout cards for your efforts. In fact, I’d like to post all of girafarig’s entries before we go any further…

In a way, we picked a great event to kick off our semi-recurring Snapchat contests, since most of you spent UFC 174 bored off your asses and looking for a way to pass the time. As promised, we’re giving away packs of Topps’ UFC Knockout 2014 cards to the best three snaps sent to cagepotatomma during the fights…

First place: girafarig, who sent us some amazing illustrations of the night’s winners, laid on top of her own face/body. Damn gurl, you killed it. We’re going to send you two packs of Knockout cards for your efforts. In fact, I’d like to post all of girafarig’s entries before we go any further…

Second place: pinkdildoranger (aka Harry Sanderson) shouting out our new favorite sponsor…

Third place: shmaldy, with his sad Jimmo tribute…

Great work, gang. I will message all three of you with instructions on how to claim your prize.

DISCLAIMER: galliesp and Smokey5000 also sent in amazing snaps that were probably prize-worthy, but I wasn’t able to screencap ‘em before they expired. I’m still getting the hang of this thing, guys. But in the future, please set the expiration time for like 20 seconds, at least.

TWO HONORABLE MENTIONS THAT MADE ME LOL….


(rockitawkwardly)


(xdparkerx)

And bvjarvis? Thanks man. You know why ; )