13. Basically refusing to sign Cris Cyborg forever.
14. Lying about all the fighter’s credentials and accomplishments for UFC 1.
15. Lying about all the fighter’s credentials and accomplishments in the modern day.
16. Instant rematches when the wrong guy wins.
17. Interviewing Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker whenever they show up at events.
18. The fact that you can buy Arianny t-shirts on the UFC website.
19. Every single time when they brought a potential opponent into the cage to square off with someone who just won their fight (this is our favorite example).
20. Bringing back Tank Abbott in the early 2000′s.
Earlier this week, Nick Newell alerted us to the Sherdog Fight Finder profile of That Guy, a middleweight veteran of Japan’s Tenkaichi Fight promotion. If anybody knows That Guy’s real identity, please get in touch with us, because we’d love to interview him about how he came to compete under the most anonymous billing since Unknown Fighter. In the meantime, here are 20 more ridiculous MMA fighter names we’ve found while browsing the Fight Finder, accompanied by the fighters’ profile photos when available. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any good ones.
Earlier this week, Nick Newell alerted us to the Sherdog Fight Finder profile of That Guy, a middleweight veteran of Japan’s Tenkaichi Fight promotion. If anybody knows That Guy’s real identity, please get in touch with us, because we’d love to interview him about how he came to compete under the most anonymous billing since Unknown Fighter. In the meantime, here are 20 more ridiculous MMA fighter names we’ve found while browsing the Fight Finder, accompanied by the fighters’ profile photos when available. Enjoy, and let us know if we left out any good ones.
Notable Achievements: Jobbed to James Terry on two different Strikeforce undercards. Almost worthy of a spot in MMA’s Weird-Stomach-Tattoo Hall of Fame. Almost. According to Wikipedia: “He is the current WSCA (Wyoming Sports Combat Association) Welterweight Champion.”
(This guy getting punched out by Jacob Volkmann has a Wikipedia page, yet Ilir Latifi does not. I *dare* you to identify him without using Google.)
Notable Achievements: Jobbed to James Terry on two different Strikeforce undercards. Almost worthy of a spot in MMA’s Weird-Stomach-Tattoo Hall of Fame. Almost. According to Wikipedia: “He is the current WSCA (Wyoming Sports Combat Association) Welterweight Champion.”
Frank Caraballo
(A Google Image search for Frank Caraballo will result in this picture, which I have deemed far more interesting than any pictures of the actual fighter.)
Notable Achievements: Won a fight on the Bellator prelims by flying knee against Donny Walker, a recently-released UFC veteran who went 0-2 in the promotion (and narrowly avoided a spot on this list). According to Wikipedia: “At Bellator LXVI, Frank defeated Donny Walker via flying knee KO in the fourth round and in doing so unified his NAAFS interim featherweight title with the real title to become the undisputed NAAFS featherweight champion.” You know a title is legitimate when it’s awarded to the winner of a bout taking place on the preliminary card of a different promotion’s show.
Notable Achievements: Was once married to Randy Couture, and currently has a 3-8 MMA record; those three victories come over ladies with a combined MMA record of 0-5. Not only lost a fight to a professional wrestling stall-hold, but almost died in said maneuver. According to Wikipedia: “Couture grew up on a ranch with her brother. She has played basketball, volleyball and track throughout her life.” Cool story, Wikipedia.
Rosen Dimitrov
(He’s the guy on the bottom; photo courtesy of Sherdog)
Notable Achievements: Apparently the baddest man in Bulgaria; possibly the author of his own Wikipedia page. According to Wikipedia: “With his twin brother Rumen Dimitrov they founded the organization TWINS MMA and they have enormous success by producing live events and by giving chance for all young fighters to participate and to show what they can.”
Notable Achievements: An honorable mention for our 50 Worst Fighters in UFC History tribute, making him the rare combination of talented enough to fight in the UFC, incompetent enough to be a UFC one-and-done, and completely, utterly unremarkable all at once. According to Wikipedia: “Brian Gassaway (born August 7, 1972) is an American mixed martial artist currently competing in the Welterweight division.” This is the only sentence in the entire entry, proving that even Brian Gassaway’s Wikipedia page knows next to nothing about Brian Gassaway.
Herbert Goodman
(Two of these three men would go on to have semi-relevant NFL careers.)
Notable Achievements: The anti-Herschel Walker, so to speak. Was a downright bad NFL running back with the Green Bay Packers before becoming a decent regional-level MMA fighter. Signed by Bellator to job to Hector Lombard, and was knocked out in well under one minute. According to Wikipedia: “In his two seasons in the NFL he ran the ball four times for -3 yards and fumbled twice.”
Mark Hughes
(This will make more sense in a second. Promise.)
Notable Achievements: Does being the brother of Matt Hughes count? Holds a victory in the UFC against Alex “The Fighting Al Bundy” Steibling; of course we aren’t making Steibling’s nickname up. According to Wikipedia: “Soon after fighting in the UFC, Mark decided that it just wasn’t for him and he went back to his family, the farm and his construction company (Hughes Construction).” This may be the Hughesiest sentence ever composed.
The UFC’s ongoing quest for world domination will see the promotion hold over forty events in 2014, including the “European Tour” that kicks off March 8th in London with UFC Fight Night 38. After that, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Poland, and Turkey will also host Fight Night events, catering to the many fans across Europe who are hungry for their UFC fix.
Since these events will be broadcast on the UFC’s online service Fight Pass, they will likely be filled with European talent, to not only attract local crowds but to keep the costs down. The UFC’s European Head of Operations Garry Cook previously revealed that the promotion was on the lookout for another matchmaker to join Joe Silva and Sean Shelby, specifically to help fill those events. So, I’ll do the job for them and highlight four European fighters that UFC needs to sign this year…
Current Employer: KSW Notable Wins: Mevlin Manhoef, Kendall Grove, Rodney Wallace, Matt Lindland, James Irvin Why the UFC Should Sign Him: We’ve been Khalidov-nuthuggers for years, but can you blame us? Currently riding an eight-fight win streak (all wins by stoppage) the Polish wrecking machine is widely regarded as the best middleweight not signed to a major promotion. Admittedly, his opponents have mainly consisted of cans and UFC washouts, but he has dispatched them in brutal fashion. The Chechnya native has displayed a wide range of attacks as he continues to swallow the competition KSW feeds him, utilizing his devastating submission game and vicious striking.
Many of the big players in the MMA world have tried to get the elusive signature of Khalidov, with Bellator, Strikeforce and the UFC all failing. Khalidov went as far as to call the UFC’s offer “laughable” back in 2012, but with the 33-year-old racking up more wins since the initial offer, the Zuffa brass might be convinced to dig deeper into their pockets to make another offer. Despite the possibility of being a fairly “expensive” European signee, he would provide a stiff test for many of the top 185-pounders on the UFC’s roster. And if the UFC really wants to break into the Polish market, they need this guy.
(Mamed Khalidov squints in celebration after choking out Melvin Manhoef last June. Photo via Piotr Pedziszewski/Sherdog)
The UFC’s ongoing quest for world domination will see the promotion hold over forty events in 2014, including the “European Tour” that kicks off March 8th in London with UFC Fight Night 38. After that, Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Poland, and Turkey will also host Fight Night events, catering to the many fans across Europe who are hungry for their UFC fix.
Since these events will be broadcast on the UFC’s online service Fight Pass, they will likely be filled with European talent, to not only attract local crowds but to keep the costs down. The UFC’s European Head of Operations Garry Cook previously revealed that the promotion was on the lookout for another matchmaker to join Joe Silva and Sean Shelby, specifically to help fill those events. So, I’ll do the job for them and highlight four European fighters that UFC needs to sign this year…
Current Employer: KSW Notable Wins: Mevlin Manhoef, Kendall Grove, Rodney Wallace, Matt Lindland, James Irvin Why the UFC Should Sign Him: We’ve been Khalidov-nuthuggers for years, but can you blame us? Currently riding an eight-fight win streak (all wins by stoppage) the Polish wrecking machine is widely regarded as the best middleweight not signed to a major promotion. Admittedly, his opponents have mainly consisted of cans and UFC washouts, but he has dispatched them in brutal fashion. The Chechnya native has displayed a wide range of attacks as he continues to swallow the competition KSW feeds him, utilizing his devastating submission game and vicious striking.
Many of the big players in the MMA world have tried to get the elusive signature of Khalidov, with Bellator, Strikeforce and the UFC all failing. Khalidov went as far as to call the UFC’s offer “laughable” back in 2012, but with the 33-year-old racking up more wins since the initial offer, the Zuffa brass might be convinced to dig deeper into their pockets to make another offer. Despite the possibility of being a fairly “expensive” European signee, he would provide a stiff test for many of the top 185-pounders on the UFC’s roster. And if the UFC really wants to break into the Polish market, they need this guy.
(Pendred vs. Che Mills @ Cage Warriors 55, 6/1/13)
Current Employer: Cage Warriors Notable Wins: Che Mills, Nico Musoke, David Bielkheden Why the UFC Should Sign Him: Pendred is already set to appear on TUF 19: Penn vs. Edgar in pursuit of a UFC contract, but being on the reality show doesn’t guarantee him one. Regardless of how he performs, the Irishman warrants a space on the UFC roster. He may not be as brash or have any special talents like his teammate Conor McGregor, but Pendred is definitely a talent to watch as he provides non-stop action, and an effective grinding style that has helped him remain unbeaten since 2010.
The former CWFC welterweight champion, who was born in Boston, campaigned hard to get on last year’s debut FOX Sports 1 show, but failed in his attempt. Most recently he asked Dana White for a spot opposite Alessio Sakara as Tom Watson fell victim to the injury bug, but the gig eventually went to Nico Musoke, a former scalp of Pendred. And so, Pendred is entering the UFC the hard way — through the booze-fueled reality show chaos of TUF. Pendred is familiar with UFC competition as he trains regularly at Straight Blast Gym in Ireland which houses McGregor and Iceland’s Gunnar Nelson.
(Barnaoui vs. Colin Fletcher @ BAMMA 14, 12/14/13)
Current Employer: BAMMA Notable Wins: Colin Fletcher, Curt Warburton Why the UFC Should Sign Him: Born in Tunisia and now residing in France, the current BAMMA lightweight champion has looked very impressive with back-to-back first round finishes over ex-UFC fighters Curt Warburton and Colin Fletcher. Warburton employed a heavy grappling offense which Barnaoui was able to stifle by getting back to his feet whenever taken down and punishing Warburton with strikes, eventually getting the finish. The rangy striker is always the aggressor in the stand-up, and his knee strikes have also made him very dangerous in the clinch.
Barnaoui’s title defense against Fletcher was a wild brawl. Nevertheless, Barnaoui showed more composure during the battle, ultimately pulling through after he was dropped, then avoiding a submission before pulling one off himself. The man also known as “Tarzan” has already racked up thirteen professional fights, and as he continues to develop his skills the 21-year-old is only getting better.
(Buchinger vs. Stevie Ray @ Cage Warriors 63, 12/31/13)
Current Employer: Cage Warriors Notable Wins: Stevie Ray, Jamal Magomedov Why the UFC Should Sign Him: Bellator light-heavyweight champion Attila Vegh isn’t the only well known MMA fighter representing Slovakia, as Cage Warriors featherweight champion Ivan Buchinger has also done his home country proud. More known for his defeat to Conor McGregor — which has led to the footage being played over, and over again — “Buki” has since redeemed himself by going on a four-fight win streak which saw him capture the CWFC featherweight title.
Buchinger has demonstrated his durability and endurance by finishing opponents late in his fights, including a fourth-round submission victory over then-champion Stevie Ray. Buchinger has a varied attack which paves the way for his buttery smooth ground game, which has helped him win a majority of his fights by submission. The Slovak doesn’t play it safe and always looks to end the fight before the last bell. With the way things have been going lately, the UFC could use more guys like that.
3. After seeing a crazy move in an MMA fight/porn scene, you’ve attempted it in your personal life and failed miserably.
4. Most people who start careers in MMA or porn burn out within a couple years — which makes Robbie Lawler and Lisa Ann‘s continued success absolutely miraculous.
5. Your tumblr feed is flooded with GIFs related to both forms of entertainment.
6. Your girlfriend will only watch it with you on special occasions.
7. It’s depressing to hear how little some of these guys get paid.
(So is this a gi class or a no-gi class? Jeez, BangBros, a little wardrobe consistency wouldn’t kill you.)
By the CagePotato staff
MMA and porn go hand in sweaty hand. The similarities are kind of shocking when you think about it. For example…
1. You started watching it when you were a teenager, and you’re still into it, somehow.
3. After seeing a crazy move in an MMA fight/porn scene, you’ve attempted it in your personal life and failed miserably.
4. Most people who start careers in MMA or porn burn out within a couple years — which makes Robbie Lawler and Lisa Ann‘s continued success absolutely miraculous.
5. Your tumblr feed is flooded with GIFs related to both forms of entertainment.
6. Your girlfriend will only watch it with you on special occasions.
7. It’s depressing to hear how little some of these guys get paid.
8. Casual fans only care about their favorite fighters/porn stars. Die-hard fans will watch no matter who’s performing.
9. The rise of the Internet has changed the entire business model.
10. You thought War Machine did a pretty good job, considering.
11. The typical music that accompanies MMA and porn is completely identifiable to both genres after only a couple chords.
15. Sometimes, a 60-second clip is the perfect amount, but you can find some grueling thirty-minute sessions online if you know what you’re looking for.
16. Both activities occasionally remind us how much bodily fluid a person carries around, just waiting to be squeezed out.
17. Back in the ’90s, you had to go to a very specific video store to find the right tapes.
18. Most of your time on Twitter is spent trying to get your favorite fighters/porn stars to retweet you.
