Tag: liveblog

UFC 162: Silva vs. Weidman — Main Card Results & Commentary


(“Cmm ert mih brrr.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

They’ve smushed chins. They’ve mushed lips. But tonight at UFC 162 in Las Vegas, Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman will let their fists do the love-making, and the only bodily fluids being exchanged will be BLOOD. [Ed. note: Look, I’m doing my best here.] Whether the Brazilian G.O.A.T. makes his 11th middleweight title defense, or the “All-American” lives up to his Rocky-esque underdog hype, I think we’re in for a hell of a battle.

Also on the pay-per-view lineup, Frankie Edgar steps into his first non-title fight since 2009 when he tangles with featherweight Charles Oliveira, while divisional standouts Cub Swanson and Dennis Siver jockey for their place in the 145-pound contender chain. Meanwhile in the middleweight division, Strikeforce vets Tim Kennedy and Roger Gracie look to make a good first impression in the UFC, while familiar contenders Tim Boetsch and Mark Munoz try to bounce back to the win column.

Handling our liveblog for the “Silva vs. Weidman” main card is Alex Giardini, who will be slingin’ live results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for the latest updates, and feel free to mouth off in the comments section.


(“Cmm ert mih brrr.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

They’ve smushed chins. They’ve mushed lips. But tonight at UFC 162 in Las Vegas, Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman will let their fists do the love-making, and the only bodily fluids being exchanged will be BLOOD. [Ed. note: Look, I’m doing my best here.] Whether the Brazilian G.O.A.T. makes his 11th middleweight title defense, or the “All-American” lives up to his Rocky-esque underdog hype, I think we’re in for a hell of a battle.

Also on the pay-per-view lineup, Frankie Edgar steps into his first non-title fight since 2009 when he tangles with featherweight Charles Oliveira, while divisional standouts Cub Swanson and Dennis Siver jockey for their place in the 145-pound contender chain. Meanwhile in the middleweight division, Strikeforce vets Tim Kennedy and Roger Gracie look to make a good first impression in the UFC, while familiar contenders Tim Boetsch and Mark Munoz try to bounce back to the win column.

Handling our liveblog for the “Silva vs. Weidman” main card is Alex Giardini, who will be slingin’ live results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for the latest updates, and feel free to mouth off in the comments section.

Good evening gentlemen (let’s be honest, your girlfriends are out cheating on you)…the Potato’s resident spaghetti-bender here, guiding you through UFC 162: Silva vs. Weidman. After yesterday’s attempt to dethrone Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling’s moment of the century, both Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman will battle for the middleweight title in a main event we actually give a shit about (it’s rough in the bubble these days, my patates).  After a hectic week full of fighter pay controversies, Ken Shamrock sleazebaggary and a video that surfaced where Chael Sonnen looks severely out of place, the focus should be on Silva’s legacy and if the time has finally come for us to witness his first Octagon loss. Despite over a dozen fighters siding with Weidman, Silva will never be an underdog in a middleweight fight (for you Jon Jones fanny’s out there). He has been a gift for us to watch and you’ll agree with me when I say I never want this dude to go away. Weidman, a 9-0 Serra-Longo fight team product, really caught everyone’s eye when he submitted Tom Lawlor in just over two minutes back at UFC 139. I don’t have to remind you of what he did to Mark Munoz in his last fight to bring you up to speed on where we’re at today. He is also making $24,000 to show, which is less than the average Cage Potato reader’s annual salary.

The co-main event features Frankie “Lil’ Balboa” Edgar against Brazilian submission ace Charles Oliveira. Edgar is on a three-fight losing streak and despite still being viewed as one of the best fighters in the world; he desperately needs to win tonight…which is why this slight mismatch was made in the first place.

Also on the card is everyone’s favorite complainer Tim Kennedy, as he squares off against fellow Strikeforce vet Roger Gracie. Mark Munoz takes on Tim Boetsch and Cub Swanson meets Dennis Siver in what should be the fight of the night. Sit tight, refresh and don’t stream this one illegally, you vile combat sports enthusiast – scam your parents into thinking you’re visiting them tonight and order it on their satellite provider, because that’s exactly what I’m doing.

Intro video has Anderson Silva declaring the fans will like what they see tonight. Weidman says he will look to submit him and take his belt. And of course, cue the “Bring the pain, it’s insane, make em’ step to this” song that has never left us.

Cub Swanson vs. Dennis Siver

Round 1: Dennis Siver comes out to fucking Papa Roach and Swanson to something that kids who take molly’s listen to. Herb Dean summons them both and they touch gloves. Siver misses with a low legkick. Both men exchange low legkicks, as Siver bounces up and down repeatedly. Swanson gets a nice jab in as Siver misses with a big overhead right. Siver throws a headkick but it doesn’t connect. Nice right hand by Swanson. Siver catches a kick by Swanson and throws him to the ground. Siver trying to work as Swanson has his right leg stuck in his half-guard. Siver trying to clinches Swanson’s head and arm, and then ends up in side control. Siver attempting a crucifix and throws a few punches. Siver now has Swanson’s hips and Swanson attempts a guillotine. Both men are back on their feet, Swanson now in a southpaw stance. Siver lands another kick and a flurry before the bell sounds. 10-9 Siver.

Round 2: Siver working with those low legkicks as a part of his gameplan. Nice left hook by Swanson forces Siver to reshuffle his positioning. Patented spinning heel kick by Siver lands but doesn’t do too much damage. Swanson checks another headkick from Siver. Swanson goes for a left hook and Siver ducks under, working for a takedown but its stuffed. Solid kick by Swanson and Siver is slightly bloodied in the nose. Both men circling more and more, looking for openings. Another headkick blocked by Swanson and he throws one of his own that also gets blocked. Siver pushed forward with the jab and Swanson gets a good kick in to the body. A solid left jab rocks Swanson back a few steps. Big uppercut by Swanson and Siver tries to go for a takedown and Swanson judo flips the living hell out of Siver. Swanson in full mount and defends positioning well as Siver tries to get up. Sloppy display by Swanson has Siver reverse positioning but he doesn’t have any time to work. 10-9 Swanson.

Round 3: Siver lands a decent left hook and Swanson returns the favor with a solid headkick. Siver looking slightly tired as Swanson jukes back and forth. Nice right hand by Swanson; he’s getting into the groove now with his combinations. Siver misses with a spinning heel kick. Jab by Siver but it doesn’t faze Swanson. Another right hand by Swanson and another – Swanson drops Siver and continues to pummel him on the ground with hammerfists. Herb Dean steps in and that’s it for Siver.

Cub Swanson def. Dennis Siver by TKO (Strikes), Round 3, 2:23. 

Notable celebs in attendance include Mike Tyson and according to Mike Goldberg, “one of the greatest in the world”, Usher. A shot backstage sees Anderson Silva looking like a badass Bruno Mars in a fitted, while Weidman gets booed by the home crowd.

Mark Munoz vs. Tim Boetsch

Round 1: Munoz looking hella in shape. Mazzagatti gets booed and the fighters touch gloves. Frontkick by Boetsch and gets a takedown but Munoz flips him over. That doesn’t last for long as both men are back up but Boetsch gets a big takedown. Both men back up and Boetsch clinching Munoz against the fence. They break apart to the center of the Octagon. Boetsch pushes forward and clinches Munoz against the fence. Nice knee to the body by Boetsch but Munoz takes him down. Boetsch gets back up and eats a punch on the way. Munoz gets another takedown but Boetsch rolls and ends up on top. Boetsch works a guillotine while Munoz takes him down but Boetsch hangs on. Boetsch rolls but loses it. Back on their feet, Munoz catches him with a solid right hand. Munoz has Boetsch clinched up against the fence. Munoz with a knee to the body as Boetsch tries to work for something. Combination by Munoz includes an uppercut but Boetsch looks alright. Tough round to score. 10-9 Boetsch.

Round 2: Nice kick to the body by Boetsch. Munoz returns the favor and adds a solid hook in the process. Munoz has Boetsch clinched against the fence but Boetsch reverses the positioning. Right hand by Boetsch but he cannot capitalize as Munoz scores a takedown. Munoz on top, looking for those Donkey Kong punches. Boetsch is controlling Munoz’s left wrist. Hammerfist by Munoz followed by huge shots to the body (specifically the ribcage). Boetsch gets up but he cannot stop Munoz’s wrestling, as the “Filipino Wrecking Machine” scores another takedown. Munoz is now controlling this fight. More shots to the body by Munoz, as he is playing seesaw with Boetsch’s head and ribcage. Knee to the body by Munoz as he stands over Boetsch. The horn sounds and Boetsch has got to be hurting. 10-9 Munoz.

Round 3: Munoz backing up towards the fence and sets up a big right hand as he lunges forward. Munoz goes for another takedown but Boetsch goes for a guillotine. He cannot secure the choke and goes for a Japanese necktie but he can’t get that either. Boetsch now going for Munoz’s arm but Munoz explodes out of the position and takes his back, raining down hammerfists. Munoz continues his assault with hammerfists to the head, thigh and ribs. Boetsch covering up and Munoz continues with relentless ground and pound. Kimura attempt by Munoz in half-guard, stretching Boetsch’s arm back. Munoz loses it but continues to ground and pound. Munoz sneaks an arm behind Boetsch’s neck for a rear-naked choke but Boetsch isn’t having any of it. Munoz now continues with his ground strikes as Boetsch tries a kneebar. Munoz tries a jumping donkey punch but misses as the round ends. 10-9 Munoz.

Mark Munoz def. Tim Boetsch by Unanimous Decision (30-26, 30-27, 29-28)

Man, Tim Boetsch is a tricky name to write over and over. It’s no Nurmagomedov…but it’s still tough. Finally, they show Roy Jones in the crowd…and then Ronda, of course.

Tim Kennedy vs. Roger Gracie

Round 1: Both men touch gloves and Kennedy immediately crouches coming forward. Gracie looking quite huge next to Kennedy. Gracie clinches and grabs control of Kennedy’s waist, as plenty of morons in attendance commence to boo. Kennedy is back up and goes for double-underhooks. Both men exchange jabs as the fight gets back to the center. Gracie catches Kennedy’s legkick but cannot capitalize. Gracie clinches Kennedy against the cage and ends up on top of him on the way down. Gracie now takes his back but Kennedy is doing a good job of controlling Gracie’s wrists. Brazilian fans chant for Gracie in Portugese. Kennedy spins out of the position and ends up on top but does not have any time to do something significant. 10-9 Gracie.

Round 2: Kennedy throws a kick to Gracie’s knee, followed by another legkick. Kennedy gets a takedown and ends up taking Gracie’s back. He starts to ground and pound and Gracie is covering up. Gracie rolls out and both fighters are back to their feet. Both men grappling against the cage and Kennedy has superior position over the Brazilian. Gracie reverses and now has Kennedy against the cage, who looks at the clock. Takedown by Kennedy and is now in half-guard. Kennedy is doing a good job of staying clear from submissions but he isn’t working and Kim Winslow stands them back up. Frontkick misses by Kennedy and pits Gracie against the fence once more. 10-9 Kennedy.

Round 3: Another frontkick that misses by Kennedy opens the round. Kennedy throws a big left but misses. Gracie has his hands down and isn’t throwing many punches except for a jab here and there. Not much going on with both fighters throwing a strike every few seconds. Gracie works for a takedown and eventually gets it but Kennedy gets right back up. Gracie is pushed against the fence and looks exhausted. This round is so lackluster than a wave has started in the crowd and Kim Winslow seems to acknowledge it by breaking up the fighters. Left hook by Kennedy lands right on the chin. Gracie’s hands are still down, looking quite Frankensteinesque at this point. Kennedy lands a knee with Gracie against the fence as the fight ends. 10-9 Kennedy.

 Tim Kennedy def. Roger Gracie by Unanimous Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)

No post-fight interview for Kennedy. Time constraints or conspiracy, you decide. GSP in attendance, as Goldberg says Dana White has a special announcement for us regarding the welterweight champ. Co-main event time…here comes Lil’ Balboa.

Frankie Edgar vs. Charles Oliveira 

Round 1: Both men looking pumped at the staredown. Yves Lavigne brings them together. Both men start out with a furious pace. Edgar with a right hand and Oliveira immediately goes for a takedown. Edgar lands on top and gets a harsh warning for hanging on to the cage. Edgar looking faster on the feet but Oliveira is keeping up so far. Edgar is landing the jab over and over again. Oliveira tries to climb the Edgar tree but Edgar slams him down. Edgar is now in Oliveira’s guard and escapes to his feet before Oliveira can get a hold of his ankle. Edgar lands a legkick as Oliveira misses a flying scissor-kick. Frankie lands a left hook but Oliveira answers with a solid right hand. Big left hook by Edgar slightly rocks Oliveira. Edgar goes for a takedown but cannot get it. Edgar has a little bit of blood trickling out of his nose. Oliveira is thrown down again but is staying active with elbows from the bottom. 10-9 Edgar.

Round 2: Edgar keeps on landed his left hook by faking with his right. Frankie’s footwork looks great but Oliveira is keeping up like no other so far. Edgar trying to get a takedown but Oliveira is doing a good job defending. Nice legkick by Edgar followed by a big right hand. Nice jab lands by Oliveira, looking sharp with knees to the body in the clinch as well. Edgar takes him down but Oliveira wraps his long legs around Edgar, forcing him to find answers in the guard.  Oliveira is keeping busy with elbows from the bottom but Edgar landing some solid shots. Back on their feet, Oliveira lands a solid combination. Edgar with a left hook but Oliveira answers with a sharp elbow. Oliveira with another jab and Edgar is bloody now. Edgar catches Oliveira’s kick but cannot make him pay as Oliveira moves backwards. Edgar clinches Oliveira back against the fence and scores a big takedown. Edgar finds himself in a guillotine but survives as the horn sounds. 10-9 Edgar.

Round 3: Edgar opens up with two left hooks. Oliveira picks up the pace with a nice combination but Edgar tags him with a big right. Edgar catches Oliveira’s leg and throws him to the ground. Lavigne stands up Oliveira who has done a remarkable job by keeping up with Edgar. Oliveira rocks Edgar with a right to the temple that forces Edgar to step back. Oliveira follows up with a knee that connects. Edgar goes for a takedown but it ends sloppily and Oliveira is back up. Oliveira lands another big right hand, followed by a left hook. Oliveira’s striking looks very impressive in this fight – a big improvement in his game. Another big right hand stuns Edgar. Edgar fights back with one of his own. Flying knee by Edgar but it doesn’t do damage. Oliveira sort of throws himself on the ground and Edgar jumps on top of him with some ground and pound. With Edgar in the guard, he tries to throw some big shots from the top. That’s got to be the Fight Of The Night. 10-9 Edgar.

Frankie Edgar def. Charles Oliveira by Unanimous Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)

I think Oliveira surprised a lot of people, myself included. Definitely not the same dude that got rocked by Cub Swanson. How could you not love Frankie Edgar? How?

Steven Segal in attendance sporting a ridiculous goatee, which goes well with his ridiculous yellow shades. This will be a good time to tell you I actually love his movies…have I purchased any? Don’t be silly.

Main event time…holy shit, this is going to be something.

Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman

Round 1: Weidman extends his hand but Silva simply bows. Yikes. Dean summons them to the center and Silva starts to shuffle left to right. Silva with some nice footwork and Weidman goes for a takedown. Silva is on his back and Weidman ends up in his guard. Weidman pouring some ground and pound with some solid left shots. Silva is deflecting the shots and Weidman tries to pass. Weidman is back on his feet and keeps on punching Silva. Weidman goes for a heel hook while Silva spins out of it and they are back on their feet. Both fighters have their hands down and are trying to find openings. Both fighters are clinched together and break apart. Nice knee by Silva. Silva throws a vicious legkick. Weidman throws a jab and Silva returns the favor in nonchalant fashion. Silva continues with some legkicks and starts to taunt Weidman, asking him to bring it on. Both men embrace at the sound of the horn and Silva kisses him. A very tough round to score. 10-9 Weidman.

Round 2: Silva says “Come on, man!” in the corner. Weidman with a nice jab and Silva starts to dance. Silva now jogging while throwing kicks. Silva taunting his opponent as Weidman lands a jab. Silva doesn’t cover up and Weidman rocks him. Silva taunts him, gets hit with a left hook, falls and Weidman follows up with some big shots. Weidman has just knocked out Silva. Oh my god. New middleweight champion.

Chris Weidman def. Anderson Silva by Knockout (Round 2, 2:12), wins the UFC Middleweight Championship.

“It pisses me off when someone does that to me”, Weidman tells Rogan. Well, that’s how you win over the crowd. That’s quite the reversal, as the crowd relentlessly boos Silva. When asked if he wants a rematch, Silva declines and says he won’t fight for the belt. He has 10 fights left and what he is saying is that he is superfight bound at this point. When is the last time a fighter paid that high a price for slacking off? “Hello Japan”?!

Writing that last paragraph, I was five espressos deep and quite frankly I couldn’t feel my face as I watched that knockout. I think this is the biggest moment in MMA history and I can’t believe I was able to share it with Potato Nation. There is nothing else I can say. Let it simmer, I guess. Goodnight. Holy shit, man. Goodnight.

UFC 162: Silva vs. Weidman — FX Prelims Results & Commentary


(“Wait a minute…I’m fighting the friggin’ Gevalia Coffee guy?” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Before the UFC 162 pay-per-view card kicks off, how ’bout we warm up with some fights on free TV? Tonight’s FX Prelims broadcast features a crowd-pleasing lineup of sluggers, including Chris Leben, Gabriel Gonzaga, and Edson Barboza, and the first post-TUF Smashes appearance of Norman Parke.

Handling liveblog duties for this leg of the “Silva vs. Weidman” fight card is none other than Matt Saccaro, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please toss your own analysis and witticisms into the comments section. Thanks for being here.


(“Wait a minute…I’m fighting the friggin’ Gevalia Coffee guy?” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Before the UFC 162 pay-per-view card kicks off, how ’bout we warm up with some fights on free TV? Tonight’s FX Prelims broadcast features a crowd-pleasing lineup of sluggers, including Chris Leben, Gabriel Gonzaga, and Edson Barboza, and the first post-TUF Smashes appearance of Norman Parke.

Handling liveblog duties for this leg of the “Silva vs. Weidman” fight card is none other than Matt Saccaro, who will be stacking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please toss your own analysis and witticisms into the comments section. Thanks for being here.

The UFC always tries to make the “4th of July” card worth the $60 fans have to pay for it. This time, they succeeded. The main card is studded with talent. The FX preliminaries have some gems too. Fighters like Chris Leben, Gabriel Gonzaga, and Edson Barboza will be trying to rekindle their flames on FX. Hopefully, they’ll also be providing us with fights so exciting that we forget about all the shitty commercials we have to endure throughout the broadcast. Seriously though, if I have to hear Kid Rock talk about the sound of his freedom one more time…

Anyway, the violent festivities are about to start soon, so let’s quickly recap what happened on the Facebook prelims:

Mike Pierce defeated David Mitchell via TKO. The first round was so boring that all 11 people in the audience were booing.

Brian Melancon defeated Seth Baczynski via TKO. This TKO was an interesting one as it came quite literally at the bell. The bell sounded and then viewers saw a starched, lifeless Baczynski that was clearly going to be unable to answer the bell for the second round.

Now, the commercials are finally over and the first pairing of fighters is now entering the cage for the FX portion of the fight card. We have Edson Barboza vs. Rafaello Oliveira—Brazilian Muay Thai stud and former Next Big Thing™ vs. Generic Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt with a 1-2 record in the UFC who’s coming off a year-long absence from the cage.

This is Barboza’s biggest test since getting upset by Jamie Varner back in 2012. Since then, Barboza has only fought once, defeating the unheralded, unheard of Lucas Martins in under three minutes.

Oliveira is coming off his only UFC win, a unanimous decision over the fighter with the toughest name to spell in the history of the UFC, Yoislandy Izquierdo. Prior to that win, Oliveira lost via TKO to Yves Edwards and via Submission to Gleison Tibau.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it seems like Barboza is “supposed” to win this fight. He’s younger, more talented, and his spectacular highlight reel and skillset makes him more marketable. The fight is about to start now so I’ll put away my tinfoil hat…

Round 1: They touch gloves to start the fight. Barboza lands a leg kick. Oliveira lands a left hook. Oliveira tries a body shot and misses. Barboza hits two more hard leg kicks in succession. Then he lands a huge body kick. The thud echoed throughout the arena. Barboza lands a left to the body and Oliveira shoots in pathetically. Barboza lands two more vicious leg kicks. Oliveiria is a deer in the headlights and Barboza is a mack truck. Oliveira attempts a single leg and fails, only to eat another kick to the body. Oliveira lands a right hand, then shoots and again fails. Barboza hits a spinning back kick. After a period of inactivity, Barboza hits yet another leg kick. Maybe we’ll see a Paul Varelans vs. Marco Ruas? Oliveira fails to takedown Barboza AGAIN. Barboza lands a millionth hard leg-kick, Oliveira fails his millionth takedown attempt in response. A minute left in the round now. A mouse is forming on Oliveira’s right cheek. Oliveira is limping now too, from all the leg kicks. He’s going to be in trouble in the second round. The bell sounds the end of round one. We score it 10-9, Barboza.

Round 2: An ineffective flurry from both fighters starts the round. Barboza hits a nice sweep when he catches a kick from Oliveira. Oliveira manages to take Barboza down off a leg kick but Barboza gets back to his feet very quickly. Another leg kick buckles Oliveira, and then another right after. Oliveira is moving like a wounded animal. A leg kick floors Oliveira this time. He’s limping really badly. This is brutal. Barboza hits another leg kick and Oliveira falls to the mat. Herb Dean mercifully stops the fight. Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg are having an orgasm over the fact that Barboza is the first guy to win two fights with a TKO via leg kicks.

Result: Edson Barboza def. Rafaello Oliveira via TKO (leg kicks) at 1:44 of round 2.

Next up is a scrap between disgraced heavyweights Gabriel Gonzaga and Dave Herman.

For a brief time, the MMA world thought that Gonzaga was “back.” He ran through one of Junior Dos Santos’ training partners and then submitted Ben Rothwell (remember when people thought Rothwell was HW champ material back in the IFL days? Good times). But after that, Travis Browne smashed Gonzaga’s head in with a brutal series of elbows. The fight lasted only a minute.

Dave Herman has lost three in a row. How he still has a job is a bit of a mystery. Maybe the heavyweight division is just really thin and Joe Silva doesn’t want to part with a warm body that can fill a card? Maybe Herman is friends with somebody important? Maybe he has nude pics of Dana? We’re not sure.

Herman is 1-3 in the UFC going into this fight and is on a three-fight losing streak. He lost to Stefan Struve, Roy Nelson, and Big Nog. The last loss to Big Nog was the most embarrassing of them all since Herman had infamously proclaimed that BJJ didn’t work…only to be submitted via arm bar.

Will Herman have better luck this time? Or will Gonzaga unmask the power animal in him and RADICALIZE his fighting skills? Let’s watch and find out.

Round 1: They touch gloves. Herman lands two front kicks. Gonzaga counters a leg kick with a massive overhand right that floors Herman. He follows up with a few punches and referee Kim Winslow stops the fight. Herman looks pretty pissed. Stoppage MIGHT have been a bit early, actually. Regardless, the fight is over.

Gabriel Gonzaga def. Dave Herman via TKO (punches) at 0:17 of round 1.

Now that that fight is over, we have our first (and only) piss-break match of the FX prelims: Norman Parke vs. Kazuki Tokudome:

This is a win-win fight for the UFC. They have an Irish guy on a winning streak taking on a Japanese guy on a winning streak. No matter who wins, they get a guy they can market overseas that has a healthy winning streak (even if the streak might not be over the best competition but hey, the MMA media won’t question it).

Now, I called this a piss-break match and that really isn’t fair, I guess. Both of these fighters are talented and, at age 26, could have a bright future. It’s just that, compared to some of the other names on the prelims, these guys aren’t as known—which means that casuals and even some hardcores  might tune out during this match.

Well, CagePotato will never tune out. So feel free to smoke or take a piss and then read the liveblog for the results, which are…

Round 1: They touch gloves. Parke lands a nice left hand. Parke misses a head kick. Tokudome lands a weak leg kick. Parke swings big with a right hand and misses by a mile. Parke lands two stiff jabs and Tokudome just eats them. Parke follows up with a big left over the top. Parke misses an Anderson Silva-front kick. Tokudome eats another big left. Tokudome has no footwork and no head movement. He continues to stand in front of Parke. Tokudome throws some ineffective punches and eats some counters. Tokudome comes forward and lands a left, and then eats a counter left. They clinch and Tokudome winds up pinned against the cage. Parke grabs a leg and drags Tokudome to the mat. Tokudome gets up but Parke takes his back during the transition. Park attempts a takedown and is reversed, he’s now on his back with Tokudome in his guard. There’s not much action save for some soft punches from both fighters. Parke tries a Kimura and gives up on it shortly after. Tokudome still can’t pass Parke’s guard. Parke gets up to his feet from guard and simply pushes Tokudome over. He passes Tokudome’s guard and the round ends. Pretty close round but I give it to Parke, 10-9.

Round 2: Tokudome lands a weak leg kick, countered by a right hand. The two fighters exchange half-strength flurries that both miss. Tokudome lands a combo of light punches. Parke lands a big left hand, Tokudome flees, and then Parke lands another. Parke is landing some big punches now. They both slow down. Parke backs off and takes a deep breath.  Parke keeps spamming big lefts. The two men clinch briefly and then break up. Parke throws more haymakers, but this time Tokudome counters a few. Parke lands another straight left. Tokudome misses a massive hook. Parke ducks under it and lands a single-leg. He has Tokudome sitting against the fence. There isn’t much action now. Tokudome manages to get back to his feet. Parke still has an underhook but can’t do anything with it. Tokudome separates and lands a sweet flying knee, but it’s all for naught since Parke takes him down off of it and then gets mount. Tokudome powers his way out of mount and then attempts his own takedown, which fails. The two men get back to their feet and exchange strikes until the round ends. 10-9 Parke.

Round 3: A series of strikes from both fighters doesn’t go anywhere. Tokudome takes the center of the cage and has Parke scurrying away. Parke attempts a single which backs Tokudome into the cage. Tokudome gets a takedown, which is reversed. Parke has Tokudome in a front headlock now. Tokudome gets Parke against the cage, who quickly spins around and reverses the position. Tokudome lands some short, strong elbows but Parke is unfazed. Parke takes Tokudome’s back and attempts a takedown, which is successful but Tokudome reverses. He winds on top of Parke, in Parke’s guard. Parke rises to his feet very quickly. Both fighters are breathing with their mouths wide open now. Tokudome lands a head kick which momentarily stuns Parke. Tokudome capitalizes on this, scoring a takedown on Parke, who is only on the ground for a few seconds before rising to his feet. They’re both clinched against the cage now. They separate. There’s a minute left now. Parke lands some more punches on Tokudome’s stationary head. Tokudome lands an uppercut. Parke goes for a single leg which he can’t complete. They’re both against the cage now and it looks like the round is going to end there. It does, but not before Parke gets Tokudome down for a split second. This was the toughest round to score. I say 10-9, Tokudome.

Result: Norman Parke def. Kazuki Tokudome via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28).

And now, the preliminary bout we’ve all been waiting for—even if you weren’t anticipating it more than the others, you have been waiting for it so technically the statement is accurate—Chris Leben vs. Andrew Craig.

Leben is arguably in the darkest part of his career. He’s 1-3 in his last four and is coming off two losses, most recently to Derek Brunson back in December. But before that, he lost to Mark Munoz and then tested positive for oxycontin. This offense earned him a yearlong suspension.

Leben’s only win in the last two years is over a decrepit Wanderlei Silva. A loss tonight could be damning for Leben.

Craig is 8-1. He’s coming off a loss to Ronny Markes.

Was this fight made to get Leben back on track? After all, Leben has over three times as many fights as Craig. I guess we’ll have to watch.

Round 1: No touch of gloves to star the fight. Leben rushes in sloppily and goes for a single leg. Weird. He hits some foot stomps and keeps Craig against the fence. He hasn’t given up on the takedown yet. He has an underhook and keeps working the foot stomps. Craig gets a Thai plumb and lands a nice knee. Leben gets Craig against the cage again and this time gets Craig onto the mat but only briefly. Craig attempts a knee but it’s blocked. Leben throws a really ugly, lazy leg kick and then almost falls down. Leben throws a body kick and lands a left hook. He rushes in and Craig lands a knee to the body. That doesn’t stop Leben though, who again pushes Craig against the cage. They separate and Craig lands a right hand to Leben’s face. Leben lands a knee to the body and they separate. Craig lands an inside leg kick and then attempts a leg kick. A left-right combo fazes Leben for a bit who attempts a clinch but is shrugged off. Leben looks tired. He tries an off-balance leg kick which misses badly. He goes for a single leg again and fails. He grabs a body lock on Craig and gets him to one knee but then Craig rises. They’re clinched and then they separate. On the separation, both men throw like they’re in a bar fight but nothing comes of it. They reset in the center of the cage. Craig tries a double leg but Leben stuffs it. The round ends shortly after. That one was close but I give it to Leben 10-9.

Round 2: Goldy shills for Fox Sports 1 before the round starts. Both fighters start the round with big punches that miss. Leben, again, presses Craig against the cage and keeps attempting takedowns that go nowhere. Leben tries some more foot stomps but nothing. He grabs a leg again, but still nothing. Craig gets a Thai plumb and hits a big knee to the face but Leben isn’t hurt. Leben continues to press forward and Craig can’t get away; he’s stuck against the cage again. This time though, he manages to reverse the position and push Leben against the fence. He transitions to a Thai clinch and lands another knee before Leben escapes. They reset and Craig lands an elbow. Leben continues his wall-and-stall strategy. He lands a knee to Craig’s body and then Craig escapes off the fence. Leben throws a leg kick. Craig lands a left hook. Leben misses another leg kick and Craig lands a leg kick. Craig initiates a clinch this time and gets Leben against the fence, who reverses Craig. This is like the 20th time we’ve been in this position during this fight. Rogan is commenting about how Leben is the more aggressive fighter but Craig is landing more. Leben clinches again and lands some body shots. Leben throws some big shots which are blocked. The round ends. Tough round to score, as Rogan said. 10-9, Craig.

Round 3: Craig seems much fresher but that doesn’t stop him from letting Leben come forwards and try to bully him. Both fighters throw a flurry of messy strikes. Craig lands a few which floor Leben. Craig keeps landing follow-up strikes but Yves Lavigne doesn’t stop the fight. Leben gets back to his fight and is now pressed up against the cage. His face is red and he looks exhausted. They separate and Craig lands two uppercuts. Leben clinches and, for the 100th time, pushes Craig against the fence and does nothing there save for some light strikes. Leben stalks Craig, who shoves Leben to the floor when Leben attempts to clinch. Craig is in Leben’s guard now. He passes to half guard. Leben gets to his feet after thinking about a Kimura. Craig takes a deep breath. Despite this though, Craig is still visibly the fresher fighter. Craig successfully attempts a double leg. He’s in Leben’s guard now. Both fighters are throwing light punches. Craig passes into half guard. Thirty seconds left. Leben wall-walks his way up and both fighters separate but not for long. Craig takes Leben down again and time expires. I give it to Craig, 10-9.

Result: Andrew Craig def. Chris Leben via split decision (29-28 Craig, 29-28, Leben, 30-27 Craig).

That does it for the UFC 162 FX prelims. Be sure to continue following the action at our main card live blog!

UFC 161: Evans vs. Henderson — Main Card Results and Commentary


(No shoving? No forehead bumping? No repeated demands that one fighter treat the other like a bitch? Come on guys, you gotta give us *something* here. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

The UFC makes its first stop in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, tonight, and yes, the lineup is somewhat garbage-ass. That’s what happens when you lose your original main event and then your co-main event due to injuries. But the show must go on, and we’ll be here liveblogging the pay-per-view broadcast all night, whether you join us or not. (Please join us. Please?)

On the menu for this evening: Rashad Evans and Dan Henderson try to avoid the gaping chasm of irrelevance, Roy Nelson goes for his fourth-straight knockout against Stipe Miocic, and highly regarded women’s bantamweight prospects Alexis Davis and Rosi Sexton make their debuts against each other. Plus, Pat Barry might leg-kick Shawn Jordan to death, and Ryan Jimmo might do the robot. Fingers crossed.

Handling our play-by-play is Anthony Gannon, who will be stacking live results from the UFC 161 main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and throw in your own analysis in the comments section.


(No shoving? No forehead bumping? No repeated demands that one fighter treat the other like a bitch? Come on guys, you gotta give us *something* here. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting.com)

The UFC makes its first stop in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, tonight, and yes, the lineup is somewhat garbage-ass. That’s what happens when you lose your original main event and then your co-main event due to injuries. But the show must go on, and we’ll be here liveblogging the pay-per-view broadcast all night, whether you join us or not. (Please join us. Please?)

On the menu for this evening: Rashad Evans and Dan Henderson try to avoid the gaping chasm of irrelevance, Roy Nelson goes for his fourth-straight knockout against Stipe Miocic, and highly regarded women’s bantamweight prospects Alexis Davis and Rosi Sexton make their debuts against each other. Plus, Pat Barry might leg-kick Shawn Jordan to death, and Ryan Jimmo might do the robot. Fingers crossed.

Handling our play-by-play is Anthony Gannon, who will be stacking live results from the UFC 161 main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and throw in your own analysis in the comments section.

Good evening, Potato Nation. So far this fight weekend has been a winner. Last night’s WSOF event produced a leg kick TKO where the vic, Brian Cobb actually tried to call a time out; one of the nastiest rear naked chokes you’ll ever see by Steve Carl; and of course “The People’s Warrior” Josh Burkman did in 41 seconds what Demain Maia couldn’t do in 15 minutes – put Jon Fitch’s crooked Mohawk having ass to sleep. Oh yeah, one of our favorite fighters, Jacob “Dr. Feelgood” Volkmann got himself another decision win. Just don’t go calling it boring, you fat turd. Anyway, the point is that it was an entertaining event with spectacular finishes. It would be a tough act to follow – especially for this injury-riddled UFC card – if not for the probability that about 17 people actually watched it.

That filthy Gypsy who ravaged last year’s events is back in town, and as always she’s an unrelenting whore. Let’s just hope that moving forward this event is the exception rather than the rule. We lost the main event, Renan Barao vs Eddie Wineland due to a Barao foot injury. They claim it happened in training, but it’s quite possible he smacked his pinky toe stepping out of the shower and is just embarrassed to admit it. A training injury is sexier, of course, but we can all understand the horror of a stubbed toe. It’s a criminally underrated injury that hurts like a sumbitch. So if it was a stubbed toe, dammit admit it was a stubbed toe.

Then we lost Little Nog vs Shogun due to Nog’s back injury, or cowardice, depending on your view. Chael Sonnen volunteered to save the day once again, but could not travel to Canada due to visa complications likely stemming from his 2011 money laundering conviction. Whether he’s making fantastical claims, setting up schemes so elaborate that those who are in on it don’t even know they’re in on it, or plotting to buy an island, declare his own nation and recreate the world in his image, Sonnen has a way of stealing the show. Look at this, he’s not even on the card and I’m rambling on about him. That, ladies and gentlemen, is why he’s the American Gangster. Okay, that’s enough.

So we took some hits here, no big deal. Let us be optimists for a change. Studies have shown that gratitude is the key factor in determining happiness. And it’s true if you think about it. Just because your neighbor has a hot wife, a BMW, and a rockin’ crib, while you got old roofing shingles crashing down onto your Sanford and Son truck and a wife who’s desperately trying to get on the next season of The Biggest Loser, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be happy. Forget that prick, focus on all that you have and bask in the elixir of delusional wealth and success. It’s that simple. This is why the Bible has all that stuff in it about not coveting thy neighbor’s shit. So rather than mocking that which we’ve been denied, let us appreciate the bountiful fight card we do have. Yeah, I did just say that. And no, I don’t really buy it either.

So who will step up and save the day? Pat Barry and Shawn Jordan, perhaps? Barry had a real creepy smile on his face at the weigh-ins, looked like Pyle right before he blew away Gunny Hartman. Ryan Jimmo and Igor Pokrajac? Jimmo was rocking a creepy smile too, and he took way too long to disrobe, kind of like he was doing the crowd a favor by allowing them to view his statuesque physique and pencil eraser nipples. Maybe Alexis Davis and Rosi Sexton steal the show tonight. Or, maybe Rashad Evans decides that he actually likes having fans and abandons his 50 takedowns pledge.

You see, the fans used to consider Rashad, for lack of a better term, kind of a dick. It was always obvious he was a good guy, he just had a way about him that fans didn’t care for. It’s hard to explain. Some things, right or wrong, just paint a guy as a dick, like wearing a visor. That perception has changed somewhat over the past couple of years though. Sure, Rashad still catches some boos, but nothing on the scale of a few years back. It’s a tenuous arrangement, however. Another piss poor performance can turn us into haters again. Rashad needs to perform.

Dan Henderson, on the other hand, will always be loved. He’s a pimp. The dude is 42 years old, has some jacked up ears, and likes to knock bitches stupid. But the true key to Dan’s success is he rolls out to “Lunatic Fringe.” It’s just one of those inspirational songs with the power to put the grossly misguided idea in your head that the Joker can actually beat this animal in a wrestling match; just as the Rocky theme has the power to make an otherwise sensible person put on a stained-ass sweat shirt, guzzle some raw eggs, and run up a bunch of steps, even though that’s the surest route to simultaneously vomiting and shitting yourself.

You can check out all the undercard results here. And in case you were wondering, all that blood on the mat is from Sam Stout’s face.

Kicking off the action tonight we have Pat Barry vs Shawn Jordan.

You cannot deny the appeal of Pat Barry. Rarely will we see a 5-5 UFC fighter who gets as much love as Barry. The reasons are simple: he’s an affable dude who in ten Octagon appearances has only gone to decision once – a kill or be killed type. Not to mention that his presence on a card gives Rogan an incredible boner as he talks about Barry’s “thunderous” leg kicks, which will undoubtedly trigger a Goldberg response to Jordan’s collegiate football background and the fact that he once ran the 40 in 4.6. Yes, Goldy has a fascination with MMA fighters who once played other sports. Some years back he almost popped one off when commenting on the reason why it appears that Marvin Eastman has a football player’s build is in fact because he was a football player. So there ya have it.

Round 1: They touch gloves and it’s on. Barry with a hard high kick, blocked. Barry lands a short right, then a leg kick. Jordan charges forward with insane punches in bunches and holy shit he knocks Barry on his ass and finishes him!

A nice combo put Barry down, and about 20 lefts to the temple forced the ref to step in. Nice win for Jordan, a TKO at the 59 second mark of the first round.

Alexis Davis and Rosi Sexton are next.

So far the ladies have failed to disappoint in the Octagon. This one should be no different.

Props to Davis for coming out to Run DMC’s “It’s Tricky.”

Direct quote from my usually feminist girlfriend – “Fuck that bitch up!” Classy, right? Yeah she’s a keeper. I’ll make sure to remind her of this the next time she flips out after sitting me down for an excruciatingly long conversation about her emotional needs, and when it’s my turn to reveal my deepest intimacies all I can muster is, “more head.”

Round 1: Davis sticks a jab to start things off. Sexton with a good right. Davis tries an elbow, glances. Sexton responds with a right, eats a knee. High paced to start off. Davis lands a real good knee to the body. Sexton lands a few body shots. Davis going for a takedown, Sexton defending well. They’re against the cage working for position, now they split, and Sexton lands a left off the break. Sexton shoots, ends up with Davis on her back. Well that probably wasn’t the plan. Now Sexton is on her back in full guard looking for a triangle. She just locked it up. Sexton landing good shots to the face, but she’s still in that choke. Davis can’t finish it, now she loses it. And now she’s taking some shots to the grill. Got the triangle again, but it aint gonna work. The round ends that way. 10-9 Sexton

Round 2: They come out jabbing, both land. Now they clinch, Davis lands a knee and eats an elbow. Sexton presses Davis against the cage looking for a takedown. She got it, and is in side control. Davis is going for a leg, but instead decides to reverse and ends up on top, ends up in full guard. Davis drops a few shots down. So far Sexton doing a good job avoiding any major damage. Oh, but Davis sticks a decent elbow right on Sexton’s cheek. Now Davis is dropping successive punches down. Davis with a knee to the body, looking for a rear naked choke now. Davis only has one hook in, she let’s go. She’s got Sexton’s back, hooks in, and flattened her out. She’s dropping shots, now elbows, and Sexton will survive. 10-9 Davis

Round 3: Sexton opens with a left jab, Davis with a straight right. They trade a few decent shots center cage. Davis shoots, Sexton sprawls, goes for a leg, but Davis ends up taking her back. Uh oh, lot of time left. Body lock by Davis, looking for that rear naked. Softening Sexton up with punches to the chops. Sexton slips out, but now Davis is fishing for a triangle. Nothing doing , has to settle for full guard. Davis working a high guard. Sexton drops a few to the ribs. Davis doing a good job controlling Sexton’s posture, staying out of trouble. Davis rolls out, Sexton goes for her back, but loses it and ends up in bottom in guard. Davis drops a few to the body, and it ends with an up kick by Sexton. Close round. Could go either way. 10-9 Davis

The official decision is in: 29-28, 29-27, 29-28, Alexis Davis by unanimous decision.

Ryan Jimmo vs Igor Pokrajac is next.

Jimmo does the robot when he wins, and as far as I’m concerned that’s reason enough to root for him. Certain pantomime acts of yesteryear are universally banned and those who perpetuate them deserve to be tortured, such as anyone in this day and age who thinks it’s acceptable to “raise the roof.” It’s not. You see this shameless spectacle a lot with overweight women sitting in the crowd on daytime talk shows. I’m not sure if the producers of these shows encourage this sort of behavior, but it needs to end. Same applies to anyone who does the Arsenio fist pump. Double down on the severity of the torture if they also chant “woof, woof” while doing it. The robot, however, is timeless when properly done, especially when mixed with break dancing.

Igor rolls out to AC/DC, stoic as any self-respecting Croatian should be.

Damn, Jimmo responds with John Fogerty. Respect!

Round 1: Jimmo opens with a leg kick. Igor with a right. Jimmo pushes Igor against the cage, working some knees to the thigh. Wow, Yves Lavigne breaks them up with the quickness. They clinch again. Yves breaks them up yet again. Yves aint havin’ this shit today, man. Jimmo with a good jab. Igor charges in, ducks a punch, and clinches. Jimmo with a few short shots. They get separated again. And they clinch. Igor grabs a neck, Jimmo pops it out. They break and Jimmo sticks an elbow. The clinch again. Jimmo has under hooks but doesn’t seem to be looking for a takedown. Yves busts them up again. Igor with a high kick, misses by a mile. Leg kick by Jimmo. Igor charging in, eats a shot. They trade jabs. Igor with a combination, then lands a solid right. Jimmo with one of his own. They clinch again and the round ends. 10-9 Jimmo

Round 2: Jimmo opems with an inside leg kick. Igor stalking. Jimmo lands a big right, drops Igor. He descends, but Igor gets up. Jimmo takes him down. Jimmo working some decent ground and pound, nothing too devastating. Jimmo’s cornermen are giving him instructions. Igor has a message for them, “Blah, blah, blah.” Igor lands a few shots from bottom position. Jimmo still working the ground and pound, still not landing anything all too significant, although he is winning the round. They’re kinda stalled, and Yves is nowhere to be found. Jimmo with some short elbows. Igor with a couple damn good shots from the bottom and sticks an up kick. Jimmo moves to side control. The round ends. 10-9 Jimmo.

Round 3: Igor lands a good right to the jaw, Jimmo walks through it and clinches. Igor with a nice trip takedown, but he gets reversed and Jimmo is on top in guard. Maybe this round Yves will remember that he’s allowed to stand them up when there’s nothing happening. The crowd is starting to get restless. Jimmo lands a couple good shots, getting active now. Igor going for a guillotine. Jimmo is free. More short elbows from the top. Igor gets up, and here comes the clinch. Yves breaks them up. Dude don’t like the clinch apparently. Pretty bad fight, audience is letting them have it. 10-9 Jimmo

The decision is 30-27 across the board, Ryan Jimmo by unanimous decision. Unfortunately that performance does not warrant the robot.

Roy Nelson and Stipe Miocic are up next.

It’s great that Roy’s been knocking dudes out lately, but I kinda miss the days when he would take a guy down and smother him with his unctuous bosom. Legend has it Roy would stuff a week-old tuna melt under the flap to intensify the suffering. Sly, Big Country. Very sly.

Stipe is a good wrestler/boxer who is looking to find his groove in the heavyweight division. He rolls out to some indiscernible hip hop in a simple t-shirt and a backwards hat. No frills kinda guy, Stipe is.

Big Country comes out to “We Will Rock You” looking about as unkempt as a guy can look walking into the Octagon.

Round 1: Roy misses an uppercut, eats a left. Roy looks like he’s trying to force the overhand right. Stipe with a right. Roy lands one of his own, then a kick. Jab by Stipe. Roy misses the overhand, and eats a nasty combo from Stipe. Roy fakes a shot, eats a right for it. Roy hard to the body. Then eats another combo. Stipe with a nice knee. Uppercut by Roy, misses. Roy lands the right. Tries it again, misses. Stipe lands a good jab, and is peppering Roy up with elbows and punches. Now an uppercut lands. He’s kicking Roy’s ass. Roy clinches, and they separate with nothing happening. The round ends with a Big Country leg kick. 10-9 Stipe

Roy’s cornerman screams at him to get his shit together.

Round 2: Stipe with a powerful right, then a knee. Oof, he lands another good combo. And another. Stipe is crisp tonight. It doesn’t hurt than Roy is already exhausted. Roy throws two rights in a row, definitely forcing them now. Roy is getting beat up again now. Stipe with a couple short elbows in the clinch. Stipe shoots, Roy defends. But Stipe then lands a body kick, then a left jab. Roy paws a couple jabs out there, misses. They trade right hands. Stipe continues to land jabs, but Roy finally lands something solid with an uppercut. Roy is huffing and puffing. Stipe with another jab, then a good straight right. It ends with Roy plodding forward with his arms up looking for a fight. 10-9 Stipe

Round 3: Two jabs followed by a left for Stipe. He lands a good right. And another jab. Leg kick by Stipe, Roy misses a right. Stipe with a right, Roy responds with one of his own but it don’t have much on it. Roy charges forward and misses about five different strikes. Roy with a decent right. Stipe gets a takedown, Roy gets up. They clinch against the cage, and Stipe is working the body. The ref separates them. Roy lands a good uppercut. Good combo by Stipe, and he’s tooling Roy. They clinch again, and Roy looks like he’d rather be somewhere else. It ends, and that’s a bad performance for Roy to go into free agency on.

30-27 across the board for Stipe Miocic.

It’s main event time, Dan Henderson vs Rashad Evans, and these guys really need to save the day here.

Rashad said of Henderson, “He beats everyone. He beats em good too. He just knocks em the hell out, and they sleep for a long time.” I’m not sure why but I find that to be one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard.

Both these guys are coming off shitty losses in horrible fights – Henderson to Machida and Rashad to Little Nog. They could both use the W, no doubt, but they also need impressive showings to stay relevant in the division.

And of course Dan doesn’t come out to “Lunatic Fringe.” Bad sign. Instead he chooses some country western shit.

Round 1: Here we go. Feeling each other out to start. Rashad with a jab to open up. Hendo wades in, gets backed up by a shot. Rashad goes for takedown #1, fails. Rashad with a real nice left. Hendo misses a right. Rashad attempts another takedown, Hendo stuffs it. Now they’re clinched, and they separate without much happening. Hendo misses an overhand right. Jab by Rashad. Great jab by Hendo drops Rashad, he’s rocked. Hendo goes after him, but Rashad seems recovered. Hendo misses a big right to end the round. 10-9 Hendo simply for landing the only significant strike.

Round 2: Rashad opens with a left jab. He gets a takedown, but Hendo is up with Rashad on his back. Hendo straightens things out, and they’re working against the cage. Hendo with a knee to the body. They separate, and Rashad lands a right. Hendo with a knee. They exchange, both landing glancing blows. Straight right misses by Hendo. Rashad with a big right, Hendo ducks it. They trade jabs. Another takedown attempt by Rashad stuffed. Rashad lands a decent combo, then goes for another takedown, can’t get it. Hendo charges in, Rashad backs up and the round ends. Tough one to score. 10-9 Rashad

Round 3: They touch and it’s on. Rashad with a left jab. Hendo wades in and misses a left hook. Rashad comes in and eats a big right, but then responds with a nasty combo that stuns Hendo. Then a jab by Rashad. Hendo with an overhand right, Rashad easily avoids it. Rashad shoots for a single leg, Hendo defends so Rashad pushes him into the cage and looks to be working toward another takedown attempt. Hendo with a couple knees to the body. Rashad goes to the body. They separate. Nice stiff jab by Rashad. Dan closes distance, and they clinch again. Rashad with a few shots, Hendo with a knee. Rashad drops for a leg, nothing doing. Hendo responds with an elbow. This is a grueling round, Hendo looks miserable. Dan misses a huge right, Rashad ends with a jab. 10-9 Rashad

The official decision is in, and it’s 29-28, 29-28, 29-28 and the split decision goes to Rashad Evans

Okay, I’ll say it. Overall that was a pretty suck ass event. Thanks for checking in. I’m out. It’s time for a drink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UFC on FUEL TV 10: Nogueira vs. Werdum — Live Results & Commentary


(Alright, let’s get this shit over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

Tonight’s UFC event is, without question, the most highly-anticipated FUEL TV card since Mousasi vs. Latifi. In the main event, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Fabricio Werdum — who served as coaches on a show that you probably didn’t watch — will put on a repeat performance of their battle from the 2006 Pride Openweight Grand Prix. Plus, Thiago Silva slugs it out with Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante, Erick Silva returns against the streaking Jason High, and the TUF Brazil 2 finalists square off. (Well, not both of the finalists, because once again, one of the finalists was injured before he could make it to the big dance, but look, there will be a fight between two guys on the show, and we were planning on walking our dog during that match anyway.)

Handling CagePotato’s main card liveblog for this evening is Matt Kaplan, who will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if anybody’s actually reading this, please let your voices be heard in the comments section.


(Alright, let’s get this shit over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

Tonight’s UFC event is, without question, the most highly-anticipated FUEL TV card since Mousasi vs. Latifi. In the main event, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Fabricio Werdum — who served as coaches on a show that you probably didn’t watch — will put on a repeat performance of their battle from the 2006 Pride Openweight Grand Prix. Plus, Thiago Silva slugs it out with Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante, Erick Silva returns against the streaking Jason High, and the TUF Brazil 2 finalists square off. (Well, not both of the finalists, because once again, one of the finalists was injured before he could make it to the big dance, but look, there will be a fight between two guys on the show, and we were planning on walking our dog during that match anyway.)

Handling CagePotato’s main card liveblog for this evening is Matt Kaplan, who will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump beginning at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and if anybody’s actually reading this, please let your voices be heard in the comments section.

Hey now. Mk here, ready to go. A few more commercials and we’ll be good.

Rony Jason vs Mike Wilkinson

Round 1: Bruce Buffer speaking Portuguese is just adorable. The intros have been made, and we’re off. Wilkinson doesn’t want to touch gloves. Jason fires first but is taken down from a double by Wilkinson. Wilkinson is in Jason’s guard…and is about to be triangled. Elbows from Jason. Wilkinson is out! Fight’s over! Triangle attack + elbows = here comes the Jason mask.

Rony Jason wins by Rd. 1 technical submission.

Middleweights up next…

Daniel Sarafian vs. Eddie Mendez

Rd. 1: Sarafian has the crowd behind him, so let’s see if he uses it. Sarafian shows a lot of head movement early, bouncing on the balls of his feet and firing off a lead left followed by a straight right that connect. Both are tied up against the cage now, but Sarafian nails an inside trip and is in half guard. Looks like Sarafian is looking for an arm triangle. Oh yes. He’s got the mount. Done. That was nice. He trapped the arm, passed to the right side of Mendez, and finished the arm triangle.

Daniel Sarafian wins by Rd. 1 submission.

 

Godofredo Pepey vs. Felipe Arantes

Rd. 1: Pepey presses forward and lands a left hook that sends Arantes back to the fence; Pepey wants the takedown, but Arantes defends well.  Pepey takes Arantes’s back, but Arantes lands in his guard. Both men fire shots from this position. Arantes is starting to turn up the offense and is landing heavy shots. Wait a minute. Pepey has full mount and is looking for an opening. And now Arantes is on top and is pounding the shit out of Pepey. Punches, elbows. That’s it. Fight’s over. Damn. Here’s the replay: yeah, those elbows from Arantes really landed flush.

Felipe Arantes wins by Rd. 1 TKO.

 

Jason High vs. Erick Silva

Rd. 1: High kicks low (see what I did there?) early, but misses. And misses with his 1-2. Silva catches a kick, they scramble, and Silva has High’s back. High is looking to stand, but Silva has that armbar/triangle snatched. As High rises (and again), Silva secures the armbar, and that’s it. In the post-fight interview, Silva explains how he went for the rear naked choke,but instead went for the armbar.

Erick Silva wins via Rd. 1 submission.

 

 Raphael Assuncao vs. Vaughan Lee

Rd. 1: Both men kick early, but Assuncao seems to be rpessing a little harder. Assuncao snatches a single against the cage and lands a right hands as they move to the center of the cage. Assuncao is throwing to end the fight, but Lee is firing back. Lee lands a good jab that gets Assuncao’s attention. Assuncao presses with a lead left. Leemisses to the body. Assuncao grabs a body lock and gets the outside leg trip, but Lee is right back up. Assuncao grabs a double and dumps Lee. He’s in Lee’s half guard now and is elbowing at the left thigh. Now he’s in side control. Lee wants out, but Assuncao mounts him and here come the punches. Lee is up, but Assuncao is all over him when the horn sounds.

Rd. 2: High kick from Lee, but Assuncao is still aggressive. Assuncao grabs a double and is bleeding from above the left eye. Assuncao takes down Lee, has the mount, and goes for the arm. Russian armbar time. Lee rolls, but Assuncao, on his back now, still has the arm, and Lee taps.

Raphael Assuncao wins via Rd. 2 submission.

 

Antonio Brago Neto vs. Anthony Smith

Rd. 1: Brago Neto fires a big right and takes a knee to the body from Smith in retaliation. Brago Neto throws a nice left hook that Smith better look out for. Brago Neto is the aggressor, landing a takedown, securing back control with a hook in. Smith escapes, but Brago Neto is back in half guard and as Smith rolls, Brago Neto locks in the kneebar. Tap. This is unreal.

Antonio Brago Neto wins via Rd. 1 submission.

 

Thiago Silva vs. Raphael “Feijao” Cavalcante

Rd. 1: Feijao kicks low and fires a hard right early. Feijao is looking to land that right hand, but Silva is ready for it. Nice left hook-straight right combo from Feijao. Silva lands a right of his own. They’re really swinging now.  Silva is working the left jab a bit and lands a big right hand that backs up Feijao. Feijao is really firing that right hand, boy. Feijao hits a spinning back elbow that excites the crowd. Silva recovers and fires that jab. Feijao is slowing and the hands are dropping a bit. Silva is the fresher of the two and is landing jabs and leg kicks. Feijao is against the cage; here comes Silva. Left hook, right cross, left hook, right uppercut. Feijao is down. Two more rights from Silva, and that’s it.The ref calls it. Feijao is out.

Thiago Silva wins via Rd. 1 TKO.

 

Caio Magalhaes vs. Karlos Vemola

Rd. 1: These are some big middleweights here. Magalhaes shoots, Vemola sprawls, and they’re on the cage. Vemola drops for the double. Magalhaes locks on a guillotine, but Vemola slams him and escapes. Vemola is in Magalhaes’s guard and is very aggressive with his strikes. Magalhaes wants a triangle, but Vemola’s head is out of reach. Vemola is really pressing. Magalhaes goes for the omaplata, but Vemola is still attacking from the guard with both hands. Vemola is in half guard now, and Magalhaes is slowing down as Vemola pours it on. Magalhaes escapes to his feet and wants another guillotine. Nope. Vemola wants the double again and works for it as Magalhaes is against the fence. Magalhaes works for the head & arm choke. Again Vemola slams his way to freedom. Good round.

Rd. 2: Magalhaes fires a big right immediately and has Vemola on the fence. They trade positions, and Magalhaes gets the trip off the body lock. Magalhaes is in half guard now and wants to trap Vemola’s left arm. Magalhaes has the back and punches away with the left hand. Magalhaes is in side control, but Vemola gets to a knee against the cage. Magalhaes is back on top and soon gets his back. Deep rear naked choke, and Vemola taps.

Caio Magalhaes wins via Rd. 2 submission.

 

William Patolino vs. Leonardo Santos

Rd. 1: Santos is looking to set up a takedown with a lead left hook, it seems, but Patolino is poised and his hands are up. Patolino presses Santos against the cage.Patolino goes for an outside leg trip. In the center of the cage, Patolino grabs Santos and drags him down. Patolino is in Santos’s guard. Not much doing. he stands up and doves back in. Patolino is in half guard now and fires some good shots. Patolino is smothering Santos, who gets to his feet. Patolino again has Santos on the fence. They separate; low kick from Santos. Knee from Patolino. Santos goes for a trip, and Patolino is going for his back when the round ends.

Rd. 2: Santos misses a big head kick. Santos shoots, but Patolino sprawls. Patolino’s hands are really low. Nice knee from Santos as Patolino tries to clinch. Patolino takesdown Santos and in his guard now. They’re back up. Neither fighter is throwing more than two punches at a time, and both seem to have slowed their pace. The ref warns Patolino not to hold the fence, which he did as Santos went for the takedown. Nice 1-2 from Santos. They clinch, and Patolino has Santos on the cage. Santos gets the takedown, mounts Patolino, and starts throwing. Head and arm choke. Looks tight. Tappy tap.

Leo Santos wins via Rd. 2 submission.

Santos jumps into the crowd and hugs teammate Jose Aldo. Santos is the TUF Brazil 2 season winner. Mazel tov.

 

Minotauro Nogueira vs. Fabricio Werdum

Rd. 1: Here we go. Werdum fires two hard low kicks and circles out. They clinch, Nog grabs a single, and Werdum is in half guard. Werdum lands some shots from top position. Nog nearly reverses. Werdum knees as Nog stands up. Werdum jabs well. Nog wades in with his head straight up and presses Werdum to the fence. Werdum kicks at the lead leg of Nogin the center of the octagon. Nog does body work on the inside during a brief exchange and pressures Werdum against the cage again. Werdum wants the single leg, but Nog defends. Inside elbow from Nog, who’s smothering Werdum on the fence with seconds left in the round.

Rd. 2: Heavy opening leg kick from Werdum. And again. Big right from Werdum. Nog is looking to get into rhythm with punch combinations. Werdum goes for a double, and Nog nearly gets the guillotine. Werdum is in side control now. Back to half guard after a short scramble. Back control for Werdum. Werdum goes for the armbar on the left arm. He’s got it. And Nog taps.

Fabricio Werdum wins via Rd. 2 submission.

That’ll do it. Some great finishes tonight. Later, CP.

UFC 160: Velasquez vs. Bigfoot 2 — Main Card Results & Commentary


(Yep. A whole lot of regrettable tats in this room. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Sit back, warm up your jaws, and get ready for CagePotato’s main card liveblog of UFC 160. The pay-per-view broadcast will be popping off at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, and your friend George Shunick will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump.

On tonight’s menu: Cain Velasquez will attempt to defend his heavyweight title against his old buddy Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, while ex-champ Junior Dos Santos and Mark Hunt throw down for the next crack at the belt. Plus, light-heavyweights Glover Teixeira and James Te Huna put their three-fight win streaks on the line, lightweights Gray Maynard and TJ Grant meet in a potential #1 lightweight contender’s match, and Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone opens things off by roping an outmatched calf named KJ Noons.

Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let your voices be heard in the comments section. Thanks for being here, guys.


(Yep. A whole lot of regrettable tats in this room. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Sit back, warm up your jaws, and get ready for CagePotato’s main card liveblog of UFC 160. The pay-per-view broadcast will be popping off at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT, and your friend George Shunick will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump.

On tonight’s menu: Cain Velasquez will attempt to defend his heavyweight title against his old buddy Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, while ex-champ Junior Dos Santos and Mark Hunt throw down for the next crack at the belt. Plus, light-heavyweights Glover Teixeira and James Te Huna put their three-fight win streaks on the line, lightweights Gray Maynard and TJ Grant meet in a potential #1 lightweight contender’s match, and Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone opens things off by roping an outmatched calf named KJ Noons.

Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let your voices be heard in the comments section. Thanks for being here, guys.

Welcome, vagabonds. I hope you’re all enjoying your Memorial Day weekend festivities, but not so much that you don’t have the chance to indulge in some legal blood-letting tonight. You have the top two heavyweights trying to set up their third meeting in the near future, a fan-favorite, heavy-handed underdog who will do everything in his power to stop that, an ascendant light heavyweight in Glover Teixeira who could conceivably receive a title shot following an impressive victory, and a pair of exceptional lightweight tilts, including a certain title eliminator. Satisfied?  Now sit down, fill your morbidly obese face with the last scraps of Taco Bell and the cold pisswater you call beer and prepare to bear witness to another glorious night of carnage.

Alright, the main card’s about to start. Predictions anyone? I’ve got Cerrone, Maynard, Teixeira, Dos Santos, and Velasquez. Not exciting, I know. I wouldn’t be surprised if Grant and Hunt pulled off upsets, though, and I can totally see Cerrone getting drawn into a boxing match he can’t win. Still, favorites are favorites for a reason. What about yourselves, Potato Nation? Call them upsets now, before they happen.

Alright, time for the fights…

KJ Noons vs. Donald Cerrone

Cerrone should take this; his ground game is vastly superior to Noons’, and if he uses his kicks to dictate the range the fight is fought at, he should win handily. However, Cerrone has a penchant for losing his cool and engaging in boxing matchups against guys with much better hands than him. Noons is one of those guys. Let’s see which Cerrone shows up. Either way, this won’t be dull.

Round 1

Noons starts out with low kicks. Cerrone attempts a takedown and throws a knee. Lands a nice right. Nice jab from Cerrone. Low kick from Noons. Cerrone misses a headkick. He lands a counter jab. Noons is cut next to his right eye. Cerrone goes for another headkick but its blocked. Noons still landing low kicks. Nice kick to the liver from Cerrone. Now a kick to Noons’ left side. Nice knee from Cerrone as Noons attempts to rush him. Noons blocks a high kick. Cerrone lands a takedown, but Noons scrambles up quickly. They exchange kicks. Noons lands another low kick. Cerrone answers with a much harder one. Cerrone accidentally lands a low blow, acknowledges it, but Noons is fine. Strong knee to the body from Cerrone. KJ lands a jab. 1-1-2 from Noons. BIG combo from Cerrone. Landed 4 punches before a big head kick that partially connected. Another headkick partially lands, but Noons circled away from it. The round ends, 10-9 Cerrone.

Round 2

Cerrone lands a takedown to open the round, and in the scramble lands a knee as Noons stands. Noons lands a jab. he’s looking for a rear uppercut, but he’s telegraphing it. Nice counter hook from Cerrone. As Noons rushes in, Cerrone circles out and lands a cross. Noons answers with his own. Cerrone grabs a Muay Thai clinch and lands a knee to the face. Noons lands a combination, but Cerrone is unfazed. Cerrone lands a hard leg kick, but both men have slowed, especially Noons.Hard kick to the liver from Cerrone. Noons answers with a hard left hook. Nice knee to the body from Cerrone. Noons answers with a left hook. He lands a jab as Cerrone circles away. He hits a spinning backfist, rushes in, and gets taken down for his effort. Cerrone works in Noons’ guard, landing short hammerfists. Noons tries to puch him off with his legs, but Cerrone uses this to pass to half-guard. He works Noons’ head and body. Noons isn’t taking much damage, but he doesn’t have an answer for Cerrone. Cerrone moves to side control as the round ends. 10-9 Cerrone.

Round 3

The doctors had a look at Noons’ right eye before the round, but the fight continues. Low switch kick from Cerrone. Cerrone landing his jab, then follows with a hook. Front kick Cerrone. Noons goads him on, but looks exhausted. Both men miss combinations. Noons lands a cross and hook as he moves forward. However, this costs him again, as Cerrone changes levels and takes him down. Cerrone landing shots from Noons’ guard, working elbows and punches. Noons is cut. Noons tries to escape, but in the scramble they end up right back where they began. Cerrone landing hard elbows. Noons is really beginning to bleed. He tries to return fire from the bottom, but it’s a futile gesture. Elbows to the body and the head from Cerrone. Noons has nothing to threaten him with. Cerrone passes to half-guard, and then to side control. Cerrone lands solid punches. Blood is in Noons’ eyes, and Cerrone works short punches from the top as the round expires. Round 10-9, fight 30-27 for Donald Cerrone.

The judges agree with me, except for one who saw it 30-26 for Cerrone. It was a one-sided, bloody beatdown, continuing the bloodshed from the prelims. As many have already observed, this might be the bloodiest UFC card ever. And the heavyweights haven’t even hit the octagon yet.

TJ Grant vs. Gray Maynard

TJ Grant is my boy, mostly because of his beard and standing elbows, but much as I want him to win, I don’t think he has an answer for Gray Maynard’s wrestling. It’s a shame, really. Title fights could do with more standing elbows.

Round 1

A tentative start for both fighters. That doesn’t last long. Maynard lands a left hook. Big uppercut from Maynard. Then a right hand and left hook. Maynard’s shots are explosive. Grant counters with a right. Maynard is just bulling forward. TJ lands a cross counter. Big right from Grant that hurts Maynard, but Gray fights his way out. GRANT DROPS MAYNARD WITH A RIGHT!!! Maynard stands and he’s dropped by Grant’s flurry! He manages to stand again, but the same result befalls him! The referee steps in, and TJ Grant just earned himself a title shot.

Mike Goldberg is interviewing some dude who won a lot of money in poker and asks him how poker compares to the UFC. It’s a stupid, stupid question, and the entire thing is a plug for a company the Fertittas invest in, but since I wholeheartedly approve of legal (and illegal) degenerate gambling, I suppose I can’t bring myself to mock the segment too much.

Glover Teixeira vs. James Te Huna

Yeah, Glover’s winning this.

Round 1

They touch gloves and exchange in the center of the octagon. Teixeira works for a takedown, doesn’t get it, but lands a hard right as they separate. Fists are flying, but most aren’t landing. Teixeira lands a takedown, and immediately passes to half-guard. The audience chants loudly, and it’s apparent there are plenty of Brazilians in attendance. Te Huna regains guard as he eats shots from the top. Glover proceeds to pass to half-guard again. Te Huna stands, however, but Glover goes for an arm-in guillotine and it’s over! Te Huna taps quickly, and that’s that. 19 in a row for Teixeira.

Mike Tyson congratulates Teixeira in the octagon afterwards, as does Chuck Liddell. That went about as expected. Bring on the heavies.

Before we get treated to a re-run of Brian Bowles getting his ass kicked by George Roop, we get a quick celebrity cut to Lil Jon in the audience. Lil Jon is apparently a celebrity by UFC standards. In other news, the bar for “celebrity” has been set so low by the UFC, James Cameron had to go to the bottom of the Mariana Trench to get it.

Mark Hunt vs. Junior Dos Santos

There isn’t really anything left to say about Mark Hunt that hasn’t already been said. He was born down. That’s all you need to know. On any other night, Junior Dos Santos would probably be the most likeable fighter on the card. Not tonight. But for all that, Hunt’s ground game is still a glaring Achilles heel. If he manages to best Dos Santos in the standup – far from a given – he had better make short work of it lest the fight hit the ground. Godspeed, you crazy bastard, you. Meanwhile, “Cigano” looks determined. I wouldn’t envy anyone in his way.

Round 1

AWESOME staredown. They touch gloves. Low kick from Hunt. Overhand from Dos Santos. Hunt rolls with it. Counter left hook from Hunt lands. He’s looking for that hook. He lands it again. And again. Hunt rushes in and lands some more. BIG RIGHT FROM JUNIOR DROPS HUNT. Hunts recovers and stands, but he’s wobbly. Hunt with two big swings and misses. Hunt misses a cross counter. Dos Santos goes for the overhand, but it misses. He evades Hunt’s shots and lands a right. Then a jab to the body. Junior is cut, however, above the right eye. Both men land rights. Spinning backfist from Hunt and left from Dos Santos. Kick from Dos Santos. Hunt misses a big overhand, but Junior doesn’t miss his! The round ends, 10-9 Dos Santos.

Round 2

Big right hand from Hunt, followed by and overhand from Junior. Dos Santos misses a wicked left hook. Hunt lands a kick and hook of his own. Kick from Hunt answered with a right from Dos Santos. Hunt lands a counter left hook. And another. Cigano misses the overhand. But lands a nice jab. Right to the body from Hunt. They exchange jabs. Another big overhand right followed by a jab from Dos Santos. More jabs. Hunt parries two and chases after him to no avail. Spinning back kick to the body from Dos Santos. Hunt lands two short rights. jab from Dos Santos. Hunt misses an overhand, but lands a big combination against the fence. Dos Santos decides to go for the takedown, however, and lands it to the chagrin of the crowd. He’s in half-guard and looks briefly for a kimura, but instead works on short punches. Dos Santos passes to side control, and works elbows from a crucifix. Hunt escapes and stands at the bell. 10-9 Dos Santos.

Round 3

Counter left from Dos Santos as Hunt looks for the killshot. Counter left from Hunt now. jab from Hunt. Hunt lands a right, but he’s not really hurting Dos Santos, who lands a jab. Dos Santos lands a counter hook. Hunt is tired. Jab from Hunior, but he misses the big overhand. Hunt misses a left hook. Dos Santos lands some close punches, and they exchange jabs. Dos Santos pumping his jab and lands a counter cross. Dos Santos is busting out the combos. Hunt lands a kick to the midsection. Hunt misses an overhand. Dos Santos lands an uppercut. A left from Dos Santos staggers Hunt. Hunt swings bombs to get Junior off his back. Hunt staggers forward INTO A SPINNING BACK KICK FROM DOS SANTOS THAT DROPS HIM!! WOW. WOW. Dos Santos leaps out of the octagon to shake Mike Tyson’s hand. Amazing finish.

Didn’t see that one coming. Kudos to Dos Santos for going all out despite leading through almost three full rounds. Looks like he’ll get that title shot he wanted. It’s impossible not to be happy for the man as he gleefully shouts “I WONNNN!”

WTF WHY AM I WATCHING AN ONLINE POKER AD?? AND A HARLEY DAVIDSON AD??? THIS IS PAY PER VIEW, I DEMAND A LACK OF INANE COMMERCIALS! IN ALL CAPS!! Seriously, low brow stuff from the UFC here. Just bring on the title fight, already.

Cain Velasquez vs. Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva

Let’s be real. Unless Silva catches Cain fooling around the feet, or somehow gets on top of him, he’s not winning this fight. Cain has the edge in cardio, speed and technique. So long as he can keep his distance and land takedowns, the fight is his to lose. If he wins, as expected, it will set up a rubber match with Dos Santos. Can’t think of any reason not to root for that. Unless you’re Bigfoot Silva.

Round 1

Can we get a .gif of Silva shoulder-shimmying as Buffer announces his name, please? That would make my night. Cain  pushes forward and looks for a single. Bigfoot escapes. Cain lands a right. Silva looks for an uppercut. Cain attempts another takedown, but eats a kick when they separate. Low kick from Cain. Right hand drops Bigfoot!!! Bigfoot turtles, and Cain continues to unload until Mario Yamasaki pulls him away. Well, that was quick. It may have been slightly premature, but definitely justifiable. Things weren’t going to get any better for Silva.

That’s that, Potato Nation. Enjoy your weekends responsibly. (Kidding, recklessness suits you better.)

UFC 160: Velasquez vs. Bigfoot 2 — FX Prelims Liveblog


(Mike Tyson‘s first night as Dana White’s bodyguard was also his last. / Photo via the UFC 160 weigh-in photos gallery on MMAFighting.com)

The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.


(Mike Tyson‘s first night as Dana White’s bodyguard was also his last. / Photo via the UFC 160 weigh-in photos gallery on MMAFighting.com)

The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.

What up, Potato Nation? In honor of Memorial Day – as we pass the time chugging beers and stuffing our diabetic faces with Ball Park franks – let us pay homage to those who made the supreme sacrifice so we could be free to live our disgustingly gluttonous lives. That being said, before we dive into tonight’s action, a little reflection is in order.

The bloodiest war in American history – some of you know it as the Civil War; others, the War of Northern Aggression – brought this noble holiday upon us. Whatever you wish to call it, the fact remains that it was a real fucked up war. Memorial Day was born of that fucked up war as a day to remember the greater than 600,000 Americans who died in it. It’s since become a day to honor those who died in all wars – well, technically. In reality it’s a day off work where we eat, drink, and buy shit on sale. So it’s really no surprise that the true meaning of the holiday has been lost on so many.

But still, you’d think the name alone, Memorial, would at least lead a person to venture an educated guess. Not so much. This video right here some shameful shit. Luckily though, part of being a free person includes the liberty to be as ignant as you damn well please.

God bless America! Now let’s get it poppin’ up in this bitch.

If you missed the weigh-ins last night do check it out. Just peep Mike Tyson in the picture above and tell me what you see, well besides the psychotic facial tat. My man is sporting all white, like all white, down to his kicks. Normally I spend the weigh-ins in deep philosophical contemplation about who has the most little bumps on their areolas: Arianny, Britney, or Joe Silva. This time I couldn’t divert my attention from Tyson’s absurd wardrobe. Trust me, it’s a surreal must-see.

Well, at least we got us some MMA to make sense of this shit. And in case I forget later, WAR MARK HUNT!

Here’s what went down on Facebook:

Jeremy Stephens defeated Estevan Payan by unanimous decision, 30-26, 30-26, 30-27.

George Roop blasted Brian Bowles for a 2nd round TKO.

Stephen Thompson beat Nah-Shon Burrell by unanimous decision, 29-28, 30-27, 29-28.

Khabib Nurmagomedov vs Abel Trujillo starts us off on FX.

Two very promising prospects here. Khabib is 3-0 in the UFC, while Trujillo impressed in his debut back in December by demolishing Marcus LeVessuer with knees to the body that were downright criminal.

Khabib missed weight by 3 ½ pounds. Sucks for him. He chose to forfeit 20% of his purse rather than take additional years off his life by futilely trying to make the limit. Wise decision. The NSAC will get half of the fine, while his opponent will get the other half. Based on his last disclosed purse – a 10/10 contract – that would amount to $2000 in Trujillo’s pockets if he loses, $1000 is he wins. Considering Trujillo’s last purse was the dreaded 6/6, every little bit helps.

Round 1: Trujillo opens with a huge hook, misses. Misses another. Charges forward and lands a shot on Khabib. Trujillo lands a takedown, Khabib working from guard, going for an armbar. Trujillo degending so far, but he’s in a sucky position. Ok, he’s free. Khabib is up, then trips Trujillo to the ground. He stands up, but Khabib is stuck to his back. Takes him down again. Lands a knee to the ribs. Khabib tosses him to the ground again, Trujillo stands right back up. And again. And again. And Jesus H Christ, again. Trujillo reverses, now he’s on top. Khabib in guard, working a triangle. Uh-oh! Now he’s on top with the hold locked on. He’s looking to switch to an armbar, goes back to the triangle, but the round ends, Trujillo survives. 10-9 Khabib

Round 2: Trujillo whiffs a huge shot, Khabib takes his back standing again. Takes him down, but Trujillo spins out. They’re up. Khabib lands a nice shot, now on his back again, trips him to the ground, has his back, working some knees to the Charlie horse area. Now to the midsection. He gets a hook in now, has a body triangle, going for the choke. Khabib lets go of the body triangle, but Khabib is still on him. He hoists him up again and drops him. Look at this, Trujillo spins out again, but they scramble and get back to the feet. Khabib takes his ass down again, riding his back. Trujillo gets up, and guess what? Yep, Khabib drags him down yet again. A couple shots from behind from Khabib. The round ends with a clear 10-9 for Khabib.

Round 3: Here we go, final round. Trujillo begins by missing a huge shot again, seems to be the opener of choice for him. Khabib is handling him in the grappling department again, riding his back as they trade takedowns for stand ups. Khabib with some nice knees to the ribs. Trujillo is looking to Mario Yamasaki for help. What he wants here is a mystery seeing. Khabib on top now, lands a short elbow. Khabib isn’t really doing much damage, but he is dominating Trujillo here. More and more takedowns. Trujillo doesn’t even seem to know he’s in a fight. Oh, big slam by Khabib to end the fight. 10-8 Khabib.

Trujillo represented the Blackzilians in that one.

The decision is in, and it’s exactly what you’d expect, unanimous, 30-27 across the board.

Not exactly a red hot way to begin the evening, luckily Colton Smith is up next to heat this shit up.

Colton Smith and Robert Whittaker are up. Two TUF winners here, but really, does anyone actually give a shit about that anymore? I propose we strike that term from the record.

Anyway, nothing better to weaken your buzz and produce an incredible soft-on than a Colton Smith fight. He’s a stick-to-your-ribs wrestler, and, well that’s about it. The problem for anyone who cannot counter that ability is that Colton doesn’t give a scintilla of a shit how aesthetically brutal his fights are. He’s here to win. Hey, can’t fault a fellow for that. No logic in stand and bang when that clearly aint your thang.

It’s all about recognizing strengths and weaknesses and formulating a plan of attack that maximizes the probability of success. Omar would never have been able to take on the Barksdales, Prop Joe, Marlo Stanfield, or anyone else for that matter if he didn’t utilize that formula. His greatest strength was not his cantaloupe sized nuts. It was his patience in reconnaissance. Omar would sit on a stash house, corner or foe for days on end, weeks if need be until he knew every nook and cranny of his target. That was the key to his success. Colton’s strength is to take a fool down and ride out the 15 minutes. I’d bet one of Omar’s substantial testicles that’s exactly what Colton’s going to do here.

Round 1: Here we go. Whittaker has his hands very low. Colton shoots, nice, Whittaker defends. High kick by Colton misses. Colton jumps in, gets tagged. Whittaker with a jab, Colton blocks it with his forehead. Colton lands a nice right hand. Whittaker responds with a right of his own. Nice combo by Whittaker. Leg kick by Colton. Whittaker misses a left hook. Colton misses another high kick. Whittaker sticks a nice jab. Colton throws three rights in a row, misses every one of them. Whittaker stuffs another takedown. Nice TD defense, thank God. Whittaker jumps in, lands a decent shot. Colton responds with a hard shot of his own. And Colton drops him with a big right, working a Kimura. Takes him down with it, but Whittaker is up. Close round. 10-9 Whittaker

Round 2: Colton eats a huge left hook to start things off, he’s hurt. Whittaker lets him off the hook. Colton’s right eye is swollen. Colton lands a decent shot, then a straight right. Counter left by Whittaker. Colton charges in, Whittaker backs him up with a shot to the grill. Big right by Colton skims Whittaker. They exchange, Whittaker takes one in the nads. They continue. Colton with a right, then a kick to the body. Colton eats a couple as he wades in. Front kick misses by Colton. Big left by Whittaker, Colton’s face is a disaster. Whittaker lands another. Oof, Colton eats several upper cuts. Whittaker turning it up as the round closes. 10-9 Whittaker

Round 3: Colton looks like a thin Sloth, he’s banged up. Whittaker opens with a left, then drops Colton and descends on him. The ref steps in and ends it, kind of a questionable stoppage there. He was hurt, no doubt, but not finished by any means.

The official decision is in, and it’s a TKO in round three for Robert Whittaker. Nice win, and great job not letting it turn into a wrestle-hump fest.

Dennis Bermudez vs Max Holloway is up next.

Even though he sports the most pathetically predictable nickname in the biz, Dennis “The Menace” Bermudez has become quite adept at picking up Fight Night bonus checks. Four UFC fights, three checks so far. And if these guys come out and perform as they’re both capable of, this could be another one.

Holloway, at only 21 years of age, is the youngest fighter currently on the UFC roster. He’s a talented striker who’s very rangy for featherweight. If he can stay off his back he’s got a good shot here.

Round 1: Holloway misses a jab, Bermudez misses a straight right. Front kick to the body by Holloway, Bermudez grabs a leg, Holloway defends, lands a nice straight right. Then sticks a jab. Bermudez trying to figure out how to get inside Holloway’s range, eats another jab. Holloway is really working that jab, using his reach very effectively. Bermudez with a leg kick. Combo by Holloway, blocked. Bermudez shoots, Holloway defends. Bermudez has Holloway pressed against the cage, Holloway escapes. Big leg kick by Bermudez. Spinning back kick by Holloway, Bermudez rocked. Knee to the body, Holloway is working him here. Bermudez holding on against the cage for dear life, hoping to recover. Bermudez misses an uppercut, Holloway lands a hige right, then follows with a spinning body kick that looks like it sucked.  Damn, lands another one, then to the head, drops Bermudez. Wow, 10-9 Holloway

Round 2: Bermudez shoots, get sit, but Holloway reverses, takes his back, then backs off with a kick to the face. Damn! Bermudez skims an overhand right, then lands a leg kick. Holloway responds with one of his own, then eats a left hook. Holloway with a jab. High kick by Holloway, blocked. They trade jabs. Hollowat goes hard to the body then lands to the head. Bermudez misses a huge left hook. Holloway lands to the grill. Bermudez lands a hard leg kick. Holloway sticks a combination. Bermudez misses a takedown, but lands an elbow as he presses Holloway into the cage. Holloway responds with an elbow of his own. Holloway with a job, eats another hard leg kick. And another. Holloway throws another spinning kick, barely lands. Bermudez thinks Superman punch, eats another combo. Holloway misses a Matrix kixk. Bermudze gets a takedown, and working in guard. Lands an elbow. Close round. I’d give the edge to Holloway, 10-9

Round 3: They bro hug it out to start things off. Holloway lands to the body, eats a kick to the chops. Bermudze grabs a leg, takes Holloway down. Holloway up, but eats a knee off the break. Holloway goes to the body again. They trade jabs. Jab by Holloway, leg kick by Bermudez. Big right just misses by Bermudez. Jab by Holloway. Bermudez shoots again, gets it, but Holloway pops back up. Kick by Bermudez, blocked. Left lands by Bermudez. Holloway shoots, stuffed. Duel leg kicks by Bermudez, and he lands a takedown. Working from the closed guard, dropping elbows. Nice. Now Holloway has half guard now, but he’s still eating elbows. Bermudze tries to mount, has to settle for half guard again. The round ends with Holloway on top, dropping punches. 10-9 Bermudez

The decision is in, and it’s a split decision for Dennis Bermudez, 29-28 across the board.

Next up we have Mike Pyle vs Rick Story.

Almost two years ago to the day, Rick Story culminated a six fight winning streak by beating Thiago Silva. He was viewed by many as a viable title contender. The sky was the limit for the aggressive youngster from Washington. But then the poor bastard started losing fights: first to Charlie Brenneman, then to Martin Kampmann before a newly minted submission – The Face-Crank of Utter Woe – was invented by Demian Maia and tested on Story. He did, in the spirit of optimism, manage to sandwich a win in there to a guy who no one cares about. Now, coming off a first round starching of Quinn Mulhern, Story is hoping to get back on track to his previous status.

Standing in his way is Mike “King Mullet” Pyle, who at 37 years old is on a sweet hot streak of three first round knockouts, and an overall UFC record that stands at a very respectable 7-3. After ruining James Head with knees in his last outing, Pyle thought he deserved Top 10 billing and all the accoutrement that goes with that, including a Top 10 opponent. While that didn’t happen for him, Story does represent a step up in competition from his previous victims. And while a win wouldn’t exactly put him in the Top 10, it would be one step closer to proving to the world that the Samsonite theory of sporting a ridiculous hairdo is not to be taken lightly in the realm of battle. See Roy Nelson and Ben Henderson.

Round 1: Story takes the center of the cage right off the bat. Pyle lands a knee, Story tosses him to the ground. Story working from Pyle’s guard. Throwing to the body, Pyle working a high guard, looking for submissions. Pyle doing a great job of controlling Story’s posture. He grabs an arm, but Story escapes. Pyle is on his back, but he’s doing a great job of keeping Story busy defending to where he cannot do much damage. Pyle is up. Huge left by Story, then goes hard to the body. Pyle misses a jab. Story whiffs a left. Leg kick by Pyle. Story drops Pyle with a shot, dropping bombs on Pyle. Story is whaling away on Pyle from behind. Pyle survives, but took a beating. 10-9 Story

Round 2: Front kick by Pyle, misses. Huge left by Story, skims Pyle. Story lands a straight left. Pyle clinches and delivers a knee. Story going for a takedown, sticks it. Pyle going for a Kimura. Damn, looks pretty nasty. Story’s arm is free, and he’s in half guard, now full guard. Story can’t get much going from top position, Pyle is defending very well. Pyle looking to push off the cage, Story postures up, but still cannot land anything significant. The natives are getting restless. Story is just kind of laying on Pyle, can’t really do anything. The round ends without much going on. 10-9 Story

Round 3: Softest leg kick ever from Pyle, Story responds with a huge shot to the head. Story goes to the body, Pyle misses a knee. Story looked winded. Pyle lands a front kick. Story answers to the body. Pyle clinches, lands a knee. Then an elbow. Pyle clinches again, Story presses him against the cage. Pyle with another elbow over the top. More elbows from Pyle, and Story is bleeding. Story has Pyle’s back, working some knees to the thigh. The pace has slowed considerably. Story is exhausted, his punches are slow and labored. Pyle is teeing off now, but Story sticks a takedown. Pyle going for an armbar, and sweeps! Beautiful. Pyle has the body triangle, and thr round ends before he could get the submission. 10-9 Pyle

The decision is in, and it’s split. Mike Pyle gets the nod, 29-28.

I like the decision, it means the judges took into consideration that Story, even though on top, did nothing in round two. Nice.

Well that’s it for me, folks. Enjoy the main card. WAR MARK HUNT!