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‘UFC on FUEL: Sanchez vs. Ellenberger’ — Live Results and Commentary

(Remember, the winner of this fight becomes the #2 contender for the UFC Intercontinental Temporary Welterweight Championship of the Midwest. So you’d better believe that Thiago Alves will be watching this one with great interest. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight, the UFC will air their first-ever live fight card on FUEL TV — or so they say. Like most Americans, I don’t have the channel in my cable package, so I’m pretty much taking them for their word here. Luckily, our new liveblogger/boxing-analyst friend Steve Silverman does get the channel, and he’ll be handling play-by-play for the main card starting at 8 p.m. ET.

On the menu this evening: Balls-to-the-wall welterweight veteran Diego Sanchez will face Jake Ellenberger, who’s riding high off his 53-second knockout of Jake Shields. Plus, Stefan Struve puts his long limbs on a flamboyant high-school acting teacher, Stipe Miocic and Philip De Fries meet in a battle of undefeated heavyweight prospects, and TUF 14 bantamweight finalist TJ Dillashaw returns to action against Walel Watson. Total cost to the consumer: $0.00.

“UFC on FUEL 1: Sanchez vs. Ellenberger” results await you after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Thanks for being here, guys.

We should have a great night here with Jake Ellenberger and Diego Sanchez headlining the night. We’ll have plenty of action prior to that fight… Ivan Menjivar vs. John Albert gets us started…

Menjivar is more experienced and he appears to have an edge. Menjivar is a solid striker and an excellent grappler…

You have to like Jon Anik and Kenny Florian announcing the fight. Any time you don’t have to listen to that boob Mauro Ranallo it’s a good listen

Round 1

Menjivar with a big overhand right to start but Albert blocks i. Albert with some good counters and quick knees…

Albert with an arm bar and Menivar is throwing hammers to the head…Menjivar with a footlock, while Albert has a heel lock…

Big kick by Albert has Menjivar in trouble. Menjivar trying to cover and he survives… Menjivar pounding Albert. He has his back. Rear naked choke and Menjivar wins.

This was a great one-round fight. Menjivar was in trouble but he just started pounding away and got on top of Albert’s back. He got the choke in and Albert had to tap out. Experience and toughness won this one for Menjivar….

Fight No. 2…. T.J. Dillashaw (4-1) vs Walel Watson (9-3) coming up next…

Both Dillashaw and Watson are strong wrestlers, but Dillashaw should be more comfortable throwing punches. That should give him an advantage at the start …

Dillashaw’s greatest asset may be his mean streak…he’ll try to get off to a quick start. Watson with a big reach advantage… 7 inches…

Dillashaw with a jumping righ hand and then goes for the single leg takedown…throws Watson down…

Watson is on his back but he looks comfortable. Dillashaw trying throw bombs but Watson uses his long arms to block them. Dillashaw has Watson’s back…

He tried to get in a rear naked choke. Dillashaw has been pounding away and he has Watson’s back. Trying to choke him out but Watson escapes.

Dillashaw remains in control. He looks like he is stronter than Watson and more accomplished. Watson is defending but he can’t mount his own attack. Big punches from Dillashaw and Watson has now answer. The first round is all Dillashaw but Watson survives and will fight a second round.

Round 2…

Big right hnd by Dillashaw to start and that hurt Watson. Dillashaw once again on top. Good wrestling and jiu jitsu allows him to mount a confident attack…

Dillashaw is not letting Watson get in anything. It seems all Watson can do is defend. He has not been able to get in a submission hold.

Dillashaw is getting in hammer fists and is hurting Watson. He is not really defending, just covering up…He has a deep choke on Watson, but Watson gets out. He is pounding Watson’s head once he stops choking him…

Watson is getting pounded in this fight and has had virtually no offense.Big right hand at the end of the round. This is a schoolyard whipping for Dillashaw but the fight moves on to round three.

Round 3…

Watson has some energy and comes out with a big kick, but it misses… Big right hand form Dillashaw and both sitll standing… Watson is much bigger, but much slower. Dillashaw with control on the ground again.

This time Watson escapes but still can’t attack. Finally Watson gets in a jumping knee, but it does not do much damage. Watson gets his legs around Dillashaw but he escapes.

Watson gets a heel hook and Dillashaw gets out… Watson doing much better in third round…

Dillashaw trying to get in choke, but Watson won’t let him secure it.

Final seconds of fight and Dillashaw is pounding away. This fight is over and Dillashaw has to be clear winner. Waiting for official decision.

And the winner is … Dillashaw by unanimous decision.

The next bout is Stipe Miocic (7-0) vs Philip De Fries (8-0 1 NC)

Miocic is a big-time striker while De Fries is more of a grappler. Miocic is a big-time hitter and may have an advantage. Good to see heavyweights go at it.

De Fries is going to have to defend against some heavy punches. If he can’t, he will have a hard time getting control and putting in a submission hold. …

Round 1…

Miocic looks stronger and in better shape as fight begins. De Fries lands a couple of rights to start….

Miocic gets in there and starts pounding with right hand and the fight is stopped. DeFries gets pounded…

Miocic has great power and the straight right hand hurts De Fries. He can’t defend himself and this fight is over in seconds.

The official time is 43 seconds and Miocic wins by a knockout.

Get ready for the next fight:

Aaron Simpson (11-2) vs Ronny Markes (12-1)

A couple of tough middleweights… Simpson has the edge in experience and should have an advantage if this one goes the distance…

Simpson is 14 years older, but you don’t get the feeling that he will wear down. He looks meaner and tougher…. off they go.

Markes attacks right off the jump.. They are clinching along the cage…and ref is pushing them for more action…

Simpson looks for opening but Markes responsds with combinations…Simpson hits him with an uppercut and starts pounding….

Simpson throwing elbows and Markes tries to get his wits about him…ref stands up Markes… and he’s a bit wobbly….both punching and Markes has survived. Wrestling along cag in final second of round 1. Give round 1 to Simpson….

Round 2….

Does Markes have the ability to take a solid punch? It’s questionable. But Markes has strong leg and is creating a problem for Simpson…

They are standing up int he middle, each man looking for and opening. Markes misses a left hook but lands an elbow…Simpson with a power left leg and tries for an overhand right, but Marks avoids the full force…

Markes has right underhook and delivers a right elbow. Markes with a takedown…Simpson gets back up after he was in a bad position… pretty even second round….

Round 3

Simposn looking to throw that big right hand. Wants to find an opening. Markes is strong but he’s not as quik when throwing punches. Markes trying to stomp Simpson …. and they break.

Markes is being much more aggressive and moving forward. Markes trying to work inside trip…another break and they go back to center. Simpson lands punch, Markes with kick.

Simpson slips and Markes gains control. Markes with double leg takedown…this one is close as we go to a decision.

The official results… Markes wins by split decision. It is not popular among Nebraska fans….

Solid comeback for Markes who was much better defensively after first round.

In the next fight we will see Stefan Struve (22-5) vs Dave Herman (21-2)

These two heavyweights should put on quite a show. The 6-11 Struve has a huge reach but a suspect chin; Herman has a strong chin and tremendous power. Struve is going to have to find a way to survive the first round.

Struve outweighs Herman by 22 pounds and has a 6-inch height advantage…

Herman rocking a beard…. Struve with a right roundhouse kick…Herman with combination… No advantage in first 1:30….

Herman finding the range. Struve is not aggressive. Not throwing that long left. Big right from Struve followed by left kick from Herman…Big right hand from Herman but he can’t throw a combination. Struve is cautious. Struve misses right hand and Herman with body shot. Right overhand punch by Herman. Feeling out first round, slight edge ot Herman.

Round 2…

Combination by Herman. Struve on ground and then an escape and back on his feet. Herman getting a bit closer. Struve with a big kick and that had to hurt. Left uppercut by Herman and Struve with a left hook. Struve is starting to get a bit more aggressive. Stuve appears to have hurt Herman.

Herman has a mouse under his eye. Uppercut sends Herman down. He is getting hammered by Struve. Struve wins by TKO….

The official time is 3:52 of the second round as Skyscraper Struve asserts himself and pounds Herman in the end. He appeared much more confident in second round…

Coming up… the main event… Diego Sanchez (23-4) vs Jake Ellenberger (26-5)

Ellenberger is a top wrestler with knockout punching power; Sanchez is relentless and wants to take it to the ground….

With fight in Ellenberger’s hometown of Omaha, he could have an edge if it goes to a decision…

Round 1

Ellenberger throwing punches and Sanchez looking for an opening. Feeling each other out at the start. Good right by Ellenberger.

Ellenberger moving forward, throwing wide punches but not landing solidly. Knee by Ellenberger on chin of Sanchez. Sanchez charges in and lands; counter knee by Ellenberger.

Both fighters with flurries. Crowd chanting “Jake, Jake…”. Ellenberger with the knockdown and Sanchez gets up. Big punch seems to hurt Sanchez but does not slow him down…First round goes to Ellenberger.

Round 2

Sanchez’s corner working on his nose and it may be broken. Ellenberger ready to go at start of round. Spinning back kick by Sanchez is ineffective.

Right roundhouse kick by Ellenberger blocked by Sanchez. Sanchez kick is ineffective. Ellenberger is quicker and lands a left hook. Another left hook as well.

Sanchez with solid right hook and then bull rushes Ellenberger. Hometown hero has not landed much in the final round but then he gets a takedown. He is trying to punch from the top and Sanchez could be in trouble.

Ellenberger thowing power punches and elbows and Sanchez is a bloody mess. He got hit in the nose and eye. Big finish of round for Ellenberger. Should be a great round 3.

Round 3

Sanchez cleaned up by corner to start round. Sanchez has not landed any seriosu power punches. Ellenberger knocks Sanchez off balance and he goes backwards.

Sanchez bleeding again and that nose looks broken. Right hand by Ellenberger followed by right hand from Sanchez tht appeared to hurt Ellenberger. However, Sanchez can’t follow up.

Ellenbrgr is cut and he is being hit with punches before Ellenberger scores takedown. Sanchez reverses and throws punchs and he is taking control. Tremendous rally by Sanchez.

Two-fisted attack by Sanchez and then escape by Ellenberger at the horn… What a finish…

It will go to a decision and Ellenberger had control for most of the fight, but Sanchez had control in the final few minutes. Is it enough?

We await the decision….

Ellenberger wins unanimous decision. All judges score it 29-28… Fans are roaring approval…

Ellenberger hung on and he wants a title fight next…We’ll see you on the next fight night….

Good night….

‘UFC 143: Diaz vs. Condit’ — Live Results and Commentary

(Don’t be a hero. Just throw your lunch money onto the stage with everybody else’s. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight, the UFC is putting an interim welterweight belt on the line, to be decided by two gamebred sons-of-bitches who go out to take scalps, not win points. If Nick Diaz vs. Carlos Condit isn’t a thrilling fight, I’ll eat my hat. Plus: Roy Nelson welcomes Fabricio Werdum back to the Octagon, Josh Koscheck slugs it out with his evil twin Mike Pierce, and Scott Jorgenson does his best to snap the 27-fight win streak of Renan Barao.

Handling play-by-play for tonight’s action is interim liveblog champion Aaron Mandel. Follow us after the jump for live results from the UFC 143 pay-per-view card, beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and please use the comments section to let us know how we can better serve you.

(Don’t be a hero. Just throw your lunch money onto the stage with everybody else’s. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com For more photos from this set, click here.)

Okay Potato Nation, it’s almost time for the pay-per view portion of UFC 143. If you haven’t been watching along already, here’s the results from the prelims:

Steven Thompson def. Dan Stittgen via knockout (kick) – Round 1, 4:13

Rafael Natal def. Michael Kuiper via unanimous decision

Matt Riddle def. via Henry Martinez via split decision

Matt Brown def. Chris Cope via knockout (punches) – Round 2, 1:19

Edwin Figueroa def. Alex Caceres via split decision

Dustin Poirier def. Max Holloway via submission (mounted triangle-armbar) – Round 1, 3:23

Is anyone else excited for the new non-gladiator intro?

Well that intro was…interesting. On the plus side, I bet Heath Herring is stoked about the free publicity!

And here we go!

Ed Herman vs. Clifford Starks

Huge opportunity here for Starks, getting a pay-per view shot in his second fight against the veteran Herman.

Round 1– Fighters exchange right away. Good hands being thrown. Starks pushes Herman against the cage, working for the takedown, Herman defending well. Starks seems content to lean into Herman and work some dirty boxing. Fighters break and move back to the center. Goldberg notes that Starks is “physically strong”, when will he say “athletic” or “dynamic”? More exchanges into the middle and then Starks puts Herman back into the cage. Starks is landing more than Herman. Both guys jockeying for position against the cage. Herman bleeding from what appears to be his left ear. Action has stalled. They separate and Starks is landing at will on Herman’s face. Herman seems uninterested in blocking or slipping punches. Herman gets a takedown and works from half guard. Starks reverses position and lands strikes from Herman’s full guard. Round ends with Starks on top.

Round 2– Starks was the clear winner of the first round. Second round starts with Starks landing more punches. Starks again puts Herman against the cage in the clinch. Herman takes Starks down and lands in side control, quickly transitions into mount and takes his back. Herman working for the rear naked choke, it is deep. Herman adjusts and sinks it in, Starks taps and it is allll over.

Ed Herman defeats Clifford Starks, submission (rear naked choke), round 2

Renan Barao vs. Scott Jorgensen

Kim Winslow refereeing this one, someone’s gonna die. Barao is riding an incredible 27-fight win streak and comes out looking pumped up.

Round 1– Barao opens with a kick to the head. Barao throwing kicks, including the spinning variety. Barao fights off a takedown from Jorgensen and goes back to work on the feet. Jorgensen looks tentative and Barao is throwing fluidly. Jorgensen shoots for a takedown but Barao defends again. Back to the center, both fighters throwing punches. Apparently Barao has good jiu jitsu also, that’s scary. Good straight punches from Barao mixed with solid leg kicks. They go into the clinch, Jorgensen with his back against the cage, Barao working some knees and kicks. Round ends, I give that one to Barao.

Round 2– Gotta love the lighter weights, both fighters come out fresh, moving around well. Jorgensen working hard for a takedown but Barao’s defense is excellent and it remains on the feet. Barao is working the leg kicks well. Jorgensen’s left leg is going to feel like my friend who is “drinking for science” next to me tonight. Both fighters in the center throwing punches, Barao is getting the better of the exchanges. Jorgensen takes a hard kick to the body and winces. Jorgensen shoots in for a takedown but ends up on his back. Barao in half guard delivering some punches to the body. Barao back in Jorgensen’s full guard now. Jorgensen works back to his feet. Spinning back kick to Jorgensen’s body. Jorgensen misses a jumping kick. Round ends, Barao in charge two rounds to none now.

Round 3- Touch of the gloves and the final round begins. Jorgensen comes out more aggressive, he must know he’s down on the cards. Barao fires back, but Jorgensen is tough as hell and stays in the pocket, swinging. Flying knee from Barao misses but Jorgensen’s mouth is wide open and I think he’s tarting to fade. Spinning head kick from Barao glances off Jorgensen’s hands. Jorgensen is having no luck with his takedown attempts which is bad news for a guy who relies on his grinding wrestling. Ninety seconds left and both guy throwing strikes. Leg kicks from Barao really adding up now. Joe Rogan has said almost nothing this ride, very eerie. Round ends with Barao firmly in charge.

Renan Barao defeats Scott Jorgensen by unanimous decision

You’d think after five years as an avid MMA fan I’d understand Portugese by now, but I have no fucking clue what Barao is talking about, good win for him though!

Josh Koscheck vs. Mike Pierce

Watching Koscheck walk to the cage I can’t help think of the Koschek/Bob Ross thread from a few years ago. Pierce talked his way into this match and has everything to gain and almost nothing to lose.

Round 1– Pierce takes the center of the cage and shoots for a takedown early, Koscheck defends well but has his back against the cage. Pierce doing a good job making it ugly, holding Koscheck against the cage, landing some foot stomps, kicks and dirty boxing. Koscheck eats a few shots as they separate. Pierce gets put against the cage but they quickly separate. Both men throwing hard strikes and landing. Pierce is hanging in there at a level I did not expect. Pierce shoots in but Koscheck defends and the round ends with the fight remaining on the feet. Very close round, I’d give it to Pierce but I’m glad I’m not a judge!

Round 2– Pierce lands first with a right and shoots for a takedown. Koscheck defends and they clinch against the cage. Pierce lands as they separate. Koscheck looks tentative and a little stunned at how well Pierce is landing on him. Pierce bleeding from the head quite severely, makes me remember the old “head wound Harry” skits from SNL. Koscheck with a knee that misses. Pierce puts Koscheck back against the cage. Time is called as Koscheck pokes Pierce in the eye, punching with an open hand, measuring distance with his fingers out. Koscheck shoots for the first time and completes it with ease. Pierce gives up his back as he tries to use the cage to stand up. Pierce works back to his feet from a bad position and the round ends. Pierce is on the verge of a big upset.

Round 3– Pierce lands again but Koscheck answering back. Koscheck seems to be winking and wincing like in the GSP fight, I wonder if his eye is hurt again or it’s just become a tic of his now. Pierce gets a takedown but it is brief, Koscheck powers back up with ease. Koscheck has Pierce clinched against the cage. Koscheck is turning it up now but Pierce regains the clinch and is landing with dirty boxing and short strikes. Fighters break and face off in the center. Koscheck shoots for a takedown but Pierce defending well against the cage. Herb Dean is treating Koscheck like a misbehaving child, separates them and immediately warns Koscheck yet again for the fingers to Pierce’s face. It is extremely hard to like Koscheck. Both fighters striking, Koscheck shoots for a late takedown and holds Pierce to the canvas. Pierce ends with a spinning elbow as he works back to the feet. Very close fight, I have it for Pierce but this could either way.

Josh Koscheck defeats Mike Pierce by split decision

Koscheck getting showered with boos from the crowd and responds with a middle finger and some stuttering excuses for what will undoubtedly be a controversial win that won’t advance him much in the welterweight division.

Rogan describes the upcoming Rousey-Tate matchup as “the hottest title fight” in history.

Roy Nelson vs. Fabricio Werdum

Nelson looks noticeably slimmer, sporting a massive graying beard and a braided mullet,control yourself, ladies.

Round 1– Werdum dwarfing Nelson in the staredown. Touch of gloves. Front kick from Werdum starts the action followed by a knee and a kick to the body. Nelson stalking, throws a right and slips to the ground. Werdum takes his back with astonishing speed and works to sink in a choke but Nelson fends it off and gets back to his feet. Werdum with the plum throwing knees at Nelson that are doing damage. Nelson breaks free and puts Werdum into the cage. Werdum regains the Thai clinch and unloads knees into Nelson who is starting to look and act like a drunken uncle outside the bar on a Tuesday night fighting a pack of angry skunks. Nelson is slowly bleeding his way down to light-heavyweight. Referee Josh Rosenthal stops to the action to have a doctor confirm what everyone can see on tv, that Nelson’s face is fucked up. Action restarts and Werdum goes back to work with kicks. Nelson drops Werdum and dives into guard ala Fedor and fights his way out of an armbar threat. Werdum gets back to his feet as the round ends and misses with a roundhouse.

Round 2– Werdum opens up with a leg kick and drops Nelson with a kick. Nelson back to his feet and throwing a kick of his own. I’m not sure if it’s possible to knock Nelson out, but Werdum is trying. Nelson is hanging in there throwing strikes but there’s not much on them. Roy Nelson is being described in my living room as an “un-dead viking” and a “zombie skeleton with a coonskin cap”. Action is slowing noticeably in the second round but Werdum is still winning the exchanges, when they happen. Body kick from Werdum but Nelson catches Werdum and flurries but Werdum survives, this is getting interesting. Nelson is sitting back waiting for a big shot as the round ends.

Round 3– Nelson has streaks of his own blood on his over-sized gut, I’m mesmerized. Werdum comes in and gets caught in a standing guillotine but survives and separates. Nelson puts Werdum into the cage as they tie up. Werdum landing knees and punches but Nelson must have a fast food bonus in his contract if he goes the distance because he is charging forward. Nelson tries a hilarious spinning back kick and Werdum catches and the round ends.

Fabricio Werdum defeats Roy Nelson by unanimous decision

Werdum managed to get into his interview with Rogan sans translator and ended up congratulating Nelson somehow.

Carlos Condit vs. Nick Diaz

It’s time for the main event, interim welterweight title on the line. A little touch of the foreheads on the staredown, no glove touch.

Round 1– Condit opens with a leg kick and then another. Condit working knees to the body, perhaps trying to drain the endless gas tank of Diaz. Diaz tees off with a few punches on Condit. Both fighters tentative. Condit just misses with a question mark kick. Condit really working the kicks. Spinning back first from Condit just misses and Diaz starts talking to Condit and looks to open up against the cage. Diaz works punches to the body against the cage, mixing them up with head strikes. Condit with a leg kick but Diaz is starting to pick up his patented flurries. Round ends with Diaz lowering his hands and throwing strikes. Very close round, I’d give it to Condit.

Round 2– Condit with more kicks to start the second round. Flying knee from Condit misses and Diaz catches it momentarily. Condit tries his fifth spinning back first of the night and finally lands but Diaz walks right through it. Diaz yelling in Condit’s face and open hand slaps him! Diaz is talking more in the octagon than he did on the entire primetime series. Diaz with a good combo on Condit. Condit seems tentative and Diaz is exploiting with combinations. Condit throwing big straight kicks but they are not landing. Condit lands a body shot. Diaz lands a flurry to the body. Back and forth striking action as the round ends. I’d give this round to Diaz.

Round 3- Third round and Condit again opens with a head kick that misses. Very even exchanges over and over, Diaz slightly getting the better of it. Diaz tagging Condit whenever he gets him against the cage. Very hard to live blog a fight like this! They are just striking over and over, nothing definitive landing, but Diaz’s strikes are adding up a little more. Condit missing a lot of kicks. Diaz not working at as fast a pace as we’re used to, perhaps he’s game planning for the five rounds. Condit is doing a good job circling off the cage when Diaz starts to come in with a flurry. Condit lands a knee and Diaz immediately starts talking shit. Diaz responds with a left hand but Condit is looking more active and more confident now. Round ends with Condit slipping on a kick. I think Condit took that round and is now up two rounds to one on my horribly unofficial card.

Round 4- Condit kicking away to start the championship rounds. Again lots of strikes being thrown, nothing significant yet. No ground fighting in the fight whatsoever, and no sign of it happening. Just as I type this Diaz shoots for a takedown but fails. Condit kicking and fighting smart. Condit gets Diaz on the feet with some hands and then kicks Diaz straight in the face, Diaz just stares him down. Diaz catches a kick but can’t complete the takedown. Condit is landing much more this round, Diaz seems slow and ineffective. Condit wins that round.

Round 5– I think this round needs to see Diaz end the fight to win. Condit looking much more confident. Diaz not moving very fast. I was just informed that Cecil Peoples is one of the judges tonight so none of what I’m writing or what you’re seeing matters at all. Diaz winging kicks at Condit without much success. Condit has thrown nearly ten spinning back fists at this point. Condit chops Diaz down with a leg kick and then goes up high. Diaz clinches him against the cage and attempts to take it to the ground but Condit separates with two minutes left. Diaz nails Condit with punches but Condit comes back with a knee. Diaz throwing combinations and starting to pick up the pace. Diaz drags Condit down and takes his back working furiously for a submission. Diaz trying desperately for a rear naked choke but Condit is defending well. The fight ends with Diaz trying for an armbar. I think Diaz got the fifth round but Condit will take it 48-47. Close fight.

Carlos Condit defeats Nick Diaz by unanimous decision.

Classy interview with Condit post-fight, it’ll be him against GSP toward the end of the year. Diaz apparently retires in the cage because he thought he won the fight and “don’t wanna play this game no more.”

That’s all folks, thanks for hanging out!

‘UFC on Fox 2: Evans vs. Davis’: Live Results and Commentary

“Is it too soon to talk about Sandusky, or should I wait ten years, like Paterno?” Props: MMAJunkie.com

“The House that Jordan Built” is sold out for the UFC’s return to Fox, which features three times as many televised fights as its Fox debut. Can Chris Weidman make a name for himself against Demian Maia? Will Chael Sonnen challenge Anderson Silva to a casket match after tonight’s fight? Does Phil Davis establish himself as a contender at light-heavyweight, or does Rashad Evans set himself up to get overlooked for yet another title shot? We’ll answer all this and more as it unfolds.

Handling liveblogging duties tonight is Seth Falvo, who will be watching the event with some old friends. Please direct all complaints about spelling and grammar, comments about the liveblogger’s sexual preference and unrelated conspiracy theories directly at him. Spoilers after the jump.

“Is it too soon to talk about Sandusky, or should I wait ten years, like Paterno?” Props: MMAJunkie.com

Good evening, Potato Nation. Glad to see you all here. I’m about to cut to the chase and put my hands on the undercard results worse than Rashad Evans is about to put his hands on Phil Davis. What, where did you think I was going with that one?

Undercard Results:
Evan Dunham vs. Nik Lentz
Mike Russow def. Jon Olav Einemo via unanimous decision
Cub Swanson def. George Roop via second-round TKO
Charles Oliveira def. Eric Wisely via submission (calf-crusher)
Michael Johnson def. Shane Roller via unanimous decision
Lavar Johnson def. Joey Beltran via first-round KO
Chris Camozzi def. Dustin Jacoby via submission (guillotine choke)

And we are live! Don’t get me wrong, I’m very glad that I did not have to sit through that gladiator suiting up yet again. But if we’re replacing that with the robots that were cheesy when the NFL started using them, then I’m going to start tuning in two minutes late.

Chris Weidman vs. Demian Maia

Round One: They touch gloves and we’re underway. After about thirty seconds of feeling out to begin the round, as Weidman rushes in with an overhand right and Maia trips. Weidman is doing a good job slipping Maia’s punches, but isn’t landing anything in return. Weidman lands a right hand, and Maia answers with a knee. Nice 1-2 from Weidman. He attempts a Superman punch, but Maia avoids it entirely. They briefly clinch, but Weidman pushes Maia away. Dear lord Maia is throwing some huge left hands, but none of them are connecting. Weidman gets a takedown with one minute left in the round, but Maia gets back to his feet. They clinch with thirty seconds left in the round, and Maia lands a knee. They are hesitant to exchange as the round ends.

Round Two: Weidman with a nice takedown early. Maia gets back up, and they’re back in the center of the cage. Weidman almost catches a kick from Maia, and answers with a leg kick of his own. Maia looks very stiff out there. Nice overhand left from Maia. And another. Weidman lands an inside leg kick, and the crowd starts to boo the lack of action. They clinch and exchange knees, and we’re back to both fighters treating the fight more like a sparring session. Head kick attempt from Weidman. Weidman goes for a double leg takedown, but Maia stuffs it. They clinch against the cage, and the crowd does not sound pleased. Weidman lands another takedown with twenty seconds remaining, and attempts a guillotine as the round comes to an end.

Round Three: Weidman looks gassed, but Maia doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to take advantage of this. Weidman with a takedown against the cage, but ends up in Maia’s guard. They stand and clinch, with Weidman attempting a takedown that Maia stuffs. A sloppy takedown attempt from Maia gets stuffed. Maia attempts yet another takedown, which Weidman stuffs, but lets Maia back to his feet. Rogan says, and I quote, “This fight has degenerated to a sloppy kickboxing competition”. The crowd is definitely not impressed, as both guys look too exhausted to capitalize. One minute remaining, as Weidman lands an overhand right. Maia is bleeding from his right eyebrow, and has his hands at his waist. Sorry, Mike Goldberg, but I don’t think he’s taunting Weidman so much as he’s downright gassed. This one mercifully comes to an end to a chorus of boos from the Chicago fans.

Sheesh. The casual fan viewing this “U.F.C. stuff” for the first time cannot be impressed. Let’s see how the judges saw it…

Chris Weidman def. Demian Maia via split decision.

We’ve got promos from Michael Bisping and Chael Sonnen. Hopefully Bisping’s fight is closer than these promos. Sonnen absolutely crushed him.

Chael Sonnen vs. Michael Bisping

We hear that this is “one of the few times when Chael Sonnen may have the crowd on his side” as Sonnen makes his way to the cage. Um, what? Eh, I’ll allow it after that questionable editing job during Bisping’s pre-fight hype video.

Round One: Sonnen immediately gets a takedown, but Bisping gets back to his feet. Bisping gets poked, but the fight continues, as Sonnen works for another takedown. Bisping is doing a good job stuffing it, as the first “USA! USA! USA!” chant of the fight breaks out. Sonnen eventually gets another takedown, but Bisping gets back up and they clinch against the cage. They break, but Sonnen blitzes Bisping and pins him against the cage. Nice reversal from Bisping, who now has Chael against the cage. They separate, and Bisping attempts a spinning back kick. Sonnen pins Bisping against the cage, as Bisping keeps grapping Sonnen’s shorts. Bisping pins Sonnen against the cage again (?!), as the two exchange knees. The two exchange in the center of the cage, with Bisping getting the better of the standup as the round comes to an end.

Round Two: Sonnen looks, dare I say, respectful of Bisping’s standup at the start of the round. Sonnen manages to pin Bisping against the cage, but Bisping reverses yet again. Bisping lands a knee from the clinch, as they are separated. Sonnen lands a double leg takedown, as Bisping tries to grab the cage to help himself back up. Bisping appears to be cut. They’re back on their feet, and Bisping lands a nice overhand right. Again, Bisping has Sonnen pinned against the cage. Bisping goes for a single leg takedown, but Sonnen stuffs it. Sonnen is completely out of his element, and is throwing short, all arm punches as Bisping keeps him against the cage. Sonnen escapes, and they trade punches as the round comes to an end.

Round Three: Sonnen lands a big overhand left and gets a double leg takedown as the round begins. Sonnen in in Bisping’s guard, but not really landing anything significant. Bisping grabs the cage yet again, and gives up his back as he tries to stand up. Sonnen gets both hooks in, and is looking for the rear-naked choke. Sonnen gets full mount, and is searching for the arm triangle. Bigping does a good job to escape, but Sonnen manages to keep him down and ends up in half-guard. With one minute left, Bisping has full guard and the crowd is starting to boo. Bisping attempts to wall walk his way up the cage, and manages to do so with twenty seconds left. Bisping gets a takedown (?!) as this round comes to an end.

Wow. Did not see that coming. Bisping was in total control throughout that one. Let’s see if the judges agree.

They don’t. Chael Sonnen defeats Michael Bisping by unanimous decision. Somewhere, Matt Hamill is smiling.

A controversial decision and two middleweights reenacting the third round of Hunt vs. Rothwell for fifteen minutes? Sheesh, good thing my aforementioned old friends are keeping me entertained.

I will say this much, the Rashad Evans pre-fight promo more than makes up for how bad Michael Bisping’s was. I genuinely liked watching that one.

Naturally, Jon Jones is asked for comment. He jokes about swaggerjacking Rashad’s training methods. His nervous laughter, however, implies that he’s totally not joking.
And now for our main event:

Rashad Evans vs. Phil Davis

I really hope Phil Davis didn’t pick his own entrance music. I’d like to believe he doesn’t listen to the stuff I pretend to like at dance clubs to get himself ready for a fight. But I digress.

Round One: Nice leg kick by Phil Davis, followed up with a kick to the body. Another 1-2 from Davis, punctuated with a hard leg kick. Davis lands another leg kick and slips, as Rashad then clinches. They break, with neither guy landing anything of significance. Inside leg kick from Davis, as the two exchange punches, with Evans seemingly getting the better of the exchange. Is it just me, or did Goldberg just imply that if Davis wins, Hendo may get the next title shot? Huh. Evans with a takedown, landing in the half guard of Phil Davis. Rashad moves to side control, and gets the mounted crucifix with thirty seconds left in the round. Davis manages to escape, but Evans still has him on the ground as this round comes to an end.

Regardless of what happens, a Blackzilian will not lose to a first round rear-naked choke tonight. So there’s that, I guess.

Round Two: Davis looks for a head kick, but misses. Evans with a 1-2, but Davis manages to avoid the follow-up punches. They briefly clinch, as Davis lands a knee. Davis throws a kick, but Evans checks it. Rashad blitzes Davis, and pins him against the cage. Nice right hands from Evans, but Davis manages to circle away. Davis slips a punch from Evans, and misses with a haymaker of his own. Nice knee from Davis. With roughly thirty seconds remaining, Evans catches a kick and takes Davis down. Evans is in side control as this one comes to an end.

Round Three: Davis looks for a single leg takedown, but Evans stuffs it. Evans manages to break free, only to be pressed against the cage. Davis looks for a single leg against the cage, and eventually gets it. Evans works towards his feet, and reverses position on Davis. Evans takes Phil’s back, but Davis escapes. They’re back on their feet, clinching against the cage, with Evans controlling Davis. Davis desperately lunges for a takedown, which Evans avoids. Evans has Davis back against the cage. Davis tries to circle away, but Evans stays aggressive. Davis eventually gets the takedown, but Rashad scrambles back to his feet. Davis now has Evans pinned against the cage, and is landing knees to Rashad’s thigh. Davis is content to let this round end clinching against the cage with Evans.

Round Four: Nice kick by Davis. Double jab from Rashad, with Davis landing another body kick. Evans is using his jab nicely to keep Davis away. The crowd is starting to boo, as Rashad is outjabbing Phil Davis. Davis attempts a head kick, but Evans blocks it and pins Davis against the cage. Davis gets free, but he can’t get the takedown he’s looking for. Another takedown attempt from Davis sees Evans take Phil’s back, but Phil Davis is back on his feet. Evans keeps Davis against the cage with forty five seconds remaining in the round and attempts a takedown, but a nice sprawl from Davis sees both men back in the center of the cage. Evans lands a nice counter right hand as this round comes to an end.

Round Five: More kicks from Davis, but Evans is checking them well. The crowd boos, as Davis attempts a kick. Evans catches it, and takes Davis down. Phil Davis is bleeding from his mouth and his shin. Evans gets another crucifix. Davis escapes, but gives up his back to Evans. Davis manages to stand up, and the two exchange jabs in the center of the cage. Evans rocks Davis with an overhand right, causing him to lunge desperately for a takedown. They clinch against the cage as the crowd boos again. Davis breaks free and attempts a head kick. With thirty seconds left in the fight, Davis lands a body kick but seems hesitant to follow up with anything. Evans jabs at Davis as this one comes to an end.

Evans was too much for Davis tonight. If the judges don’t agree with me this time, I may have to make sure I’m watching the right channel.

Rashad Evans def. Phil Davis via unanimous decision.

Jon Jones seems happy with the outcome, even though he doesn’t “fight people’s names, [he] just fights people’s bodies”. I would offer more comments, but then Chris would have nothing to write about tomorrow. Enjoy your evenings, and come back tomorrow. We’ll have plenty to discuss.

‘UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller’ — Live Results + Commentary

(Is that who we think it is? No wonder Guillard always chose “Thong Song” as his walkout music.)

Tonight marks the UFC’s fourth biggest debut on a television network, so how appropriate is it that I, CagePotato’s fourth or fifth best writer, would be assigned to such an…assignment? Damn it, I really had something for that. Anyway, both Melvin Guillard and Jim Miller will be looking to rebound from tough losses and reestablish themselves amongst the UFC’s ever-growing 155 lb. division in tonight’s main event. Elsewhere on the card, Pat Barry and Christian Morecraft will likely be fighting for their jobs, and Jorge Rivera is calling it a career regardless of how his battle with Eric Schafer goes. Everyone raise your glass of Dos Equis in his honor.

So whether you’re watching the fights from your local watering hole or the privacy of your two story, five bedroom & three bathroom brownstone in the sky, join me, Jared Jones, as I recap the action round by round starting at 9 p.m. ET/ 6 p.m. PT, all whilst trying to find the perfect balance between Maker’s Mark, Yellow Tail, and Pabst Blue Ribbon. Allow me to preemptively apologize for any grammatical errors, delayed updates, and possibly racist, anti-semitic, or chauvinistic remarks that may or may not find their way onto this liveblog as a result. LETS DO THIS!!!

(Is that who we think it is? No wonder Guillard always chose “Thong Song” as his walkout music.)

Undercard Results
-Nick Denis def. Joseph Sandoval via KO (Jordan Mein-esque standing hellbows) 0:22 of round 1
-Daniel Pineda def. Pat Schilling via submission (rear-naked choke) 1:37 of round 1
-Fabricio Camoes def. Tommy Hayden via submission (rear-naked choke) 4:03 of round 1
-Charlie Brenneman def. Daniel Roberts via unanimous decision (30-27 x2, 29-28)
-Habib “The Nurm” Nurmagomedov def. Kamal Shalorus via submission (rear-naked choke) 2:08 of round 3
-Jorge Rivera def. Eric Schafer via TKO (punches) 1:31 of round 2

In case you guys haven’t heard, apparently Sean McCorkle isn’t a fan of our particular brand of comedy. And the man makes a good point, fighter bashing is a cheap, classless form of entertainment. It would be like joking about Brett Rogers beating his kids on a live radio program. Thank God neither of us have ever been involved in something so horrible. But hey, even he must admit that we’re still better than BloodyElbow. SO SUCK ON THAT WORLD.

Anyway, here we go…

Pat Barry vs. Christian Morecraft

Jon Anik says Morecraft will have to be “crafty and more to get past Pat Barry.” Mauro Ronaldo just threw himself into oncoming traffic. Herb Dean is our referee.

Round 1: Morecraft gets ahold of Barry’s leg and takes him down early, then starts working a rear-naked. Barry fights out of it and gets to his feet. Leg kick drops Morecraft momentarily. Nice jab by Barry. Morecraft shoots a single…is that Barry attempting a guillotine?!! Morecraft takes advantage, gets Barry to the mat and mounts him again. Morecraft goes for an armbar AND BARRY DEFENDS IT. Barry just misses a head kick. A looping left hook drops Morecraft, and Barry swarms him. Barry finishes Morecraft off with some brutal ground and pound ala Yvel/Rizzo.

Barry def. Morecraft via KO (punches) at 3:38 round 1

Barry showed some much improved submission defense, but will need to add some takedown defense if he wants to put together a real win streak. And he celebrates by planking on Jon Anik’s foot. Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that Barry is one entertaining SOB. Morecraft looks…rough.

Mike Easton vs. Jared Papazian

These two are not fans of one another, and are jawing from across the cage. Was that a Haiduken by Easton in the introductions?

Round 1: Both men come out trading like Frye/Takayama, minus the mustache glory. Easton pins Papazian against the cage. Yamasaki breaks it up near the halfway mark. Leg kick by each man. Papazian wings a huge right hook and catches nothing but air. Leg kick by Easton is answered. Left hand counter by Easton. Easton tries a knee from the clinch. Then a spinning back kick that partially lands. Nice leg kick from Easton. Both men trade some knees and punches until the round ends. 10-9 Easton.

Round 2: Papazian lands a few punches including a superman, but Easton walks right through them. Solid left hook from Easton. Both guys are swinging for the fences, but Easton is getting the better, who decides to clinch. Now they are fighting for underhooks against the cage. Now Papazian tries the spinning back kick, and Easton clinches. Easton gets a takedown and into half guard. He momentarily gets side mount, but Papazian is able to stand back up. Knee Easton. Papazian shoots but is reversed and taken down. Another close round, but Easton took it with takedowns.

Round 3: Both men are trading back and forth with bad intentions. Papazian gets the clinch, but Easton reverses again. Mario splits them up. Papazian recovers briefly from a knee to the groin. Jab Papazian. Three punch combo by Easton. These men have some chins, folks. Papazian is coming forward Diaz style, constantly pressuring Easton with punches in bunches. Leg kicks from both fighters. Easton follows a trip with a right hand. Easton gets the Thai plum and throws a couple more knees. Uppercut Papazian. Easton answers with a right and Papazian goes for a double as the bell rings. Great fight.

Mike Easton def. Jared Papazian via majority decision.

Duane Ludwig vs. Josh Neer

This was my original pick for FOTN, but it’s going to be hard to top Papazian/Easton. They’re using the NFL theme as background music, a sickening reminder that I have to watch Tom Brady yet again come Sunday. I’m not one to wish harm on another person, but I really hope someone spears Brady directly into Bill Belichick, permanently disabling them both in the process.

Round 1: Both men pawing with the jab. Neer clinches after Ludwig catches him coming forward. Nice balance by Ludwig, who throws a knee. Neer lands an overhand right. Ludwig with a knee to the body that momentarily backs up Neer. Ludwig lands a few nice shots, and Neer is just eating them up. Neer grabs a single and manages to get Ludwig down. Neer snags a guillotine in the scramble, and that shit is DEEP. Ludwig goes limp shortly thereafter. Nice win for Neer.

Josh Neer def. Duane Ludwig via submission (guillotine) 3:05 round 1.

Now they’re previewing the Diaz/Condit fight, calling Diaz “the most enigmatic fighter in the UFC.”A thousand dollars says Diaz can neither spell that word nor knows what it means. Then again, dictionaries are for trick ass punks and punk ass tricks, homie.

Melvin Guillard vs. Jim Miller

Miller comes out to “Bad Moon Rising” by CCR. BOSS.

Round 1: Guillard tries an “explosive” flying knee early. Then another. Guillard catches Miller with a left, and Miller clinches. Guillard throws another knee, then whiffs a head kick. Miller drives him into the fence but can’t get him down. Guillard with a right, then yet another flying knee, but Miller manages to take him down. Miller quickly gets into mount, Guillard tries to stand, and Miller leaps into a rear naked choke. I’ve seen this movie before. Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnndddd it’s over. Blackzilians are officially 0-2 in the octagon.

Jim Miller def. Melvin Guillard via submission (rear-naked choke) 2:04 of round 1

Chalk up another win for the Gambling Enabler, folks. Well, just like many first times, this liveblog was shockingly quick and mostly pain free. I thank those of you who decided to keep me company on this cold evening, and hope you all have a great weekend. Peace and love, Potato Nation.

-Danga

‘UFC 142: Aldo vs. Mendes’ — Main Event Liveblog

“I’m not even kidding you, man! It must have been four feet of linguiça. And ‘Humble’ ate the whole thing, just now backstage!” (Photo: UFC.com)

It’s 1 AM in Rio De Janeiro and and the locals have turned out in droves to cheer on their countrymen and wish death upon foreigners. It may not be very sporting of them, but we’ve pretty much thrown professionalism out the window this weekend.

Is Mendes the right Alpha Male to topple Aldo in his own backyard? Does Belfort have enough power to put away one of the UFC’s top heavyweights? And will Palhares’s overwhelming desire to tear limbs apart overcome his instinct to stop fighting in the middle of a bout?

Come join me, Chris Colemon, inside for the answers to these questions and more.

“I’m not even kidding you, man! It must have been four feet of linguiça. And ‘Humble’ ate the whole thing, just now backstage!” (Photo: UFC.com)

Come join me, Chris Colemon, inside for the answers to these questions and more.

I thought the FOX era was supposed to signal the end of the Gladiator intro, but I guess that only counts for FOX broadcasts. That’s a shame.

And we aren’t wasting much time. It’s been a strong showing for Brazil thus far. Let’s see if Etim can turn the tides.

Edson Barboza, Jr. vs. Terry Etim

I don’t speak Portuguese, but I had an easier time understanding Barboza’s prefight interview than I did Etim’s. Bruce Buffer, man of the world, caters to the home crowd in his introduction.

R1: If you forget who is who, the Brazilian is the one with the tan. Big Dan is in control of things. Both men swing awahy and Etim gets the early takedown, but they quickly pop back up. Barboza blocks a head kick. Etim fakes a punch and shoots for another takedown, but Barboza sweeps and gets back up. They’re feeling each other out, and Barboza misses with a wild punch before finding his mark with a pair of leg kicks. Barboza’s thrown quite a few shots to the break basket. Barboza sees the takedown coming and stuffs the Brit. The crowd is chanting something–it undoubtedly involves Etim meeting his maker. Barboza charges in and connects with a combination. Woo, powerful spinning back kick from Barboza to shut out the round.

R2: Etim comes out much more active, but he’s still eating leg kicks. Etim lands a leg kick and follows up with another to the head but it’s blocked. Etim gets stuffed on a takedown and eats a knee to the gut. If he can’t land these takedowns, he needs to get more aggressive in the standup, and he’s making the effort. Barboza’s been landing heavy kicks to Etim’s lead leg throughout the bout, and he’s sticking with the formula. Etim with a head kick and spinning back kick of his own. Etim with a takedown from across the cage. He lands it but it’s as short lived as the others. Barboza digs in with a body shot and follows it up top. Strong switch kick to the body by the Brazilian to close out the round.

R3: Really wish they would have secured local talent for the ring card girls. Am I alone in that? They’re trading early in round three. Etim with a failed flying knee, or “jumping knee” as Goldy called it earlier. Both men are sticking to their plan: Barboza lands a leg kick and Etim fails a takedown. Annnnd Barboza whips around with a magnificent spinning wheel kick! Tiiiiimbeeer! He catches Etim square in the face and this is a wrap!

Edson Barboza def. Terry Etim by Knock Out (2:02 R3)

Rogan calls this the first ever spinning heel kick knock out in UFC history. He’d probably know. A nice finish to kick off the PPV card, and the Brazilians are rolling tonight.

‘UFC 142: Aldo vs. Mendes’ — FX Preliminary Card Liveblog

(From L-R: Gabriel Gonzaga, UFC president Dana White, Squidward Q. Tentacles, and the guy who totally isn’t Dana White’s bodyguard. Photo via MMAJunkie)

Before the UFC 142 pay-per-view card kicks off from the HSBC Arena in Rio de Janeiro, FX will be airing four fights from the preliminary card, featuring the return of veteran lightweight striker Sam Stout as well as formerly-retired heavyweight Gabriel Gonzaga. Follow us after the jump for round-by-round results from the live prelims broadcast starting at 8 p.m., courtesy of rookie CagePotato liveblogger Anthony Gannon. Porra, you guys!

(From L-R: Gabriel Gonzaga, UFC president Dana White, Squidward Q. Tentacles, and the guy who totally isn’t Dana White’s bodyguard. Photo via MMAJunkie)

Sup, Potatoheads. I’m known around these parts as Gan. I look sort of like a mini Butterbean, just without the shorts pulled up to my jugs and the toughness. I enjoy sophomoric humor, ridiculously large burritos, and Friday night bubble baths with a nice Chardonnay, except if it’s a 2004 of course, which everyone knows was simply an appalling year for subtle, buttery whites. That aside, I’m here for you tonight. So let’s do this.

This one is basically Brazil vs. The World, and if it’s anything like the last Brazil card, then the home field advantage will be immense. At UFC 134, with the exception of Luis Cane – who lost by blitzkrieg to Stanislav Nedkov – all of the other seven Brazilians who faced foreigners won their fights. Luis brought shame onto his country and has subsequently been exiled to Nepal. They play for keeps in Brazil. Somewhere out there at this very moment, the Nog Brothers, Anderson Silva, and Steven Seagal are sitting around a fire pit making final preparations for world subjugation by forcing us to change the way we pronounce our R’s.

First up is Ricardo Funch vs. Mike Pyle. Pyle is reppin’ the USA as the lone American on the undercard.

Round 1: They touch gloves and it’s on. Pyle throws knuckles, Funch blocks. Funch with a nice leg kick. They clinch and trade knees. Pyle is winging hooks, but it’s a straight right that finds its way in. Oof, a beautiful knee to the beard drops Funch and Pyle swarms in with punches. Mario Yamasaki steps in and saves Funch from further damage.

Mike Pyle wins by TKO at 1:22 of Round 1. The crowd is not pleased.

Next up is Yuri Alcantara vs. Michihiro Omigawa. And luckily we are treated to more commercials. Hot Hooter’s girls are advising us to beware of bad wings. Pretty ironic.

Round 1: Leon Roberts is our ref, and here we go. They come out hard, Omigawa walks into a heavy knee. Yuri lands another nasty knee to the midsection. Omigawa looks miserable already. Yuri lands a big left. Omigawa is getting his freak on in there, and he lands a left. Spinning back fist misses. “A” for effort. Yuri lands a nice combo. Head kick by Yuri misses. Yuri lands another big left. Huge knee to the body by Yuri, then a huge left has Omigawa rocked. Yuri takes his back and is dropping bombs. But Omigawa reverses ends up on top in Yuri’s guard. Omigawa moves to half guard and is landing a few pitter-patter shots. Yuri with a quick armbar, but Omigawa is saved by the bell.

Round 2: Yuri with a head kick, blocked by Omigawa. Omigawa lands a left. Uppercut whiffed by Yuri. Big left drops Omigawa, and Yuri is in butterfly guard. He moves to half guard, but Omigawa is looking for a leg. Yuri is having none of it. He takes Omigawa’s back, one hook in, and is punching him in the side of the head. Yuri going for a choke, looks good,but Omigawa escapes. Omigawa gets back to guard. Yuri lands a couple of shots, but this is a positional battle right now. Yuri escapes guard, is in half guard, but Omigawa is slippery. Yuri lands a couple shots, Omigawa is bleeding from the ear. Good round for Yuri.

Round 3: Yuri misses a knee while Omigawa lands a short left. Omigawa is still getting his freak on, Yuri looks a little fatigued. Omigawa lands, Yuri whiffs a big hook. Omigawa tries another spinning backfist, it grazes Yuri. Yuri lands a couple big lefts. Yuri punches Omigawa right in his bloody ear. Yuck. Yuri throws a head kick, Omigawa blocks. Both guys are winging punches. Omigawa lands an elbow to the temple, then takes Yuri down. He’s stuck in guard. Omigawa with some ground and pound, but he’s got to know he’s down 2 rounds to 1. He needs to do something dramatic. The ref stand sthem up with 15 seconds to go. Yuri with a throw, lands in full mount, and the bell sounds.

Charles Barkley pimps Weight Watchers. WTF?

Yuri Alcantara scores a unanimous decision victory. He also has one of the nastiest cauliflower ears I’ve ever seen. Even still, he has the gratitude to thank the Almighty.

Rogan and Goldy are selling the main event. Hopefully now that we’re on FX we won’t have to watch Rogan and Dana White close out the broadcast by screaming at the top of their lungs over “Teenage Wasteland” while Rogan’s neck veins explode.

Next we have Gabriel Gonzaga vs. Ednaldo Oliveira. Gonzaga, best known for knocking out Crop Cop with one of the greatest head kicks ever, and for grossly spitting a bloody loogey onto Randy Couture’s back, was retired, but came back to fight Parker Porter a couple of months ago. Now he makes his Octagon return. And thankfully, it appears that finally he has someone in his camp who realizes the importance of Nairing the shoulders.

Round 1: They touch, and it’s a go. They’re feeling each other out. Ednaldo is utilizing the jab, trying to gauge the distance. Gabe misses with a right, but lands a body punch. Ednaldo lands to the head. Gabe with a big takedown. Ednaldo gets to his feet, and Gabe plants him again. He’s in half guard, and looking to land. Gabe takes the back and secures a rear naked choke.

Gabriel Gonzaga wins by rear naked choke at 3:22 of Round 1. Gabe acts as his own interpreter, much respect for that.

Felipe Arantes vs. Antonio Carvalho

Round 1: Antonio with a takedown. In half guard. He’s dropping hammerfists to the body. Moves to side control. They roll and Antonio ends up on top. Now they’re up. Antonio has a headlock on and is throwing knees. Antonio moves to full mount. He’s winging shots, but Felipe escapes and lands a knee. Felipe sticks a nice jab. And another. Spinning back kick missed by Felipe. Antonio tosses a high kick and it’s blocked. And again, but it completely misses. Felipe with a high kick of his won, blocked. They’re trading bones, and Felipe looks to be the more fluid striker. Jumping knee by Felipe, but Antonio absorbs it and grabs a leg, cannot get the takedown. Close round.

Round 2: Felipe misses a kick. Then lands one to the ribs. Oh he’s chucking now. Antonio doing a good job of covering up though, he avoids most of the onslaught. Head kick by Antonio blocked. Nice leg kick by Antonio. High kick returned by Felipe, blocked. Felipe lands a body kick, and they clinch. Antonio has Felipe against the cage, trying for a takedown. Felipe defends well, and is free. Felipe lands a front kick. Takedown attempt by Antonio, defended. Felipe lands a nice straight right. Antonio misses on his combination. Felipe grabs a clinch, knee to the body. Nice leg kick by Felipe too. And another. The round ends with mutual shots.

Round 3: They touch to start the final frame. Antonio lands a leg kick after missing a hook. Felipe responds in kind. They trade leg kicks. Jumping knee by Felipe, grazes. Snapping high kick misses by Antonio. Antonio wanted this fight on the ground and pulled guard to get it there. He’s using the rubber guard, but lets it go. Felipe lands a couple of elbows, and Antonio is cut. Felipe landing some good shots on the ground, including another elbow right to the cut. Antonio working a high guard, but cannot keep it. Felipe goes body, head with punches. Antonio is up but eats a knee. He’s tossing hard, looking for some payback. Spinning kick misses, badly. Knee by Felipe. Felipe lands a huge right. Antonio charges forward but is missing everything he tosses. The clock sounds, and it looks like Felipe has this one locked down. We’ll see.

Felipe Arantes scores himself a unanimous decision victory.

Sam Stout vs. Thiago Tavares up next.

Round 1: Thiago charges forward, they clinch. He scores an easy takedown, not good for Stout. He’s gotten very good on the ground, but the key for him lies in takedown defense in this one. He’s posted, and looking to stand up. Thiago is working the back, but Stout gets free. Stout catches a kick, tosses Thiago off. Thiago clinches up and scores another takedown. Stout is trying to wall walk and eats one to the chops forit. Now he’s up, but Thiago scoops him up and slams him. Stout back against the cage, trying to get up. Thiago relentless with the takedown. Sam is up, but Thiago grabs his neck and pulls guard for a guillotine. Stout escapes and is up. They roll, and Thiago goes for a leg, nothing happening with that. Stout lands right hand. They both chuck, and miss. Thiago lands a hook to the head, and another. Good round for Thaigo.

Round 2: Stout changes, Thiago lands. Stout with a short right. Thiago with a jab. Stout misses an uppercut. Thiago closes the distance and wants a takedown, not happening. Thiago lands a nice right, then a body kick. He shoots but gets shrugged off. Thiago throws a bomb and misses badly. Nice combination by Thiago. And he’s going for a takedown, Stout defends. Stout plods forward but cannot seem to get anything going. Then he lands a body shot. Thaigo grazes a head kick. Stout to the body, and he’s bleeding from behind his ear. Thiago misses a kick, and Stout goes to the body. Stout lands a job while Thiago misses an overhand. Stout lands a nice body kick, then a body punch. Nice leg kick by Thiago, and that’s the round. Close round.

Round 3: Thiago wings one, misses. Then he lands a good one to the chops. Stout with a low kick. Whoops, there’s a boot to the pills. Thiago is down and in pain. He’s up, and trying to walk it off. He lays back down. Now he’s up, and looks ready to go. Stout apologizes,and we’re back on. Thiago throws two kicks, both blocked, misses another overhand. Thiago shoots, Stout defends. Thaigo then lands a hard leg kick. Stout pushing forward, Thiago goes for a takedown, Stout defends again. Stout lands. Another leg kick by Thiago, as Stout lands a hook. Thiago lands a jab. Stout lands two jabs in a row, pretty sweet. Thiago lands a big right. Body kick by Thiago, caught by Stout. Stout with an inside leg kick of his own. Stout with a jab. Leg kick by Stout. Stout drops thiago with a right, and again. And yet again. Stout finished strong, but it may too little too late.

Thiago Tavares wins the unanimous decision.

Well that’s it for me, people. Thanks for getting your live blog on with me. I’m outty. Enjoy the main card.