Late last year, Fans and pundits alike thought MacDonald would face the winner of Robbie Lawler vs. Johny Hendricks II. A controversial decision in Lawler’s favor put the brakes on that since it forced the UFC to book a trilogy between the two welterweights.
MacDonald, left without a dancing partner, will face off with one of the top welterweights in the division in Lombard. We like to think UFC matchmaker Joe Silva booked this fight based on both fighters’ terrible nicknames. We’ve got Rory “The Waterboy”“Ares” “The Red King” vs. Hector “Lightning” “Showweather” Lombard. Ugh. How about the loser AND winner take their nicknames out back and shoot them?
Late last year, Fans and pundits alike thought MacDonald would face the winner of Robbie Lawler vs. Johny Hendricks II. A controversial decision in Lawler’s favor put the brakes on that since it forced the UFC to book a trilogy between the two welterweights.
MacDonald, left without a dancing partner, will face off with one of the top welterweights in the division in Lombard. We like to think UFC matchmaker Joe Silva booked this fight based on both fighters’ terrible nicknames. We’ve got Rory “The Waterboy”“Ares” “The Red King” MacDonald vs. Hector “Lightning” “Showweather” Lombard. Ugh. How about the loser AND winner take their nicknames out back and shoot them?
Both men are on three-fight winning streaks. MacDonald’s comes over the likes of Tarec Saffiedine, Demian Maia, and Tyron Woodley. Meanwhile, Lombard’s winning streak is comprised over wins over Josh Burkman, Jake Shields, and Nate Marquardt.
Both fighters have momentum and are undoubtedly top guys, but we’re writing this one off as a mismatch right from the start. The first round might be competitive, but MacDonald will pull away and box Lombard’s face off for the second and third round of the fight while Lombard plods, huffs, and puffs.
After an abundance of trash talk, a pre-fight press conference brawl, asking pussies if they’re still there, technical breakdowns, and moving betting lines, Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier duked it out for five rounds in an early “Fight of the Year” candidate, which went exactly how most of us thought it would. The main card of UFC 182, however, was pretty putrid.
Our excitement was at an all-time high, which is rare nowadays when it comes to MMA in general. This truly felt like 2008 all over again, but sometimes, we rely on nostalgia to compare upcoming fight cards that may or may not be worth viewing live.
Nevertheless, Jones vs. Cormier lived up to the billing, as both light heavyweights engaged in a dogfight at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, NV., this past Saturday night.
After an abundance of trash talk, a pre-fight press conference brawl, asking pussies if they’re still there, technical breakdowns, and moving betting lines, Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier duked it out for five rounds in an early “Fight of the Year” candidate, which went exactly how most of us thought it would. The main card of UFC 182, however, was pretty putrid.
Our excitement was at an all-time high, which is rare nowadays when it comes to MMA in general. This truly felt like 2008 all over again, but sometimes, we rely on nostalgia to compare upcoming fight cards that may or may not be worth viewing live.
Nevertheless, Jones vs. Cormier lived up to the billing, as both light heavyweights engaged in a dogfight at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, NV., this past Saturday night.
Truth be told, their fight couldn’t have come any sooner to save the day. There was uncontrolled excitement running through our veins Saturday morning, but after the FOX Sports 1 and Fight Pass prelims concluded, we were better off rummaging through our Twin Peaks Definitive Gold Box Edition and watching some of our favorite episodes.
The prelims were off to a raucous start, with Marion Reneau pummeling Alexis Dufresne in a unanimous decision win, and making the latter look like she came straight out of those So You Wanna Fight? events we used to see on our PPV listing (they must be at #341 by now…talk about real oversaturation). The highlight from that fight was Dufresne’s pathetic corner, who had too much pride to throw in the towel and actually made it seen like their fighter could have bounced back when she lost every second of that fight.
After Omari Akhmedov and Evan Dunham returned to winning ways over Mats Nilsson and Rodrigo Damm, respectively, Shawn Jordan scored another highlight-reel knockout over the debuting Jared Cannonier. Then, Team Alpha Male witnessed some ups and downs, as rising prospect Cody Garbrandt scored a stoppage victory over Marcus Brimage with 10 seconds left in the round.
Although the happiness was short-lived, as Paul Felder, taking the fight on short notice, blasted Danny Castillo with a spinning back forearm that sent “Last Call” into the Himalayas. If Garbrandt was seen as one of the starlets of the under card, the undefeated lightweight stole his thunder minutes later, and even walked out of Las Vegas $50,000 richer. The downside is with the sheer volume of athletes competing inside the Octagon these days, it’s impossible for bar bros to remember their names come Monday morning.
The main card was supposed to be off to bang, since Hector Lombard was going to smother the returning Josh Burkman in seconds. However, the former WSOF welterweight title challenger hung in there, hands down and guns blazing, stepping up to “Showeather” and looked good early. Lombard eventually cracked Burkman enough times to convince us the scrap was a lot more lopsided than we initially thought, earning the unanimous decision victory and disappointing UFC President Dana White in the process, since he thought the winner should have tried harder to finish.
Then, it all went miserably downhill from there. You know, there are plenty of things to do on a Saturday night when staying in. MMA fans have sacrificed hitting the club or having a meaningful social life outside of the bubble, and that’s okay. But watching the next three fights (all involving popular fighters like Donald Cerrone, Nate Marquardt, and according to Fightland, the next Prime Minister of Japan, flyweight Kyoji Horiguchi), over the NFL wildcard playoff between the Steelers vs. the Ravens, Saturday Night Live, a black market copy of Birdman, or Louie on Netflix was an absurd decision. I’m not saying the main card of UFC 182 wins The 2015 Potato Award for Greatest-Hype Deflation, but it’s definitely worth consideration.
The main event was a straight-up dogfight, and even looked like a street fight at times. The battle was highly competitive for the first three rounds, as “Bones” was off to a flashy start, throwing strikes from every angle with every limb. It was the back-and-forth scuffle we hoped it would be, thanks to “D.C.” staying in Jones’ face and willing to close the distance, or better yet, nullify the champion’s reach advantage in the clinch. If the first round went to Jones, then it was fair to award Cormier the second.
The tide turned when Jones, who swore he could take down Cormier and presumably started this mess, took the Olympic wrestler down at will, and stuffed his adversary’s attempts, too. From that moment on, it seemed as if Cormier let the fight slip past him, with AKA’s Javier Mendez and Bob Cook yelling in his face while he sat on the stool before the fifth frame.
The challenger didn’t do much to finish the fight in the final round like he needed to, and instead, went for the takedown because of pride issues. He scored somewhat of a toss, and grappled with the champion when he should have separated and swung for the fences. As the fight concluded, Jones, who had given “D.C.” the crotch chop seconds after the final horn, blasted his adversary in his post-fight interview and told fans to return their “Break Bones” t-shirts. Finally, “Bones” embraced the heel persona, and did as good as Shawn Michaels did on The Barber Shop.
A while back, UFC announcer Bruce Buffer compared Jones to Muhammad Ali. Considering Jones was prepping for the Ryan Bader fight at UFC 126, and hadn’t even won his coveted 205-pound strap yet, some knew the comparison would eventually come to fruition, while others chose not to believe it. Ironically, leading up to this contest, there was a lot of talk as Jones being Ali, and Cormier serving as his Joe Frazier, even though “Bones” thought Alexander Gustafsson better suited the part.
However which way the media wants to spin it, Jones isn’t Ali, and quite frankly, he’s something even greater in the sport of MMA. Nobody talks the same way as they did when referring to Anderson Silva and Fedor Emilianenko, and with Georges St-Pierre absent from the whole scenario, Jones truly is the greatest fighter on planet earth right now, and maybe the greatest ever. It’s not like the main event was as close as Jones’ scrap against “The Mauler” at UFC 165.
When it comes to “Gus,” if the Swede beats Anthony Johnson later this month at UFC on FOX 14, he’s obviously next. But the division is so thin that “Rumble” would earn his spot against Jones if he pulls off the upset against the former title challenger.
But you have to wonder what happens after that. Jones sticking around to face his old foes would get tiresome, and maybe even pointless. Some are under the impression that “Bones” should move to heavyweight after his next fight, which would be the right call. If Jones was announced to face Cain Velasquez in four months from now, I’ll go out on a limb and say not only could he win the heavyweight title, he could even be favored. It’s all speculation at this point, yet this athlete is just too special, being 27 years old and already beating the division’s most dangerous fighters. We can say that he may not have even entered his prime yet, but we can also agree he’s wiped out everyone he’s had to in order to be called the greatest, with not much else to prove.
Apart from a lackluster PPV card, UFC 182’s main event was the perfect way to start off 2015, even though problems will continue to persist, like domestic abuse cases being thrown out the window, drug testing woes, odd MMA debuts, PPV price increases and the other nonsense we have to put up with. Apart from the cool Fight Pass library news, some other stuff has been getting us mildly intrigued, like Bellator in it to win it, Brock Lesnar’s rumored return, and the potential superfight involving Ariel Helwani vs. Front Row Brian at Cowboys Stadium (now the AT&T Stadium), stemming from their continued fight announcement rivalry.
Let’s not hold our hopes high for a groundbreaking year. We’re just praying it’s better than the last.
(Legendary NBA benchwarmer Darko Milicic lost his kickboxing debut against Radovan Radojcic last night in Serbia, due to a gnarly gash on his shin. So…maybe golfing, then?)
(Legendary NBA benchwarmer Darko Milicic lost his kickboxing debut against Radovan Radojcic last night in Serbia, due to a gnarly gash on his shin. So…maybe golfing, then?)
The post-fight celebration is a crucial and oft overlooked aspect of mixed martial arts competition, serving as a triumphant final display of a given fighter’s dominance. As a male peacock displays its feathers to attract a mate, an MMA celebration likewise let’s every member of the opposite sex know that you are the Alpha Male, the pack leader, the mate with the most irresistible “plumage.”
Should Rory manage to defeat the winner of Hendricks vs. Lawler in his own backyard, he will need to bring a lot more to the table than “The Spastic Ape” seen above if he hopes to attract a premo Canadian mistress. With that in mind, here are a few celebrations he should consider working on…
The Bernie
A classic go-to at any wedding, birthday, or gala event, the Bernie would allow Rory to shed the notion that he is a stiff, soulless combination of gears and wires contained within a human skinsuit. He could even combine the Bernie with his pre-fight stare into the abyss for a truly haunting experience.
(Woah. He almost looked human there for a second.)
The post-fight celebration is a crucial and oft overlooked aspect of mixed martial arts competition, serving as a triumphant final display of a given fighter’s dominance. As a male peacock displays its feathers to attract a mate, an MMA celebration likewise let’s every member of the opposite sex know that you are the Alpha Male, the pack leader, the mate with the most irresistible “plumage.”
Should Rory manage to defeat the winner of Hendricks vs. Lawler in his own backyard, he will need to bring a lot more to the table than “The Spastic Ape” seen above if he hopes to attract a premo Canadian mistress. With that in mind, here are a few celebrations he should consider working on…
The Bernie
A classic go-to at any wedding, birthday, or gala event, the Bernie would allow Rory to shed the notion that he is a stiff, soulless combination of gears and wires contained within a human skinsuit. He could even combine the Bernie with his pre-fight stare into the abyss for a truly haunting experience.
The Lambeau Leap
As we all know, Canadians are some of the most diehard MMA fans of them all. Whereas American fans rarely start filing in before the main card, Canadians treat FS1 and Fight Pass prelims like they are a goddamned Celine Dion concert on PCP. And what better way for MacDonald to truly connect to his fans than by borrowing a celebration from the most fan-friendly team of them all? Jose Aldo did it once and Brazil is basically the South Canada of MMA fans, so there’s no way this wouldn’t work. And so what if Aldo was nearly ripped apart by his voracious supporters; he earned a fan who would die for him in that moment and that’s really what this sport is all about.
What’s that, you say Rory lacks the personality and brazen arrogance necessary to move the needle? Eh-SQUIDOOSH!!
The Jerk
En route to his unanimous decision victory over BJ Penn at UFC on FOX 5, MacDonald was nothing short of a dancing machine (emphasis on machine), tip-toeing and shim-shammying around Penn like he was less fighting a P4P great of the sport and more like he was back taking jazz tap lessons in his Grandmother’s basement. Word has it that upon viewing Rory’s sublime footwork, Frank Trigg renounced his nickname and attempted to commit suicide via handsaw to the foot.
Rory’s got moves, is what I’m trying to say, and “The Jerk” celebration would perhaps best harness the power of his incredibly nimble feets. Remember, post-fight celebrations are all about attracting the ladies, and nothing accomplishes that faster than moves like Jagger –the story of Johnny Castle has shown us so.
Full disclosure: I don’t really want to see Rory attempt this, I’m just a big fan of this celebration and Bethe Correia in general.
The Huey Lewis
One of the most frustrating things about Rory Mac is his complete refusal to even address the notion that he might be a sociopathic serial killer. Between the, let’s call it meticulous nature of his appearance to his dead-eyed, emotionless demeanor, MacDonald often comes across as a real-life Patrick Bateman, and it would be in his best interest to start playing up this angle of his personality if he ever hopes to be a needle mover like Conor McGregor: Irish Cereal Character or Donald Cerrone: Human Beer Commercial.
We want to see you become a household name, Rory. You represent the emotionally closed-off devourer of worlds in all of us, so maybe give these post-fight celebrations a consideration. Or don’t. We’re not even here.
The weekend is in the books, and although many of you were indulging in baseball playoffs and college football madness, there was plenty of MMA to equally boast and complain about. Apart from the always-vibrant regional circuit, which included MFC 41 and SFL 35 last Saturday night (watch a dude go through the cage door looking like he was on the wrong end of a Stone Cold Stunner right here), there were four major MMA shows taking place in 48 hours, two of which came from the same promotion that may or may not be ruining the sport with its inflated and overstressed schedule.
To top it all off, there were also a handful of stories outside the cage to boast about, some amusing and some downright miserable.
Here is the Cage Potato “Weekend Roundup,” and quite frankly, the only recap you need:
The weekend is in the books, and although many of you were indulging in baseball playoffs and college football madness, there was plenty of MMA to equally boast and complain about. Apart from the always-vibrant regional circuit, which included MFC 41 and SFL 35 last Saturday night (watch a dude go through the cage door looking like he was on the wrong end of a Stone Cold Stunner right here), there were four major MMA shows taking place in 48 hours, two of which came from the same promotion that may or may not be ruining the sport with its inflated and overstressed schedule.
To top it all off, there were also a handful of stories outside the cage to boast about, some amusing and some downright miserable.
Here is the Cage Potato “Weekend Roundup,” and quite frankly, the only recap you need:
Bellator vs. Battlegrounds MMA
It wasn’t exactly the showdown anyone anticipated, yet Bellator 127 went head-to-head against the hopeful Battlegrounds MMA, the upstart group that hired WWE legend Jim Ross and former UFC trash-talking guru Chael Sonnen to lead the way in the commentary booth for the return of the epic one-night tournament.
First, let’s get Bellator out of the way. These weekly Bellator shows will thankfully come to an end, and we can’t wait for Scott Coker to put on monthly shows better than the five UFC shows Zuffa runs per month, even though season 11 has owned so far.
In the main event, Daniel Straus blitzed past Justin Wilcox in under a minute, returning to winning ways after dropping his featherweight strap to Pat Curran back in March. Karo Parisyan’s comeback came to a stop at the hands of Fernando Gonzalez in a catchweight bout, after the latter dropped him and continued to deck him into oblivion. Another catchweight fight saw Rafael Silva defeat another UFC veteran, Rob Emerson, and Kendall Grove surprised the majority of his naysayers by choking out Christian M’Pumbu. Check out the highlights here.
As for Battlegrounds MMA, it was the perfect mix of sensation and shit show. The tournament format made a return, but we can sort of see why MMA can do without it. The show was a little long (not nearly as long as you-know-who), and with all due respect to the combatants participating, it would be hard to say the event would have acquired the same intrigue had it not been a one-night, eight-man welterweight tournament.
Since most of you care about the commentary team, they were a lot better than Mike Goldberg & Joe Rogan, Jon Anik & Brian Stann/Kenny Florian, generic English guy & Dan Hardy, and even Michael Schiavello & Pat Miletech. Both Ross and Sonnen offered something different in the booth, ranging from the “American Gangster’s” steroid jokes and ranking a ring girl, to Ross’ dry humor and still intact punch lines.
The unlikely winner of the whole shebang was Roan Corneiro, defeating three men in one night (including two finishes), and then stripped of $15,000 by the Oklahoma Athletic Commission for “showing up late” to a medical. Since the grand prize was a whopping $50,000, earning just $35,000 to topple three foes in one night is pretty atrocious. Other notable tournament highlights include Cody McKenzie making weight by donating a pint of blood and then losing to Brock Larson by submission, Joe Ray mauled Luigi Fioravanti, and Trey Houston upset Jesse Taylor with a slick first-round armbar.
UFC Sweden Actually Turned Out To Be A Good Show
UFC in the afternoon is a little odd. Depending on which coast you reside on, you have limited time when waking up in someone’s bed that you don’t recognize, and realize you’re about three ferry rides away from your home. Some of us would just keep chilling, but you know, their partner can turn out to be Leo Johnson.
Anyway, Twitter, the best social media app on the fucking planet, blew up with so-called MMA journalists and enthusiasts making fun of those watching the UFC Sweden prelims around noon without being paid for it. We tend to agree.
The UFC Fight Night 53 main card was pretty damn entertaining, mainly because all the Swedes and their affiliates lost. Rick Story shocked by emphatically defeating the overhyped Gunnar Nelson, and then completely blew his post-fight interview by not calling someone out. The co-main event saw Max Holloway knock out Akira Corassani, and the Wiki-less Ilir Latifi also fell to Jan Blachowicz due to a mean kick to the body. The action opened up with Mike Wilkinson upsetting Niklas Backstrom with a nasty knockout. The best part was when the latter walked up to Dan Hardy in the midst of talking to the Englishman and simply said, “that’s fucked up, man …(something else)…”
Donald Cerrone & Hapless Canuck Get Inked
After promising his boss he wouldn’t wakeboard or commit to other crazy shit on fight week, UFC lightweight Donald Cerrone got some pretty interesting ink on his foot. To be honest, there should be more instances of a blonde Bettie Page riding a rocket-penis in the sport.
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WoW the feet hurt!! Would way rather take 30 unanswered uppercuts to the face lol @benguntattoo
If you thought that was bad, check out this moronic UFC-loving sap getting UFC Halifax inked on his freaking forearm, complete with the iconic Chuck Liddell pose.
UFC made its debut in Nova Scotia this past Saturday night with UFC Fight Night 54, showcasing the fight card on multiple backup platforms after FOX Sports 1 flipped them the bird and said, “we’re finishing baseball first, Mitch Gagnon.”
The event was pretty lackluster in general, minus Rory MacDonald’s official coming out party as the real Patrick Bateman. He finished Tarec Saffiedine in the third round via knockout, and there’s a good chance he’s next in line for the welterweight championship. Also on the card, Miesha Tate’s boyfriend lost to Raphael Assuncao in the co-main event.
As for the rest of the main card, check Wikipedia. If Dana isn’t doing post-fight scrums anymore, we aren’t either.
War Machine Is Back On Twitter
War Machine, real name John … you know what? Fuck War Machine. Up next …
UFC Newcomer Creates Go Fund Me Page
Every time the fighter pay issue is brought up in the media, the UFC brass (primarily) completely shuts down the remarks, citing backstage bonuses, unknown contract clauses, and general media stupidity to fight their cause.
In this instance, Nina Ansaroff, who makes her Octagon debut against Juliana Lima in a women’s strawweight bout at UFC Fight Night 56 in Brazil, has created a “Go Fund Me” page upon entering her first fight for the promotion hopeful of “world fucking domination.”
This has to be one of the saddest instances of fighter pay in the goddamn world. Not only did Cat Zingano’s paycheck raise a few eyebrows last week, but also that’s just another example of how flawed the pay system is. Ansaroff is an Invicta FC veteran, riding a five-fight winning streak, and fought both Carla Esparza and Barb Honchak early on in her career. As it stands, the fighter has raised $960, with a projected goal of $5,000.
The “People’s Warrior” claimed he threw his welterweight title fight against Steve Carl back in October 2012, just to get back into the UFC’s grace. It was a little hard to believe since the scrap was a back-and-forth battle that saw Burkman go out due to a triangle choke.
After some back-and-forth clowning with Ben Askren on Twitter, Burkman reiterated that he would never throw a fight, and was simply tooling the current One FC welterweight champion (as per his chat with MMA Fighting).
