Author: Jason Moles

Friday Night Fights: Who Will Win the Ratings War Between Bellator and ‘TUF’?


(Will MMA finally be able to overcome the mythical Friday Night Death Slot?)

By Jason Moles

Last week, it was announced that Bellator Fighting Championships would be changing the night they broadcast their weekly fights, beginning with their Season 6 tournaments in March 2012.

Instead of competing for an audience on Saturday nights, when most fans are preoccupied with UFC pay-per-views and college football, Bjorn Rebney in conjunction with Viacom, has determined the best night for the largest number of MMA fans to enjoy the show is Friday. Good choice? Perhaps.

Also airing on Friday nights starting in 2012 is the UFC’s flagship reality series, The Ultimate Fighter. In its fifteenth season, Zuffa decided to mix it up a bit in hopes of revitalizing fan interest and attracting new viewers by airing the fights live.

So will Bellator gain any ground if they’re still competing with the world’s largest MMA promotion? Will the in-house shenanigans, trash-talking coaches, and UFC brand be able to attract a larger audience than an entire night of live fights, some of which have been classified as ‘Super‘? Not only can we not be in two places at once, we can’t watch two television programs at the same time either. So, who wins the ratings war?


(Will MMA finally be able to overcome the mythical Friday Night Death Slot?)

By Jason Moles

Last week, it was announced that Bellator Fighting Championships would be changing the night they broadcast their weekly fights, beginning with their Season 6 tournaments in March 2012.

Instead of competing for an audience on Saturday nights, when most fans are preoccupied with UFC pay-per-views and college football, Bjorn Rebney in conjunction with Viacom, has determined the best night for the largest number of MMA fans to enjoy the show is Friday. Good choice? Perhaps.

Also airing on Friday nights starting in 2012 is the UFC’s flagship reality series, The Ultimate Fighter. In its fifteenth season, Zuffa decided to mix it up a bit in hopes of revitalizing fan interest and attracting new viewers by airing the fights live.

So will Bellator gain any ground if they’re still competing with the world’s largest MMA promotion? Will the in-house shenanigans, trash-talking coaches, and UFC brand be able to attract a larger audience than an entire night of live fights, some of which have been classified as ‘Super‘? Not only can we not be in two places at once, we can’t watch two television programs at the same time either. So, who wins the ratings war?

If you’re the type of person who roots against Lebron James, Jon Jones, or the Los Angeles Lakers, chances are you’re probably going to slam the UFC as well. In which case, you and your buddies probably chat it up on the bar stools or at the water cooler about how The Ultimate Fighter is stale, annoying, and that one lousy fight doesn’t motivate you to watch fifty minutes of predictable Real World-esque antics sans hot chicks.

Bellator on the other hand, offers four fights that actually have meaning, scraps that can possibly materialize into Fight of the Year candidates. You’ll witness up-and-comers, veterans looking to bounce back, and everything in between battle it out for a novelty-sized check and a title belt — not because they want to be on TV, sign autographs and bang broads. From a fan’s perspective, there’s more to life than making chicken salad out of chicken sh*t.

While those arguments are logical enough in their own right, you’d be foolish to overlook the fact that MTV2 (Bellator’s home for one more year) is in roughly 80 million homes, while FX (TUF‘s new home) is sitting pretty at 98 million. When Bellator’s Spike deal kicks off in 2013, they’ll regain a slight edge in cable broadcast reach against FX, but for next year they’ll be at a clear competitive disadvantage.

Over the past decade, UFC has become synonymous with mixed martial arts. Audiences come to expect a certain level of production and sizzle from their MMA, which is something the UFC has been able to deliver better than anybody. For that reason alone, casual observers are betting on them to claim Friday nights as their own. Thanks in large part to their pioneering work with social media, the brand loyalty held by the UFC is unrivaled, and unprecedented. While fans of other professional sports might have loyalty to their favorite teams and players, they don’t have the same emotional connection to the leagues themselves. (I doubt David Stern gets many requests from grown men asking to sit in his lap these days.)

Another reason no one in Vegas is worried about going toe-to-toe with Bellator is the fresh format in store which includes a voting system similar to American Idol where fans can choose who they want to see face next. Allowing viewers to hand-pick the next fight is reason enough to make TUF the Friday night go-to for MMA fans.

Why are ‘voting enabled’ shows so darn popular? Two reasons: We love watching people humiliate themselves (think of the Idol reject who is convinced of their talent) and we love feeling like we’re a part of something. When we vote, we believe that our voice matters thus strengthening our appreciation of the show. Who could resist a company that asks them what they want? The fifteenth season of TUF will prove this true.

So who do you think will win the ratings war on Friday nights in 2012? Will you tune in to watch another guy fight and lose to Hector Lombard, or are you more a fan of doors getting smashed and food getting inseminated? Whichever side you fall on, you can rest assured that if one starts bludgeoning the other to a bloody pulp, the other will tap out and live to see a new day (I’m hoping for Wednesday). There is far too much money at risk to settle for being number two in a world that only cares about numero uno.

Crazy Enough to Be True: Ten Wild MMA Predictions for 2012


(“I appreciate the recognition, but really, this award belongs to CagePotato. Get up here, guys.”)

By Jason Moles

This time last year, I gave you a list of predictions that really created a stir. I boasted that the UFC would host an event in Mexico and be legalized in New York. Man, was I ever wrong about that. I apologize. But I also said that Dana White would coin a new phrase, land a network TV deal and that a famous athlete would cross over into the world of mixed martial arts. Not bad, eh? 2012 is quickly approaching so get the champagne on ice and let’s get to those wild predictions…

1. FOX will reprimand Dana White for his inevitable off-handed comments.

“Faggot“, “f*cking retarded”, “dumb bitch” — these are all things that have been uttered by the president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Dana White. The UFC may be MMA’s pinnacle and FOX’s diamond in the rough, but if the promotion is ever to secure a spot in the mainstream, it needs to display more control over its mouthpiece and his tongue. Advertisers tend to frown upon such public displays of hostility and bigotry. When Uncle Dana slips again and gives someone an earful, you can be certain that it won’t go unpunished as it has in the past. This goes for you too, Rogan and Rashad.

2. A champion will test positive for a banned substance.


(“I appreciate the recognition, but really, this award belongs to CagePotato. Get up here, guys.”)

By Jason Moles

This time last year, I gave you a list of predictions that really created a stir. I boasted that the UFC would host an event in Mexico and be legalized in New York. Man, was I ever wrong about that. I apologize. But I also said that Dana White would coin a new phrase, land a network TV deal and that a famous athlete would cross over into the world of mixed martial arts. Not bad, eh? 2012 is quickly approaching so get the champagne on ice and let’s get to those wild predictions…

1. FOX will reprimand Dana White for his inevitable off-handed comments.

“Faggot“, “f*cking retarded”, “dumb bitch” — these are all things that have been uttered by the president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, Dana White. The UFC may be MMA’s pinnacle and FOX’s diamond in the rough, but if the promotion is ever to secure a spot in the mainstream, it needs to display more control over its mouthpiece and his tongue. Advertisers tend to frown upon such public displays of hostility and bigotry. When Uncle Dana slips again and gives someone an earful, you can be certain that it won’t go unpunished as it has in the past. This goes for you too, Rogan and Rashad.

2. A champion will test positive for a banned substance.

This is not a repeat of 2002, 2003, or 2007. With nearly twenty champions total in the three largest MMA promotions, it’s not completely absurd to think that one of them has to be on something. I’d like to think that the warriors I pay money to watch fight are in such great shape and so shredded by drinking milk, taking their vitamins and doing lots of situps…but if I allowed myself to believe that I might as well believe that “you could punch a man 300 times, he hits you 11 times, wraps his legs around your head for eight seconds and they declare him the winner.” We shouldn’t point any fingers. (At least not yet, anyway.)

3. Brock Lesnar will retire from Mixed Martial Arts.

How many times can you tell the Grim Reaper “I’ll be ready when I’m damn good and ready”? No, not that one, but that might be a good fight. Problem: Brock Lesnar’s body is suffering from a serious illness, he really doesn’t like to get punched in the face, and he HATES being away from home. Solution: Retire from MMA, have Vince McMahon pay you millions to star in the next direct-to-DVD WWE film conveniently filmed in Lesnar’s backyard and make an appearance every now and then. Sure sounds a heck of a lot better than training like this all the time.

4. Anderson Silva will vacate his title to tour the world with Justin Bieber.

Look, it’s easier for me to type that than it is to suggest the possibility of Anderson Silva losing in 2012. Silva isn’t expected to fight until sometime in the summer when half the year is in the books. Champions rarely defend their title more than once a year and with his projected timeline, Silva may only step foot in the cage once before the world comes to an end. Given the fighters who are currently “in the mix” and the probability of a fully healthy Spider losing to an American Gangster, a Count, or even a Filipino Wrecking Machine, I can say with certainty that the UFC middleweight champion will remain Anderson Silva ad infinitum.

5. Nick Diaz will buy a house.

Following another big payday against Carlos Condit, Diaz will take some time off and finally enroll in those “Buying a House” classes at the local community college. For his thesis project, he will purchase a modest bungalow in the good part of Stockton. After that, he’ll have even more reasons to complain about not being paid enough, including property taxes and lawn maintenance.

MMA Black Friday: 7 Things That Money Can’t Buy


(A PSP, a Marmaduke book, and fistful of dollars… Man, this cat really knows how to get down!)

By Jason Moles

While our wives and girlfriends are busy maxing out our credit cards in hopes of finding the perfect gift for everyone she knows, we should be reminded that money can’t buy everything — especially in the world of mixed martial arts. Follow us after the jump to discover the irony of the MMA Black Friday. I promise it will be better than the turkey sandwich and leftover pumpkin pie you’ll have for lunch.

1.) Resurrection

In June, Cheick Kongo did what no man has done since the Messiah some 2,000+ years ago — he defeated death. Alright, so maybe I’ve had a few too many turkey day cocktails and that’s not exactly how it went down, but you get the jist. Kongo was knocked unconscious not once but twice in his fight against fellow heavyweight Pat Barry and he still managed to win the fight! By KO nonetheless. No amount of Earthly money could ever buy a second (or third) chance to live again. If it were that easy, Steve Jobs would’ve made certain you increase your credit limit.


(A PSP, a Marmaduke book, and fistful of dollars… Man, this cat really knows how to get down!)

By Jason Moles

While our Carlos Condit’s Wife Seager Is Rather Attractive [PHOTOS]” href=”http://www.cagepotato.com/mma-w-a-g-alert-carlos-condits-wife-seager-is-rather-attractive-photos/”>wives and girlfriends are busy maxing out our credit cards in hopes of finding the perfect gift for everyone she knows, we should be reminded that money can’t buy everything — especially in the world of mixed martial arts. Follow us after the jump to discover the irony of the MMA Black Friday. I promise it will be better than the turkey sandwich and leftover pumpkin pie you’ll have for lunch.

1.) Resurrection

In June, Cheick Kongo did what no man has done since the Messiah some 2,000+ years ago — he defeated death. Alright, so maybe I’ve had a few too many turkey day cocktails and that’s not exactly how it went down, but you get the jist. Kongo was knocked unconscious not once but twice in his fight against fellow heavyweight Pat Barry and he still managed to win the fight! By KO nonetheless. No amount of Earthly money could ever buy a second (or third) chance to live again. If it were that easy, Steve Jobs would’ve made certain you increase your credit limit.

2.) The Joy Experienced Watching Anderson Silva in 2011

From revolutionizing the MMA landscape with a kick the way the Miami Dolphins did with a Wildcat Offense a few years ago to several strangely fascinating videos, Anderson Silva has provided more entertainment than a Chael Sonnen Says F*ck Canada or at Least This Reporter Who Lives There” href=”http://www.cagepotato.com/video-chael-sonnen-says-fck-canada-or-at-least-this-reporter-who-lives-there/” target=”_blank”>Chael Sonnen interview. These are memories that will last a lifetime, or three if you’re Cheick Kongo.

3.) A Clue

Man what I wouldn’t give to slap that stupid look off his face. This guy is more confused than a homeless man on house arrest. If money could by a clue, we’d have to take up another donation. It’s probably best we don’t, though – your better half has been gone quite awhile now.

4.) The Fight You Most Want To See

Fans want Dana White to make two fights happen pronto: Jon Jones vs. Rashad Evans and Chael Sonnen vs. Anderson Silva. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. It’s no wonder why there’s so much clamoring to see these fighters settle their differences in the Octagon. Take Sonnen for instance, he talked his way into our hearts, gave the pound-for-pound king the beating of his life in route to getting subbed in the final round, and has ceased his verbal attack on “The Spider” going as far as to challenge him to a ‘Loser Leaves Town’ match. There is honest hatred in the Oregonian’s heart that we must see unleashed again — if only to find out how big a role Silva’s injured ribs played.


As for ‘Suga’ and ‘Bones’, the future PPV tagline says it all: Good Friends, Better Enemies. Their genuine dislike for one another only adds fuel to the fire. We all know the story of training partners so close one would fake a hand injury to avoid fighting the other to a young pup stealing all the spotlight while running his mouth about what when on during a sparring session at Jackson’s. Did I mention they had and nearly threw down at a nightclub?

5.) A Title Shot

Jon Fitch has not lost a fight since Georges St. Pierre defeated him for the UFC welterweight championship back in 2008. In that time, Kenny Florian and Lyoto Machida have been given several opportunities to fight for gold. So why not Fitch? Is he too boring? Is it because he doesn’t have a fancy TV show on ESPN or drink his own pee? Yeah, we’re not sure either. Since money is useless when attempting to get a title shot, we came up with a few ways Fitch might get another crack anyway.

6.) Forgiveness

You can’t think about Paul Daley sucker punching Josh Koscheck and subsequently being fired without hearing Don Henley’s ‘The Heart of the Matter‘ in your head. This is the classic ‘from the penthouse to the outhouse’ scenario; He went from fighting in the UFC in May 2010 to fighting in Impact FC two months later. Despite his apology to Kos, the crestfallen Daley remained focused on working his way back in Dana’s good graces fighting five times this year. Zuffa owned Strikeforce appears to have let “Semtex” wander off on his own after dropping two straight. Tack on his history of missing weight and you’ll see that this is one ‘F’ word you won’t here White say.

7.) The Keys to New York

If money could by Zuffa keys to the state of New York, they would have filled MSG twice already. Remember, they even tried to buy their way in as recent as this past summer. Remember folks, money — it isn’t everything.

MMA Stock Market™ — ‘UFC 139: Shogun vs. Henderson’ Edition


(In a way, we were all the “Screaming PRIDE Lady” that night. / Photo courtesy of Esther Lin, MMA Fighting)

By Jason Moles

The suits on Wall Street keep whispering about a ‘Halloween indicator‘ and how now is not a time to sell; rather we should sit back and let our riches mount. Call it what you will, but millions watched UFC on FOX and UFC 139 and concluded the same thing: Most fighter’s stocks are rising steadily. Even if you’re not sure which is the true Fight of the Year from this weekend — Dan Henderson vs. Marucio Rua or Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler — you’ll know how to safeguard your hypothetical MMA portfolio’s worth after playing another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’.

Stephan Bonnar: Buy

It’s hard to believe that any TUF veteran could take nearly a year off from the sport and return with the engine firing on all cylinders, but Stephan Bonnar did just that. The BJJ schooling he dished out was almost as surprising as his apology to Josh Koscheck for making those damn shirts. Even that wasn’t the most unexpected thing to happen; one judge gave the ‘American Psycho’ a 30-25 victory. Grab hold of any unclaimed stock before he starts getting big fights and Dana declares him “in the mix.”


(In a way, we were all the “Screaming PRIDE Lady” that night. / Photo courtesy of Esther Lin, MMA Fighting)

By Jason Moles

The suits on Wall Street keep whispering about a ‘Halloween indicator‘ and how now is not a time to sell; rather we should sit back and let our riches mount. Call it what you will, but millions watched UFC on FOX and UFC 139 and concluded the same thing: Most fighter’s stocks are rising steadily. Even if you’re not sure which is the true Fight of the Year from this weekend — Dan Henderson vs. Marucio Rua or Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler — you’ll know how to safeguard your hypothetical MMA portfolio’s worth after playing another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’.

Stephan Bonnar: Buy

It’s hard to believe that any TUF veteran could take nearly a year off from the sport and return with the engine firing on all cylinders, but Stephan Bonnar did just that. The BJJ schooling he dished out was almost as surprising as his apology to Josh Koscheck for making those damn shirts. Even that wasn’t the most unexpected thing to happen; one judge gave the ‘American Psycho’ a 30-25 victory. Grab hold of any unclaimed stock before he starts getting big fights and Dana declares him “in the mix.”

Kyle Kingsbury: Sell it like a dog with fleas

When Kyle Kingsbury comes to mind, so does the letter ‘O’ – as in Outclassed, Outworked, and Oxymoron. Not once did this guy look like he belonged in the Octagon despite his four-fight win streak since losing his UFC debut against “Filthy” Tom Lawlor at the Ultimate Fighter 8 finale. Do not let critics scare you into keeping an underperforming stock by calling you a prisoner of the moment. After all, this is mixed martial arts where you’re only as good as your last fight.

Martin Kampmann – Buy

While some would argue that Martin Kampmann should be riding a five-fight win streak right now — with his previous decision losses to Jake Shields and Diego Sanchez falling somewhere between “questionable” and “straight bullshit” — the truth is that the Hitman was one pitch away from being struck out. Just like baseball, MMA has its own set of unwritten rules, one of which is ‘three losses and you’re cut’, unless you’re Dan Hardy. Thankfully for the Danish fighter, he decoded the opponent’s signals, managed to hit a solid line drive, and made it on base. Keep your eye on this guy; big things are on the horizon.

Rick Story – Hold, Please

There are still a few chapters yet to be written about Rick Story‘s mixed martial arts career. What seemed at first to be a low comedy is now looking more like a familiar tragedy. The hype train derailed after Story was dominated by late replacement Charlie Brenneman at UFC Live: Kongo vs. Barry. Being fully aware that Story took that fight a little less than a month after defeating Thiago Alves, I still don’t like this investment at the moment because everything has to go right to make the stock go to the next level, and that’s a very tough call in this particular environment. Maybe he should listen to Joe Rogan going forward; at least he could tell Rick that giving up your back in the third round is not the wisest decision.

Urijah Faber – Buy it like they’re giving it away from free

Dominic Cruz will defend his Bantamweight title against “The California Kid” in a rubber match after Urijah Faber took out top contender Brian Bowles via submission. If it seems like we’re experiencing deja vu it’s because these two took Fight of the Night honors this past summer at UFC 132, a mere four months ago. Faber methodically picked his opponent apart and managed not to break his hands in the process. Kudos are in order. It won’t matter if he beats Cruz this time around just as it won’t matter if he never wins a belt in the UFC. People love this guy and so should you. TCKUF is MMA’s version of MEG.

Brian Bowles – Dump it like a Kardashian

Brian Bowles‘ calm acceptance of not being “one of the cool kids” is like me being okay with not being nominated for Journalist of the Year in the sense that any other reaction is complete nonsense and no amount of objection to the contrary would do a damn bit of good. The fear of breaking his hands again alone is enough to make the former champion hesitant and uncomfortable fighting the same style that lead to him headlining fight cards. I doubt he will ever be a legitimate contender again; for this reason I’m dumping all BB stock I own and suggest you do likewise.

Cung Le – Hold

I find it difficult to fault the Hollywood action star/three-time Wushu World Championships bronze medalist/2007 Kung Fu Artist of the Year/Former Strikeforce Middleweight Champion/lover of many slashes for coming up short in his UFC debut. Those pesky Octagon jitters are real, knowmsayin? Questionable stoppage or not, Cung Le was not going to win that fight. It just wasn’t meant to be, which leads me to the rest of the fighters on the UFC 139 PPV…

Wanderlei Silva, Dan Henderson, and Shogun Rua – Buy, Buy, Buy

Three former champions from PRIDE, Strikeforce, and UFC, all of whom are future Hall of Famers, looked defeat in the eyes and declared that they would not go down without a fight. “The Axe Murderer” got clipped, went down, and came back to welcome the aforementioned Cung Le to the big show the proper way — by punching and kneeing him into a bloody pulp. There’s a certain country in the Pacific Ocean that is just dying to see Wanderlei Silva return to the Land of the Rising Sun that will undoubtedly yield massive short term dividends.

Immediately after, Dan Henderson and Maurico “Shogun” Rua battled it out in what Dana White says is one of the top three fights in MMA history. Despite the initial reaction of the masses after seeing undefeated Michael Chandler choke out Eddie Alvarez for the Bellator lightweight championship, Hendo vs. Shogun is quite possibly the single best fight anyone has ever had the privilege of watching. Both men were rocked, bloodied, and generally pretty banged up entering the final round, one that never would have happened if Josh Rosenthal had his way. Henderson may have got the ‘W’, but both are winners in the eyes of the fans, even if some insist the fight should have been ruled a draw requiring an immediate rematch.

Load up on these fighters’ stock if you want to avoid being beaten with a stick — or worse! Until next time….

Pro Wrestling Stuff We Want To See In MMA

By Jason Moles

A large percentage of MMA fans grew up as fans of pro wrestling.

Back in the day, you watched Saturday morning cartoons and then WWF Superstars. A couple of days later, you took your pick between Monday Night Raw and WCW Monday Nitro. There even came a point when you could scratch your mid week ‘rasslin’ fix with the help of Smackdown. For a select few of you, body slams and face paint wasn’t enough and you tuned into Paul Heyman’s ECW in hopes of seeing someone power bombed off the top of a steel cage through multiple burning tables. As soon as you were introduced to “No-Holds Barred” fighting thanks to Ken Shamrock, you were hooked. You started renting UFC VHS tapes and the followed The Ultimate Fighter.

It’s been an incredible journey thus far as a fan of fighting, both choreographed or otherwise, but you can’t help but miss a few of these iconic pieces of your childhood while wishing MMA would get their own version.

By Jason Moles

A large percentage of MMA fans grew up as fans of pro wrestling.

Back in the day, you watched Saturday morning cartoons and then WWF Superstars. A couple of days later, you took your pick between Monday Night Raw and WCW Monday Nitro. There even came a point when you could scratch your mid-week ‘rasslin’ fix with the help of Smackdown. For a select few of you, body slams and face paint wasn’t enough and you tuned into Paul Heyman’s ECW in hopes of seeing someone power bombed off the top of a steel cage through multiple burning tables. As soon as you were introduced to “No-Holds Barred” fighting thanks to Ken Shamrock, you were hooked. You started renting UFC VHS tapes and the followed The Ultimate Fighter.

It’s been an incredible journey thus far as a fan of fighting, both choreographed and otherwise, but you can’t help but miss a few of these iconic pieces of your childhood while wishing MMA would get their own version.

Ice Cream Bars

Today’s youth are nothing but a bunch of over sensitive, technology loving, benchwarmers. Instead of snacking on Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, or the Ultimate Warrior ice cream after a BJJ or wrestling class, they prefer a SpongeBob or Dora treat (could be worse) before their LAN party. If those little snowflakes are the future of America, somebody toughen them up, and soon. Give these kids an “Iceman”, GSP, or Brock Lesnar ice cream and we may have a country to be proud of in the next generation.

 

 ’Legends of’ Video Game

The UFC ‘Undisputed’ video game franchise does include a few MMA legends here and there, and the latest installment looks to do a pretty solid job of offering us some of the best PRIDE fighters, but fans want more. Where’s our Ken Shamrock, Royce Gracie, or Tank Abbott in their prime? If the video game version of Cro Cop can’t beat Shane Carwin, the game is deplorable. Hey, while they’re at it, let’s hope they give us one-night tournaments and groin strikes too!

Foam Fingers

The UFC on Fox fight card brought the sport a lot of attention, a 64-second knockout, and the first(?) MMA foam finger-esque piece of memorabilia. Are these kinda cheesy? You bet. Typically overpriced? Uh-huh. Will the sight of you wearing one decrease your chance of scoring with one of the Octagon girls at the after party? Nope, you can’t get any less of a chance than zero. We’re guys and we love brightly colored crap we’ll never use again, if only just to have a souvenir to remember the time we saw the pride of Mexico get chewed up and spit out faster than a Meximelt at Taco Bell.

MMA Stock Market™ — ‘UFC on FOX’ Edition

By Jason Moles

As ESPN’s Bill Simmons tweeted, the UFC lost its network virginity to FOX and it was over in a matter of seconds – just like real life. Similarly, for most of you, there seemed to be that same awkward feeling afterwards where you’re not sure if should zip up and head home to catch Sports Center or if she expects you to spoon with her until the early morning light reveals what she looks like when you’re sober. Regardless of what decision is made you can be certain that from this moment forth, life will never be the same. Ever.

It’s done – over. You can’t change anything even if you wanted to, like what you screamed as the finish came about. This is probably in your best interest seeing as how you’ll need money if you want her to stay around, at least more money than you currently have. Women love when you shower them with tokens of your affection so you should really pay attention to this next part. So crack open that portfolio and let’s play another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’ in the MMA Stock Market.

Junior dos Santos – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free.

“Cigano” defeated the previously unbeaten UFC heavyweight in one minute and four seconds to capture the belt – with a torn meniscus. With only sixty-four seconds to analyze, it is hard to point out anything we didn’t already know like getting hit by JDS may be hazardous to your health. Any way you want to slice it, it all turns out the same; dos Santos is here to stay.

By Jason Moles

As ESPN’s Bill Simmons tweeted, the UFC lost its network virginity to FOX and it was over in a matter of seconds – just like real life. Similarly, for most of you, there seemed to be that same awkward feeling afterwards where you’re not sure if should zip up and head home to catch Sports Center or if she expects you to spoon with her until the early morning light reveals what she looks like when you’re sober. Regardless of what decision is made you can be certain that from this moment forth, life will never be the same. Ever.

It’s done – over. You can’t change anything even if you wanted to, like what you screamed as the finish came about. This is probably in your best interest seeing as how you’ll need money if you want her to stay around, at least more money than you currently have. Women love when you shower them with tokens of your affection so you should really pay attention to this next part. So crack open that portfolio and let’s play another round of ‘Buy, Sell, Hold’ in the MMA Stock Market.

Junior dos Santos – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free.

“Cigano” defeated the previously unbeaten UFC heavyweight in one minute and four seconds to capture the belt – with a torn meniscus. With only sixty-four seconds to analyze, it is hard to point out anything we didn’t already know like getting hit by JDS may be hazardous to your health. Any way you want to slice it, it all turns out the same; dos Santos is here to stay.

Cain Velasquez – Buy

There will be more than a few rookie day traders dumping loads of “Brown Pride” after Cain’s performance Saturday night. Don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment, kid. Use rook’s weakness against him and buy all the ‘Shrexican‘ stock you can afford. Look, Velasquez didn’t go out and get man handled, out wrestled, or even out struck – he got caught. He will get another title shot, and judging from the competition, he’ll more than likely fight JDS again.

Clay Guida – Hold

One of the first rules they’ll teach you about investing is to keep emotions out of it. In other words, don’t buy Microsoft stock just because you have an Xbox 360 when you should be buying Lowe’s even if you couldn’t find a reciprocating saw to save your life. Pretty easy, right? As a fan of exciting fights, I can’t advise you to sell Guida’s stock even if he wears a crown that reads ‘Gatekeeper’. Although you shouldn’t sell, you shouldn’t spend any more money on him either. If you do, you run the risk of diminishing your ROI, which is the exact opposite you want. (Remember, your girlfriend expects a nice gift for Christmas) Hold the stock and let’s see if Clay Guide follows suit and cuts to the 145 lb. division like all the other fighters who couldn’t hack it at lightweight.

Benson Henderson – Buy

After his fight-of-the-night win over Clay Guida, Ben Henderson called out UFC lightweight champion Frankie Edgar. Well, sort of. While derailing Guida’s four-fight win streak, Bendo displayed the prowess and aggression that has me convinced he’s a destined to be crowned champion in Japan, should Edgar start out slow as he did in his memorable fights against Gray Maynard. A little money spent now will ensure you pay off the Christmas debt you incurred after visiting her parents. Wait, you didn’t honestly think you’d get out of that one, did you?