Their theory? Miletich is one the schedule for the UFC’s fan expo next week in Las Vegas. Do you know what else is also on the schedule? Pat Miletich’s UFC Hall of Fame induction ceremony. So I guess we shouldn’t call it a rumor so much as it’s either fact or one of the UFC’s web design interns made a huge mistake.
Their theory? Miletich is one the schedule for the UFC’s fan expo next week in Las Vegas. Do you know what else is also on the schedule? Pat Miletich’s UFC Hall of Fame induction ceremony. So I guess we shouldn’t call it a rumor so much as it’s either fact or one of the UFC’s web design interns made a huge mistake.
If true, this would be a tremendous boon for the UFC’s Hall of Fame–which is currently little more than Dana White‘s equivalent of a Myspace Top 8 (yes, a Myspace reference). Inducting Miletich–the first-ever UFC welterweight champ and one of the most notable coaches of his day with Miletich Fighting Systems–into the UFC Hall of Fame would bestow some much-needed legitimacy on the institution after White promised to induct the likes of Bobby Southworth and Jason Thacker earlier this month.
And by the way, is it a coincidence that the day CagePotato publishes the 95 Theses of MMA (one of which decries leaving legitimate legends out of the UFC) is the same day we find out about the UFC’s conciliatory nature towards Miletich? We don’t think so…
If/when Miletich is inducted, we’ll be sure to brief you with the details.
(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)
In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!
Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…
(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)
In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!
Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…
(Generic nu-metal riffs? Erotic stretching? This is just like MMA!Anyway, the action starts around the 2:11 mark.)
(And they have promotional rankings, too. Ultimate Surrender is more legitimate than I thought.)
(Wow, the voice on that blonde girl. I’d listen to her trash-talk me all day.)
(No fair, that tattooed chick looks like she actually knows how to grapple. You expect me to masturbate to a squash match?)
(I don’t care if the instructor is a fraud — *this* is the BJJ school I want to belong to.)
Six more videos await you on page 2. You know you want it.
The MMA world peered at Tyron Woodley‘s ass and saw “DUDE WIPES” emblazoned across his most private chasm. In that moment, an MMA meme was born.
Dude Wipes, in some ways, are the ultimate expression of the ridiculous Dude-Bro culture ingrained in MMA–or that marketers think is ingrained in MMA. Whether through derision, revulsion, or legitimate curiosity, Dude Wipes became one of the top trends on Twitter during the fights. While some were happy to simply laugh at Dude Wipes and write them off as some kind of oddity, CagePotato wanted to know more. Myself and everyone else on the CagePotato editorial staff will never let it be said we won’t go to any heights (or depths) to the get stories that matter most to MMA. Dude Wipes, we believed, was one of those stories.
Thus, I went out to Walgreens and Target the morning after UFC 174, but found no Dude Wipes. Dejected, I resorted to making a post about them citing several Amazon reviews. But fate tossed me a life preserver in the shape of a Dude Wipe. Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes, found out about my dilemma and hooked me up. I was excited to get my hands (and butt cheeks) on some Dude Wipes. Check them out:
I also got two wristbands that say “Fresh ass dude” and “#DudeWipes” on them; they’re shown in the video.
So how did they measure up to my expectations? Find out after the jump.
(Unboxing the care package Dude Wipes sent CagePotato. Thanks, Dude Products!)
The MMA world peered at Tyron Woodley‘s ass and saw “DUDE WIPES” emblazoned across his most private chasm. In that moment, an MMA meme was born.
Dude Wipes, in some ways, are the ultimate expression of the ridiculous Dude-Bro culture ingrained in MMA–or that marketers think is ingrained in MMA. Whether through derision, revulsion, or legitimate curiosity, Dude Wipes became one of the top trends on Twitter during the fights. While some were happy to simply laugh at Dude Wipes and write them off as some kind of oddity, CagePotato wanted to know more. Myself and everyone else on the CagePotato editorial staff will never let it be said we won’t go to any heights (or depths) to the get stories that matter most to MMA. Dude Wipes, we believed, was one of those stories.
Thus, I went out to Walgreens and Target the morning after UFC 174, but found no Dude Wipes. Dejected, I resorted to making a post about them citing several Amazon reviews. But fate tossed me a life preserver in the shape of a Dude Wipe. Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes, found out about my dilemma and hooked me up. I was excited to get my hands (and butt cheeks) on some Dude Wipes. Check them out:
I also got two wristbands that say “Fresh ass dude” and “#DudeWipes” on them; they’re shown in the video.
So how did they measure up to my expectations?
I talk about it a bit in the above video detailing my initial reaction to them, but I hadn’t used them at that point. That video was just an appetizer.
After filming, I made sure to put myself into two distinct scenarios where Dude Wipes would be most useful: A bout of so-called “mud butt” diarrhea and an episode of excessive sweat–both without possibility of showering afterwards.
I trekked up to Taco Bell, America’s greatest guarantor of gastrointestinal malaise, and ordered enough fuel to give the bathroom at Castle CagePotato a new paint job. I especially liked the new Quesarito dish they have. I ordered mine without sour cream and chipotle sauce. I also indulged in a churro for good measure. Delicious.
Within an hour or two, the whirring of my intestines let me know I’d need my Dude Wipes soon. I’ll spare you the next set of details.
Once the intestinal aftershocks from the Taco Bell subsided, I broke out my bike and rode it around long enough to break out into a good sweat–and then some. I got back home, whipped out some Dude Wipes, and pretended I was a 13-year-old in gym class who was too shy to use the showers. The Dude Wipes performed well enough here. I definitely felt fresher from them.
Final Impression:
Some might say Dude Wipes are a needlessly gendered product. They’re right, but it doesn’t have to be this way. My biggest complaint about the Dude Wipes is that there’s nothing “Dude” about them outside of the sleek, modern, masculine packaging. They’d be great if they smelled like, I don’t know, cologne? Let me put it another way: After I use a Dude Wipe, I want to feel like a 7-foot tall lumberjack who just fucked the prom queen. I didn’t necessarily feel that way after I used them yesterday.
Furthermore, after the Taco Bell’s migration out of my colon, I was really pumped up to see how Dude Wipes would perform, only for them to be indistinguishable from baby wipes. It’d be in their best interest to make their product standout rather than just the angle at which the product is marketed.
Dude Wipes, from what I can tell, are aiming to simultaneously fulfill the functions of both baby wipes and deodorant body spray. They want to create a product that can freshen you up (either after a nasty crap or just when you’re sweaty/dirty but can’t shower) and also make you smell manly. While it succeeds in making you feel clean–I wanted to wear my “clean ass dude” wristband with pride because I was a clean ass dude thanks to the Dude Wipes–it leaves a bit to be desired in the smell manly part.
To reiterate: I would quite like Dude Wipes if they had a good–but not overpowering–masculine scent.
In terms of pure function, Dude Wipes work fine. The “crib edition” is essentially a pack of baby wipes, however. Still, their individualized, portable wipes are extremely handy and discreet. I’ll definitely be bringing a handful with me every day before I go to work as long as I have them.
TLDR: Dude Wipes has the wipes part down but needs to work on the dude aspect. Nevertheless, they can be pretty convenient. Pick up one of the to-go packs containing 30 Dude Wipes and see how you like them. You never know when diarrhea will rear it’s ugly, malformed, liquidy, corn-flecked head!
(Can you not see the hydrochlorothiazide COURSING THROUGH HIS VEINS??? / Photo via Getty)
Louis Gaudinot‘s 73-second submission win over Phil Harris at UFC Fight Night 37 has been overturned into a no contest. This comes off the back of Gaudinot’s drug test failure; he tested positive for the banned diuretic hydrochlorothiazide. As the event took place in the UK, it was the UFC that handed him a six month suspension rather than an athletic commission.
Gaudinot issued a statement not long after the news of his drug test failure and suspension broke…
(Can you not see the hydrochlorothiazide COURSING THROUGH HIS VEINS??? / Photo via Getty)
Louis Gaudinot‘s 73-second submission win over Phil Harris at UFC Fight Night 37 has been overturned into a no contest. This comes off the back of Gaudinot’s drug test failure; he tested positive for the banned diuretic hydrochlorothiazide. As the event took place in the UK, it was the UFC that handed him a six month suspension rather than an athletic commission.
Gaudinot issued a statement not long after the news of his drug test failure and suspension broke:
I have great respect for the UFC, the sport of MMA, and my opponent. I would never do anything to disrespect any of them. I would also never do anything to tarnish my name, my teammates, and family. While I deny any wrongdoing, I will respect the decision of the UFC and look forward to getting back in the cage in pursuit of the UFC flyweight championship. I thank my family, teammates and fans for their support.
A bit of a bummer, we were hoping for Dennis Siverlevels of palpable guilt but instead we just got a generic “I didn’t do it but I’m not gonna fight it because I actually did do it” answer. Gaudinot, a flyweight, is now 6-3 (1) in his MMA career. Before fighting Harris, he was coming off a disappointing decision loss to Phil Harris. With the suspension, Gaudinot won’t be able to grace the Octagon again until September. Harris now has a sterling record of 22-11 (2). The had UFC justifiably shit-canned Harris after the fight, but have apparently brought him back to face Neil Seery at UFC Fight Night 46 next month. As Nick Diaz would say, “It’s whatever.”
No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:
Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor’s note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls.
If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.
Dude Products even created some promotional material:
Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).
So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.
Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews…
(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via DudeProducts.com)
No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:
Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor’s note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls.
If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.
Dude Products even created some promotional materials:
Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).
So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.
Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews:
What a great product. Very functional, discreet, and effective. A perfect cure for male “swamp-ass”! . I highly recommended this product. Especially great for boating or camping. – Link.
After receiving this product as a grab bag gift, I am in love. As another reviewer put it, this is not just an after bathroom wipe. I have used the Wipe to stay fresh after the gym, after toiling away in the attic fighting with Christmas decorations and running with the dog. The Dude Wipes clean and refresh my face, my armpits and of course, the “under-carriage”. I have bought more of the Wipes and will NOT be giving them away anytime soon. Throw one in your pocket, your gym bag, your luggage and your overnight bag. You will not regret it. – Link
Soft on me booty and booty hole like angels made of feathers were playing sqaush in me outback the whole time – Link
Exactly what I was looking for. I run half marathons, and I do wear thicker underwear. This product gives me that extra clean filling, and confidence I want when sitting around after a race just chatting with friends. Take one pouch put it in my front pocket, and no one notices it. After race excuse myself to the rest room, and freshen up with just one packet. Yes I do recommend this for anyone from tailgating to actually competing in an event. – Link
I love dude wipes and have been using for over 9 months. I took them to Korea when it was really humid and they fit great in the wallet and perfect for a quick cleanup or mudbutt incidents. I wish the smell was a little less baby wipe ish but other than that great price and quality. – Link
But not all reviewers felt Dude Wipes left their butt holes sparkling clean:
With the nice modern image and masculine name, I expected a wipe that would have some sort of masculine scent to it. Upon receipt, I was surprised to find out they smell very much like an baby wipe. Not worth it. – Link
packaging looks great but the scent is not manly at all. Its like they repackaged women’s wet wipes. I imagined a larger wet wipe that has a manly cologne. – Link
I’ve rated these wipes so low, because they are the exact same flushable wipes you can buy in the walmart aisle for 97 cents. I thought it would be a nice thing to have just get you through to the next shower if you’re on the go and not in anyone’s personal space, but these are really just for wiping your backside post-defecation. Only ten bucks, but don’t waste your money. The description says for wiping your… FACE!? pre and post workout. True, it probably won’t kill you, but I expected more. (I think Old Spice used to make something closer to what I was looking for that I would use after gym class in high school, but these are NOT THAT!).. just some classic “butt wipes” that they’ve apparently mislabeled (intentionally or unintentionally). Just to further my point:
The back of the box says, “Still wiping with just toilet paper and putting yourself through a daily dose of torture?”
The product arrived in an unmarked clear plastic bag, quantity 100 bulk plasti-foil packs, so you will have to find a storage container for about a half gallon’s volume. My frame of reference was the Cottonnelle individual packs I have used for years. Nothing like going through life with two packs in your left front pocket to ensure a day filled with only good experiences. The Dude Wipes are the same size, and will fit the pocket the same way. The fragrance is non-offensive, like Cottonnelle. They say they are flushable but make no septic systems claim, while Cottonnelle does say they are septic tank compatible. Dude Wipes cost me more and I don’t see any reason to prefer them. I do think the wrap is more macho manly that the cute Cottonnelle Golden Retriever puppy, but this is a function I always take care of in solitude….
Less functional with no advantages and a higher cost. My last purchase of this product. –Link
After reading all the reviews, Dude Wipes–as an idea–seem like a convenience guys could use. As a product, however, they appear to be an overpriced marketing gimmick aimed that the kind of Dude Bros who watch MMA (or at least used to watch MMA back during the boom). Still, we’re going to reserve judgement until we can actually get our hands (and butt cheeks) on a set of them. And like we said, the ad placement on Woodley’s butt got the product trending on Twitter, and even got us to write an article about it. So hats off to Dude Wipes, arguably the most successful bizarre sponsor in MMA since Dynamic Fastener.
On a more serious note, what does it say about the UFC’s product when a glorified baby wipe is drawing more attention than the fights?
The Telegraph reports that Pearson and his head coach Eric Del Fierro officially filed a complaint with the New Mexico Athletic Commission after the fight. It almost definitely won’t be overturned, however. Once home cooking has been scarfed down, it’s not likely to be thrown back up (unless it’s a quail egg). Dana White hasn’t issued any kind of rant (or incredulous defense of) the decision. He’ll probably just ignore it.
Pearson was coming off a no contest via illegal knee against Melvin Guillard back in late October. Prior to that he had beaten Ryan Couture and George Sotiropoulos. With the questionable bullshit split decision win, Sanchez snaps a two-fight losing streak.
We’ll post any updates as we get them. Until then, try to make the most of what’s left of the weekend, Potato Nation.
. I highly recommended this product. Especially great for boating or camping. – 