Well, we warned you. Bellator ring girl Jade Bryce has returned for another installment of “MMA Impressions” for CagePotato.com, in which she gives her own unique take on these classic victory celebrations:
Well, we warned you. Bellator ring girl Jade Bryce has returned for another installment of “MMA Impressions” for CagePotato.com, in which she gives her own unique take on these classic victory celebrations:
(For ten years, Rampage has been haunted by the memory of that brutal photo-bombing. And on November 2nd, he’ll have his revenge. Bellator 106: Bitter Homeboys, only on pay-per-view.)
This, of course, isn’t the case. The UFC has put on several PPVs whose main events rival Rampage-Ortiz in outright shittyness. For some reason, those PPVs didn’t draw the media’s collective derision like Rampage-Ortiz did. (It’s almost as if the mainstream MMA media is being coerced by some powerful, credential-wielding force…) But that’s OK; CagePotato is here to bring those terrible main events to justice.
So just what has the UFC given us to watch on Saturday nights that was as bad as the upcoming Rampage-Ortiz train wreck? Let’s have a look.
People might not agree with this pick, but Ortiz-Griffin II was an awful main event. By 2009, Ortiz wasn’t important enough to pay for — no matter who he was fighting. Going into the fight with Forrest Griffin, he was 1-2-1 in his last four fights, with his only win coming against Ken Shamrock in 2006. Tito’s best days were far behind him. In fact, he hadn’t beaten anyone NOT named Ken Shamrock since 2006 (and, coincidentally, it was Forrest Griffin who he beat).
Griffin, too, had whatever the opposite of “a head of steam” is going into UFC 106. Rashad Evans embarrassed him at UFC 92, taking the light heavyweight belt in the process. But what Evans did to him seemed tame compared to the legendary beat down that Anderson Silva bestowed on Griffin at UFC 101.
Put these ruts together and you get an overpriced PPV — $60 to watch two guys who would never be relevant again.
(For ten years, Rampage has been haunted by the memory of that brutal photo-bombing. And on November 2nd, he’ll have his revenge. Bellator 106: Bitter Homeboys, only on pay-per-view.)
This, of course, isn’t the case. The UFC has put on several PPVs whose main events rival Rampage-Ortiz in outright shittyness. For some reason, those PPVs didn’t draw the media’s collective derision like Rampage-Ortiz did. (It’s almost as if the mainstream MMA media is being coerced by some powerful, credential-wielding force…) But that’s OK; CagePotato is here to bring those terrible main events to justice.
So just what has the UFC given us to watch on Saturday nights that was as bad as the upcoming Rampage-Ortiz train wreck? Let’s have a look.
People might not agree with this pick, but Ortiz-Griffin II was an awful main event. By 2009, Ortiz wasn’t important enough to pay for — no matter who he was fighting. Going into the fight with Forrest Griffin, he was 1-2-1 in his last four fights, with his only win coming against Ken Shamrock in 2006. Tito’s best days were far behind him. In fact, he hadn’t beaten anyone NOT named Ken Shamrock since 2006 (and, coincidentally, it was Forrest Griffin who he beat).
Griffin, too, had whatever the opposite of “a head of steam” is going into UFC 106. Rashad Evans embarrassed him at UFC 92, taking the light heavyweight belt in the process. But what Evans did to him seemed tame compared to the legendary beat down that Anderson Silva bestowed on Griffin at UFC 101.
Put these ruts together and you get an overpriced PPV — $60 to watch two guys who would never be relevant again.
If you ever find yourself in a pro-Zuffa state of mind, remember this: They asked people to pay FULL PRICE for UFC 109: Relentless, a card that featured Randy Couture vs. what fans thought was a real-live White Walker (turns out that it was just ancient, broke Mark Coleman).
Everything involving Mark Coleman’s second UFC run in 2009-2010 was atrocious — save for his win over confirmed cheater Stephan Bonnar, which was hilarious. For real though, bringing Coleman back in 2009 was like bringing Tank Abbott back in 2003, it was a bad idea that damaged the UFC’s product and made them look like idiots. As for Couture, he was coming off a win over Brandon Vera, but at that point being able to beat Brandon Vera wasn’t much of an accomplishment.
This main event belonged in a nursing home. Sensing this fact, the UFC tried to market it as the ULTIMATE WAR OF LEGENDZ!11!! Kind of graceless, if you ask us, it’s also reeks of the same sort of desperate vibe that Bellator’s Rampage-Ortiz does.
In UFC 115’s defense, it could’ve been a lot worse.
The main event was scheduled to be Chuck Liddell-Tito Ortiz III. A third fight between the two men really wasn’t necessary since Liddell had won the previous two in convincing fashion. However, Chuck was in desperate need of a win after suffering two knockouts that were so bad they could’ve been Mortal Kombat fatalities. Therefore, Dana booked a fight that his BFF Chuck had a good chance of winning. He put Chuck and Tito on a new season of TUF and scheduled a faceoff between the two at UFC 115. Unfortunately, one of Tito’s millions of nagging injuries forced him to withdraw from the fight.
In his place, we got a Rich Franklin who’s face had just recovered from having Vitor Belfort’s fists planted into it repeatedly back at UFC 103.
So, at UFC 115 we were supposed to get a fight where neither guy had contended for a title in years and were never going to again but we ended up getting…a fight where neither guy had contended for a title in years and were never going to again — kind of like what we’re gonna see on Bellator’s first PPV.
Wanderlei Silva vs. Rich Franklin wasn’t a great idea for a fight in 2009. It was an even worse one in 2012. It was such a bad idea that, after the fight card was shuffled and the UFC settled on bumping Silva-Franklin II to main event, the UFC offered refunds for people who bought tickets before the card became something that belonged on AXS.tv and not on PPV. This main event was so lackluster that UFC 147 drew the fewest buys of any PPV in the Zuffa era at an estimated 140,000 — pathetic for a promotion the size of the UFC.
Like with Liddell vs. Franklin, Wanderlei Silva-Rich Franklin II was a fight where neither fighter had been relevant in years (like Tito and Rampage) nor were they ever going to be meaningful again (like Rampage and Tito).
Did we leave out your least-favorite UFC pay-per-view headliner? Holler at us in the comments section.
(“…and as part of your signing bonus, we’re going to hook you up with a tricked-out, 2014 stretch Winnebago.” Photo props: Bellator MMA via mmanytt.se)
Viacom is expected to announce plans to go head-to-head with pay-per-view juggernaut Zuffa LLC and its UFC 168 offering at next week’s Bellator 97 event on Spike TV.
An unveiling of Bellator fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s plans with the promotion will likely include a pay-per-view boxing match with former multi-division boxing champ Roy Jones Jr., multiple sources close to the event today told MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com).
The fight is expected to take place at the end of the year, though a date and weight class for the bout could not immediately be confirmed. It’s also unclear how the event will be branded given Bellator and parent company Viacom’s focus on MMA.
“We’ve been talking to Roy and his people over a potential ‘Rampage’ vs. Roy fight for over seven months,” a representative from Jackson’s longtime team, Wolfslair MMA, told MMAjunkie.com. The rep requested anonymity due to the ongoing negotiations related to the matchup.
“If it happens, it would be an incredible fight,” the rep said. “Boxing and MMA have both been discussed, and (Bellator Chairman and CEO) Bjorn (Rebney) has been in these discussions every step of the way. I can’t say much more than that. We’ll see what happens.”
Bellator MMA officials declined to comment on the possible event.
Alright, two things…
(“…and as part of your signing bonus, we’re going to hook you up with a tricked-out, 2014 stretch Winnebago.” Photo props: Bellator MMA via mmanytt.se)
Viacom is expected to announce plans to go head-to-head with pay-per-view juggernaut Zuffa LLC and its UFC 168 offering at next week’s Bellator 97 event on Spike TV.
An unveiling of Bellator fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s plans with the promotion will likely include a pay-per-view boxing match with former multi-division boxing champ Roy Jones Jr., multiple sources close to the event today told MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com).
The fight is expected to take place at the end of the year, though a date and weight class for the bout could not immediately be confirmed. It’s also unclear how the event will be branded given Bellator and parent company Viacom’s focus on MMA.
“We’ve been talking to Roy and his people over a potential ‘Rampage’ vs. Roy fight for over seven months,” a representative from Jackson’s longtime team, Wolfslair MMA, told MMAjunkie.com. The rep requested anonymity due to the ongoing negotiations related to the matchup.
“If it happens, it would be an incredible fight,” the rep said. “Boxing and MMA have both been discussed, and (Bellator Chairman and CEO) Bjorn (Rebney) has been in these discussions every step of the way. I can’t say much more than that. We’ll see what happens.”
Bellator MMA officials declined to comment on the possible event.
Alright, two things…
– Although the Junkie report suggests that the Rampage vs. RJJ match could go head-to-head with UFC 168, it would be promotional suicide to put this stunt-fight up against a UFC event that features the Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman rematch and Ronda Rousey’s next appearance against Miesha Tate. Viacom is crazy — crazy enough to hire Rampage Jackson, at least — but surely they’re not that crazy. At the moment, the latest 2013 date without a fight event already scheduled is December 7th.
– I’ll just state the obvious: The only purpose of this boxing match is to screw with the UFC. Anderson Silva and Roy Jones Jr. have been going back and forth about a potential boxing match for over five years, and Jones even flew out to Las Vegas for UFC 162 to discuss it with UFC president Dana White. But now that Silva torpedoed every UFC super-fight possibility by losing to Weidman, Bellator is locking RJJ down for a boxing match on their turf. Well played, you devious bastards.
Until we hear Rampage Jackson and Roy Jones announcing that they’ve signed contracts for a certain date, we’re just looking at this as a weird possibility for now. But don’t act like you wouldn’t watch this freak show.
A few days ago, our friends at MiddleEasy were kind enough to let the MMA world know some earth-shattering news: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was going to be starring in his own comic book, Rampage Jackson: Street Soldier.
The comic’s premise? Rampage gets superpowers from a meteorite and then goes around fighting crime. Seriously, that’s it. The cage-fighter best known for dry-humping female reporters and tigers is now a superhero. However, one area where Lion Forge, the comic’s publisher, might run into trouble is coming up with storylines. Rampage’s comic will need story arcs and bad guys and other things. Fortunately for them, we at CagePotato have given this some thought.
What have we come up with? Check it out!
Villains:
Dana Wight: An evil business mogul who harbors a terrible secret — he’s a soulless zombie that’s attempting to convert the entire MMA world into his own undead army. Dana Wight uses his billions of dollars to thwart Rampage Jackson’s efforts at improving the world. Wight consistently tries to pay Rampage off but he never realizes one important, in-no-way-false fact: Rampage Jackson is not for sale!
The Crimson Singlet: The Crimson Singlet will be one of Rampage’s worst foes. Rampage’s feud with the Crimson Singlet is fueled by the fact that he and Rampage used to be on the same wrestling team. Rampage abandoned the tenets of wrestling while the Crimson Singlet embraced them. Did Rampage betray the Crimson Singlet or did the Crimson Singlet betray Rampage? The comic book can tackle this complicated, psychological issue. What makes this story more exciting is that the Crimson Singlet is, obviously, a master of Rampage’s weakness — wrestling.
(This is an actual thing that’s happening. Image courtesy of Lion Forge Comics via TitoCouture.com)
A few days ago, our friends at MiddleEasy were kind enough to let the MMA world know some earth-shattering news: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was going to be starring in his own comic book, Rampage Jackson: Street Soldier.
The comic’s premise? Rampage gets superpowers from a meteorite and then goes around fighting crime. Seriously, that’s it. The cage-fighter best known for dry-humping female reporters and tigers is now a superhero. However, one area where Lion Forge, the comic’s publisher, might run into trouble is coming up with storylines. Rampage’s comic will need story arcs and bad guys and other things. Fortunately for them, we at CagePotato have given this some thought.
What have we come up with? Check it out!
Villains:
Dana Wight: An evil business mogul who harbors a terrible secret — he’s a soulless zombie that’s attempting to convert the entire MMA world into his own undead army. Dana Wight uses his billions of dollars to thwart Rampage Jackson’s efforts at improving the world. Wight consistently tries to pay Rampage off but he never realizes one important, in-no-way-false fact: Rampage Jackson is not for sale!
The Crimson Singlet: The Crimson Singlet will be one of Rampage’s worst foes. Rampage’s feud with the Crimson Singlet is fueled by the fact that he and Rampage used to be on the same wrestling team. Rampage abandoned the tenets of wrestling while the Crimson Singlet embraced them. Did Rampage betray the Crimson Singlet or did the Crimson Singlet betray Rampage? The comic book can tackle this complicated, psychological issue. What makes this story more exciting is that the Crimson Singlet is, obviously, a master of Rampage’s weakness — wrestling.
The Swagger Jacker: The Swagger Jacker is more of a minor annoyance to Rampage rather than a real threat. He just goes around stealing people’s swag, acting like it was his swag the entire time.
The League of Keyboard Assassins: Not one enemy, but an army of them. The League of Keyboard Assassins is a constant threat to Rampage. They always criticize his actions and manipulate the media into portraying Rampage’s acts of heroism as villainous.
Sidekicks/Other Characters:
Ariel Hekwani: Rampage’s sidekick and comic foil.
King Bo: Another street soldier who, initially, used to be enemies with Rampage. Now, they both help each other out.
Njal Rebneb: The kind-hearted millionaire who bankrolls Rampage’s crime-fighting operations.
Storylines:
Issue 1: Rampage escapes the contractual clutches of Dana Wight. When Wight learns that Rampage is planning to tell the world about his evil plans for worldwide zombie domination, he enlists the help of the Crimson Singlet in order to silence Rampage for good. The Crimson Singlet beats Rampage in combat time after time. Rampage contemplates what it means to be a Street Soldier. As he considers giving up on one starry night after a battle with the Crimson Singlet, a meteor lands in his backyard, giving him superpowers and a better sprawl. He finally beats the Crimson Singlet and lets the world know about Dana Wight’s secret.
Issue 2: The Swagger Jacker steals Ariel Hekwani’s neon green shoes. Rampage defeats the Swagger Jacker but refuses to return the shoes to Hekwani because they’re ugly. Instead, he takes him on a shopping trip, teaches him what it means to be a true alpha, and offers him a breath-mint. Also in this issue, Njal Rebneb introduces himself to Rampage and finances the construction of a monster truck fit for a Street Soldier.
Issue 3: It turns out that Rampage’s efforts to expose Dana Wight’s zombie-ness and his plans to zombify the world were all for naught. The League of Keyboard Assassins discredited Rampage, making many people not believe his tale. Rampage attempts to fight off the out-of-shape writers and forum posters, but he’s overwhelmed. He seeks the help of King Bo, another anti-League of Keyboard Assassins fighter, to defeat the organization.
As silly as this stuff may sound, you can bet that the actual reality of a comic book about Quinton Jackson fighting crime after catching superpowers from a meteorite will be far more ridiculous. Do you have any better ideas for the comic? Go nuts in the comments section.
If watching two dudes stare ominously at each other from inches away whilst using a microphone to communicate is your thing, then BOY DO WE HAVE A VIDEO FOR YOU.
After signing a dual contract with Bellator and TNA wrestling ala Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal earlier this week, former UFC light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson made his big debut with the latter last night. And if he was hoping that being a professional MMA fighter would earn him some of that “respect” he’s always talking about in the world of wrasslin’, he was…right, we guess? Rampage could barely get out one of his signature howls before being challenged by Kurt Angle (a.k.a “Koba“) — a close-talker if there ever was one — who vehemently declared that Page “get off his plane” or some such nonsense. This lead to a heated staredown which ended with Page laying the smackdown on Kurt’s candy ass shaking Angle’s hand like a gentleman??!
Jesus, if we ever needed any evidence that Rampage has truly lost the fire, this is it. The Rampage of old would have at least promised us some “black on white” crime before commenting on Angle’s stank bref. Pour one out for a fallen friend, Potato Nation…
If watching two dudes stare ominously at each other from inches away whilst using a microphone to communicate is your thing, then BOY DO WE HAVE A VIDEO FOR YOU.
After signing a dual contract with Bellator and TNA wrestling ala Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal earlier this week, former UFC light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson made his big debut with the latter last night. And if he was hoping that being a professional MMA fighter would earn him some of that “respect” he’s always talking about in the world of wrasslin’, he was…right, we guess? Rampage could barely get out one of his signature howls before being challenged by Kurt Angle (a.k.a “Koba“) — a close-talker if there ever was one — who vehemently declared that Page “get off his plane” or some such nonsense. This lead to a heated staredown which ended with Page laying the smackdown on Kurt’s candy ass shaking Angle’s hand like a gentleman??!
Jesus, if we ever needed any evidence that Rampage has truly lost the fire, this is it. The Rampage of old would have at least promised us some “black on white” crime before commenting on Angle’s stank bref. Pour one out for a fallen friend, Potato Nation…
I keep repeating the name out loud, hoping to dredge up some semblance of the physical being who once inhabited that moniker, of the powerbombing, ref-pranking, good time-having brawler who was feared the world over, but all I’m left with are the memories of a bitter, perpetually lamentingtransexual rapist and peddler of millipede-shaped death shoes. Tis a cruel mistress, this thing we call time.
Although we’ve had our fun mocking Page’s downward spiral from the sidelines over the years, we truly (and somewhat secretly) have been holding onto the hope that we would one day see the Rampage of old — the aforementioned jive-talking world-beater — back in action whenever he finally found a promotion that “appreciates him.”
Well good news, Potato Nation, as it appears that Rampage has finally found said promotion…in Bellator.
According to those same sources, Jackson’s new deal will be similar to the one Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal signed with the promotion last year, which gave him the opportunity to appear on TNA Impact Wrestling programming on Spike TV. Jackson has flirted with the idea of pursuing a pro wrestling career in the past, and it seems as though he will soon get a chance to showcase himself as a sports entertainer.
Jackson’s Bellator debut has yet to be finalized, but a fall date appears to be a possibility. Bellator would not confirm the new contract when contacted by MMAFighting.com.
(Shoe of the future or electric razor of the future? You decide. Photo via Fighterxfashion.com)
I keep repeating the name out loud, hoping to dredge up some semblance of the physical being who once inhabited that moniker, of the powerbombing, ref-pranking, good time-having brawler who was feared the world over, but all I’m left with are the memories of a bitter, perpetually lamentingtransexual rapist and peddler of millipede-shaped death shoes. Tis a cruel mistress, this thing we call time.
Although we’ve had our fun mocking Page’s downward spiral from the sidelines over the years, we truly (and somewhat secretly) have been holding onto the hope that we would one day see the Rampage of old — the aforementioned jive-talking world-beater — back in action whenever he finally found a promotion that “appreciates him.”
Well good news, Potato Nation, as it appears that Rampage has finally found said promotion…in Bellator.
According to those same sources, Jackson’s new deal will be similar to the one Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal signed with the promotion last year, which gave him the opportunity to appear on TNA Impact Wrestling programming on Spike TV. Jackson has flirted with the idea of pursuing a pro wrestling career in the past, and it seems as though he will soon get a chance to showcase himself as a sports entertainer.
Jackson’s Bellator debut has yet to be finalized, but a fall date appears to be a possibility. Bellator would not confirm the new contract when contacted by MMAFighting.com.
The irony of this situation is overwhelming, to be quite honest — here’s a guy who has been complaining for years about the dirty, lowball shit the UFC has been pulling on him, and what does he do? Sign with the promotion that seemingly cannot go a week without having one of their own fighterspublicly rake them over the coals for their repeatedly shady business practices. Surely a great deluge of grievances and accusations is upon us.
It has only been a handful of months since Jackson ended his UFC contract on a surprisingly high note at UFC on FOX 6 (despite the fact that he lost his third straight fight to Glover Teixeira, I should say), yet it feels like it has been an eternity since we have seen the Rampage we all came to know and love in the spotlight. While I think it’s safe to say that that Rampage is dead and buried, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued to see who Bellator pairs him off with first. Any other takers?
