Don Frye told us that he’d be back after his UFC 168 installment of “Predator’s Predictions”, and since the only lie he ever told was that he’d call your mother the next day, “The Predator” has returned with UFC 169 in his crosshairs this time around.
What’s that, you say? There’s actually a different UFC event going down this weekend on Fox? THE PREDATOR HAS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR MIDDLING CABLE TV CARDS. And if you don’t like how he does business, he’s sure there’s a Designing Women marathon with your name on it playing somewhere, bud.
After opening up this edition of “Predator’s Predictions” by alienating his dissenters as pathetic girlie-men and thanking Seth Macfarlane for bringing back Brian on Family Guy, Frye launches right into his usual mix of whiskey-soaked predictions and occasionally misogynistic insights. A few highlights:
–On Dominick Cruz’s latest injury: “I didn’t know Cruz had a groin.”
–On Ali Bagautinov: “Ali…Boobanov. He’s like the Tazmanian Devil on crack.”
–On Ricardo Lamas: “I remember Lorenzo from the hit TV show Renegade 17 years ago.”
–-On Ricardo Lamas, again: “You say that your favorite technique is ‘whatever wins me the fight.’ In your fight against Jose Aldo, I might recommend a baseball bat or a gun.”
–-On Renan Barao: “He looks like Veeter Belfort’s mini-me.”
If your voice doesn’t drop three octaves after watching this video, you’re either a eunuch or already dead.
Don Frye told us that he’d be back after his UFC 168 installment of “Predator’s Predictions”, and since the only lie he ever told was that he’d call your mother the next day, “The Predator” has returned with UFC 169 in his crosshairs this time around.
What’s that, you say? There’s actually a different UFC event going down this weekend on Fox? THE PREDATOR HAS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR MIDDLING CABLE TV CARDS. And if you don’t like how he does business, he’s sure there’s a Designing Women marathon with your name on it playing somewhere, bud.
After opening up this edition of “Predator’s Predictions” by alienating his dissenters as pathetic girlie-men and thanking Seth Macfarlane for bringing back Brian on Family Guy, Frye launches right into his usual mix of whiskey-soaked predictions and occasionally misogynistic insights. A few highlights:
–On Dominick Cruz’s latest injury: “I didn’t know Cruz had a groin.”
–On Ali Bagautinov: “Ali…Boobanov. He’s like the Tazmanian Devil on crack.”
–On Ricardo Lamas: “I remember Lorenzo from the hit TV show Renegade 17 years ago.”
–-On Ricardo Lamas, again: ”You say that your favorite technique is ‘whatever wins me the fight.’ In your fight against Jose Aldo, I might recommend a baseball bat or a gun.”
–-On Renan Barao: “He looks like Veeter Belfort’s mini-me.”
If your voice doesn’t drop three octaves after watching this video, you’re either a eunuch or already dead.
CagePotato has allowed me to write an article for its legion of reprobates and cretins — well, in the eyes of some leading industry figures anyway — and I’d like to use this opportunity to issue an open letter to our second-favourite, no wait third-favourite, ahh fuck it, one of the manystoners in MMA, Matt “Deep Waters” Riddle. Matt and I shared a brief moment in time last year, and I want to publicly apologise to him for my actions that night. Hopefully, I didn’t wreck his career.
Allow me to introduce myself and set the scene a little. Initially you may notice my vocabulary may be a bit different. This is due to myself being a typicalLimeywanker. So I’ll clear a few things up though before I proceed: I can’t stand tea in any form, in no way are my teeth perfect but they’re not bad either, I think Bisping is awesome, I’m fully aware I may be writing this in German were it not for The US of A’s (late) involvement in WW2, I also whole-heartedly apologise on behalf of my country for this this twat and I am quite susceptible to the lay‘N’pray strategy. But I digress.
So let’s rewind back to February 16th, 2013, to the Barao vs McDonald card at the Wembley Arena in London. Now the UFC only comes to my little island once or twice a year and normally brings with it a pretty sub-standard card in terms of name recognition. So, me and my band of merry men turn it into a bit of a “boys” weekend and end up in all types of debauchery, eventually returning home with our tails between our legs and feeling rougher than a badger’s arsehole.
This particular card is pretty much a drunken haze, and I can only remember pieces of it. The Snake’s leg internally combusting. Watson repeatedly kneeing Nedkov. During the Poirier/Swanson fight, there was an equally good fight going on in the stands. (In the third round, Swanson put his hand to his ear thinking the crowd was cheering him, but in actual fact the crowd was cheering the huge fella raining down bombs on some poor twat.) And a delightful member of bar staff named Shaniqua who had tickled my fancy and was evidently turned off by how unbelievably twatted I was.
It was at UFC 138 where we discovered that, at UK events at least, the UFC puts the fighters in the closest Hilton Hotel to the event stadium. So for each event we go to, we always head to the nearest Hilton and have our post-fight/pre-club drinks there. After this particular card, the strategy paid off in droves.
(Photo courtesy of the author.)
By George Tibbles
CagePotato has allowed me to write an article for its legion of reprobates and cretins — well, in the eyes of some leading industry figures anyway — and I’d like to use this opportunity to issue an open letter to our second-favourite, no wait third-favourite, ahh fuck it, one of the manystoners in MMA, Matt “Deep Waters” Riddle. Matt and I shared a brief moment in time last year, and I want to publicly apologise to him for my actions that night. Hopefully, I didn’t wreck his career.
Allow me to introduce myself and set the scene a little. Initially you may notice my vocabulary may be a bit different. This is due to myself being a typicalLimeywanker. So I’ll clear a few things up though before I proceed: I can’t stand tea in any form, in no way are my teeth perfect but they’re not bad either, I think Bisping is awesome, I’m fully aware I may be writing this in German were it not for The US of A’s (late) involvement in WW2, I also whole-heartedly apologise on behalf of my country for this this twat and I am quite susceptible to the lay‘N’pray strategy. But I digress.
So let’s rewind back to February 16th, 2013, to the Barao vs McDonald card at the Wembley Arena in London. Now the UFC only comes to my little island once or twice a year and normally brings with it a pretty sub-standard card in terms of name recognition. So, me and my band of merry men turn it into a bit of a “boys” weekend and end up in all types of debauchery, eventually returning home with our tails between our legs and feeling rougher than a badger’s arsehole.
This particular card is pretty much a drunken haze, and I can only remember pieces of it. The Snake’s leg internally combusting. Watson repeatedly kneeing Nedkov. During the Poirier/Swanson fight, there was an equally good fight going on in the stands. (In the third round, Swanson put his hand to his ear thinking the crowd was cheering him, but in actual fact the crowd was cheering the huge fella raining down bombs on some poor twat.) And a delightful member of bar staff named Shaniqua who had tickled my fancy and was evidently turned off by how unbelievably twatted I was.
It was at UFC 138 where we discovered that, at UK events at least, the UFC puts the fighters in the closest Hilton Hotel to the event stadium. So for each event we go to, we always head to the nearest Hilton and have our post-fight/pre-club drinks there. After this particular card, the strategy paid off in droves.
As we went to enter the Wembley Hilton, the concierge arrogantly refused to let us in, as we were showing obvious signs of prior P.E.D. abuse and smelt like the inside of Susan Boyle’s thigh after a particularly intense Zumba class. So we decided to set up camp just outside the entrance and meet as many people as we could before our lift back home arrived.
We were chatting with “One Punch” Pickett when another fighter showed up, and I saw my chance to get past the toffee-nosed prick of a concierge. The fighter in question was Matt Riddle — someone who I know is close friends with Mary, Jane and Doctor Greenthumb. Already feeling fearless due to consuming a violent cocktail of Cuban Rum, Guinness, red wine and combination E numbers even the current British government wouldn’t allow in our now famous Horse Lasagne, I decided to make a daring move.
I casually sauntered over to Matt, reached into my Guinness sodden Levi’s and then pulled out a bag of bud so appetising no self-respecting Ent could refuse it. Particularly an Ent who has just gone fifteen minutes with the “Beautiful One”. So I got the bud and gently cupped it in my hand, proceeded to walk over to Deep Waters, and shouted “Hey Matt can you sign my hand?”. Initially he looked at me all weird, as anyone would do to a fully grown man with pupils the size of dinner plates asking for you to sign his hand. I thought “Oh Shit”; my intoxicated brain had not considered this scenario. I suavely locked eyes with Matt and said assertively, “Just look in my hand Matt.”
As Matt’s eyes slowly started to draw down to my hand I could tell he was expecting there to be a Polaroid of me in ladies underwear, a knife, or just something generally unpleasant. Then it happened, he locked eyes with my green nugget of hunger inducing goodness and gave me a wry smirk (phew!). He then told me to follow him up to his room and told the concierge we were his brothers. As I walked past the concierge I flipped him the Stockton Heybuddy and we were in. Jurassic park!
Once in Matt’s room I started to roll up. Just as I was finishing rolling I asked Matt if he was coming out for a smoke. Matt told me he couldn’t smoke as he hadn’t spoken to Dana yet, who normally comes to congratulate him after his wins, and he definitely didn’t want to be having that conversation while high as a kite. We sat down, talked and drank a nice quantity of liquor, and spoke for a while about his previous marijuana suspension. Matt proudly proclaimed he hadn’t smoked anything for over a full month before his fight with Che Mills, talked about when he won a wrestling competition that Jon Jones was in, about how he learned most of his technique in the early days from BJ Penn’s books, and generally was a down to earth guy who seemed sincerely grateful and surprised he still had fans in the UK after the “butter toothed Brits” comment. What you see is what you get with Matt; he really was exactly as he comes across in press conferences and on TUF.
(A short video from the night in question, courtesy of the author.)
Now this is where my apology comes into play. I have a problem when I’m drunk and that problem is irrational Kleptomania. Basically, I steal random shit when I’m drunk. My house is full of used fire extinguishers, road signs, and even the queue separators from KFC (don’t ask). Anyway, Matt’s suitcase was casually laid open in the middle of the room and on top was a pair of beat up camouflage 6oz MMA sparring gloves. Suddenly my Kleptomania reaches fever point.
So I fake a phone call, quietly pick the gloves up, and tell everybody I’m going to the corridor to finish my conversation and for them to let me back in shortly. Once in the hotel corridor I run about fifteen rooms down and stash the gloves. I then walk back into the room feeling like a boss only to have a sudden realisation…our lift back home isn’t due for another 45 minutes and my friends won’t want to leave until then without good reason. However in the middle of this god damn room (no bigger than 5×5 meters), is Matt’s suitcase splayed open like a cheap Thai whore, with his gloves missing. For 45 bastard minutes my arsehole was like a yawning hippo and I was constantly trying to divert his attention away from the suitcase like a scene in a bad 80’s sitcom.
An hour or so later my friend called to say he was outside, so we said our goodbyes to Matt and thanked him for a great night. As we were leaving I started to feel guilty about the gloves but it was too late to give them back. I decided I would give Matt something he truly desired, a nice big bud of Amsterdam’s finest.
Theoretically, that would have been the first bit of weed that Matt smoked for over a month (if he was being honest, which he seemed to be). Since reading about the events that transpired shortly after — Matt’s second positive test for marijuana and his immediate release from the UFC — and not knowing when the positive sample was taken, I’ve had a bit of a moral dilemma. Potentially the good deed green I gave him triggered a Butterfly Effect chain of events that led to Matt being cut. I lost a few nights sleep over this (metaphorically speaking, that is, since I sleep harder than a narcoleptic watching baseball) but I came to the realisation that despite his well-documented love of marijuana, Matt was his own man and in control of his own destiny.
So Matt, if you’re reading this, I just want to say sorry about the gloves, man. Get in contact with me and I will get them back out to you. They’ve been at a good home and have been the centrepiece of one of my BEST drunken stories since. Thanks for getting us past that snotty concierge and being the innocent, likeable, and almost juvenile Matt Riddle that I and the MMA community have come to know and appreciate you for.
I hope to see you back in the UFC soon on your one-man mission to out-wrestle us Brits.
(They’re wearing camo so the technique must work.)
By Eric Linderman
Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.
So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.
I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.
Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?
Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.
In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:
(They’re wearing camo so they must be for real.)
By Eric Linderman
Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.
So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.
I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.
Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?
Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.
In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:
Personally, I like how the video starts with the title of “Real World Self Defense”. You know it has to be totally legit with a title like that. In fact, only menacing, bright red pants could make it more legit. In the video, you see a guy try to stab his victim only to leave his arm hanging out there. The heroine will STEP INTO HIS ATTACK and wrap his forearm in a towel and goes for a weak standing Americana, followed by a leg sweep. The attacker will allow all this to happen to him. That’ll work (that’s sarcasm if you couldn’t tell). The situation of being attacked with a knife while you’re holding a towel is so circumstantial anyway. Do people just prowl the streets clutching towels for safety in case of knife attacks?
Moving on to stupidity demonstration number 2:
This guy is much more legit because his attacker uses a shock knife and because it’s “In the name of science” (yeah he really says that). He is going to show you how to disarm a guy with a knife.
This clip is a little better in terms that the attacker doesn’t leave his arm out there. However, the attack is a bit over committed and the victim does the same thing by stepping into the attack! Not only does he step into the attack but also he goes to grab the arm and work his way down to the weapon. Seemed great right? Maybe you are thinking, “Wow, this guy’s Kali system really works!” WRONG. Notice the attacker does nothing to respond to being attacked. The attacker is not fighting back but instead is entirely concerned about losing the knife. Towards the end of the video, the victim is in a turtle position completely open for any secondary attackers and potentially just knees and punches to head from the primary attacker, while they scramble for this knife. I’m still confused as to how he disarms him. It looks more like the attacker just let go of the knife and ran away hysterically.
If you know where this stuff is taught legitimately, please tell us!
Let’s quickly discuss the reality of a fight between a guy with a knife and a guy without one.
I have never seen a self-defense technique that is foolproof against a knife attack; such strikes are dynamic and it’s difficult to protect oneself against them. Lyoto Machida is the master of getting out of the way of being attacked and he still gets knocked out!
Anyone who teaches a foolproof system is full of more crap than Yoel Romero. A knife attack is quick, up close and personal, and it is $&#@ing brutal! There seems to be two schools of thought: Some people teach this concept of grabbing the weapon hand, and other people teach to strike the attacker and forget the weapon hand. There is nothing that I have found to date that is 100% functional. If you have the unfortunate experience of getting into a confrontation with a person with a knife. Expect to get cut.
So what do I say to you? I would recommend that you get out of the way. No one will ever criticize you for giving up your wallet to guy with a knife. People will criticize you for trying to fight a guy who had a knife (unless your name is Guy Mezger).
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected]
(“So, did you find a stream of that UFC fight we bought tickets to, or will we have to show up halfway through the main event to play on our phones during it?”)
by CagePotato.com staff
1.You use “UFC” and “MMA” interchangeably.
2. You don’t know how to score a fight under PRIDE rules.
3. You boo fights the second they hit the ground.
4. Your “MMA training” consists of curling in the squat rack, shadowboxing while watching MMA (despite having never hit pads in your entire goddamn life), and picking fights at Buffalo Wild Wings.
5. You don’t have the UFC Fight Pass, security issues aside.
6. You don’t have Legacy FC and Titan FC fight cards committed to memory.
7. Your pathetic DVD collection doesn’t even have any events from Rumble on the Rock.
(“So, did you find a stream of that UFC fight we bought tickets to, or will we have to show up halfway through the main event to play on our phones during it?”)
by CagePotato.com staff
1.You use “UFC” and “MMA” interchangeably.
2. You don’t know how to score a fight under PRIDE rules.
3. You boo fights the second they hit the ground.
4. Your “MMA training” consists of curling in the squat rack, shadowboxing while watching MMA (despite having never hit pads in your entire goddamn life), and picking fights at Buffalo Wild Wings.
5. You don’t have the UFC Fight Pass, security issues aside.
6. You don’t have Legacy FC and Titan FC fight cards committed to memory.
7. Your pathetic DVD collection doesn’t even have any events from Rumble on the Rock.
8. You didn’t create a Facebook to watch preliminary fights.
9. You didn’t post a four paragraph “I don’t even have a Facebook” rant when CagePotato switched over to Facebook comments.
10. You shout “PRIDE NEVER DIE!” during every UFC card, yet you can’t name five PRIDE fighters who didn’t eventually compete in the UFC.
11. You’ve never set foot in an Indian reservation to watch amateur-level fights.
12. You’ve never gotten your ass beat in an unsanctioned smoker.
3. MMA “lifestyle” brands thinking you’re a goon who’ll only wear clothes if it has skulls, wings, or a tribal pattern on it.
4. Hearing casual fans talk about Kimbo Slice every time you decide to catch a PPV at a bar.
5. Hearing non-MMA fans talk about “this rolling around on the ground” every time you decide to catch a PPV at a bar.
6. The obscene cost of being an MMA fan (PPVs, Fight Pass, etc.).
7. Other MMA fans saying you’re not a TRUE fan because…[insert bullshit reason].
8. After the fight scene in a movie or TV show, everyone glares at you because they know you’re about to bash it for how unrealistic it was.
9. Debates about who was the GOAT.
10. People still going on about how awesome Pride was. Yeah, it was awesome, but it’s still dead and it ain’t coming back!
11. Dealing with other “fans” who “train UFC”
12. Dealing with other “fans” who hate every single thing the UFC does and go as far as to never watch the UFC just because.
13. Dealing with other “fans” who believe every single thing the UFC tells them and who refuse to acknowledge any MMA outside the Zuffa umbrella.
14. Dealing with other “fans” who complain that the fighters don’t make enough money but stream PPVs.
15. Debates about the “U-S-A” chant vs. the “You’re gonna die” chant.
16. Debates about TRT.
17. 0-2 amateur fighters with holier-than-thou attitudes. “I’m a FIGHTER, bro! I’m special, I’m different! I’m a WARRIOR.”
18. Arguments with the Zuffa-paid posters on the UG.
19. Painstakingly amassing a collection of fight DVDs only for the UFC to give their library away on the Internet for a few dollars a month.
20. Watching a fight with a BJJ blue who tells you every single grappling-related thing an MMA fighter is doing wrong and insists that they could “tap that dude out in a minute.”
21. Watching a fight with a (kick)boxing guy who tells you every single striking-related thing an MMA fighter is doing wrong and insists that they could “knock that dude out in a minute.”
22. When your relatives buy you TapouT merch because you like “that UFC stuff.”
Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?
For this week’s Traditional Martial Arts Fail, we have the five definitive ways to defeat a BJJ guy. It’s as easy as using basic movements against a compliant partner. Imagine that!
Checking out their website, it seems like these guys are the “too deadly” sort who want to believe in their mysticism and bogus street cred. Their experiences range in arts like the esteemed Pekiti-Tirsia Kali system (it’s right up at the top of the martial arts pyramid with Kapu Kuialua, we assure you) and Krav Maga (because that style is so effective). One of “the masters” practices a style that is “concept based rather than technique-based.” You know, because it’s bad to base a martial art on having good technique.
Needless to say, if the dude in the video tried any of this compliant crap on a legit BJJ fighter or any other sort of grappler, he’d wind up with a broken arm. Just goes to show you that even though the UFC is a little more than 20 years old, there are still people who haven’t gotten the message about what works in a fight and what doesn’t!
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].
Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Are you really sure?
For this week’s Traditional Martial Arts Fail, we have the five definitive ways to defeat a BJJ guy. It’s as easy as using basic movements against a compliant partner. Imagine that!
Checking out their website, it seems like these guys are the “too deadly” sort who want to believe in their mysticism and bogus street cred. Their experiences range in arts like the esteemed Pekiti-Tirsia Kali system (it’s right up at the top of the martial arts pyramid with Kapu Kuialua, we assure you) and Krav Maga (because that style is so effective). One of “the masters” practices a style that is “concept-based rather than technique-based.” You know, because it’s bad to base a martial art on having good technique.
Needless to say, if the dude in the video tried any of this compliant crap on a legit BJJ fighter or any other sort of grappler, he’d wind up with a broken arm. Just goes to show you that even though the UFC is a little more than 20 years old, there are still people who haven’t gotten the message about what works in a fight and what doesn’t!
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].
