(“I’m telling you people, this is the most stacked UFC card OF ALL TIME!” / Photo via Getty)
Like price sticker residue on a prized picture frame, these myths refused to be scrubbed away. You’ll encounter them on forums, barroom discussions, and even from the mouths of so-called experts. What myths are these? We’re glad you asked…
By CagePotato.com Staff
1. MMA wouldn’t exist without Dana White. Wrong. See here.
2. Royce Gracie was a humble, respectful warrior. [Ed’s note: Hopefully there’s been enoughrecentevidence to put this falsehood to bed until the end of time.]
3. Chuck Liddell in his prime would have destroyed ________.
4. MMA has nothing in common with professional wrestling.
5. [Celebrity with zero combat sports experience] would make a great MMA fighter!
6. Motivated BJ Penn could/still can beat anybody.
(“I’m telling you people, this is the most stacked UFC card OF ALL TIME!” / Photo via Getty)
Like price sticker residue on a prized picture frame, these myths refused to be scrubbed away. You’ll encounter them on forums, barroom discussions, and even from the mouths of so-called experts. What myths are these? We’re glad you asked…
By CagePotato.com Staff
1. MMA wouldn’t exist without Dana White. Wrong. See here.
2. Royce Gracie was a humble, respectful warrior. [Ed’s note: Hopefully there’s been enoughrecentevidence to put this falsehood to bed until the end of time.]
3. Chuck Liddell in his prime would have destroyed ________.
4. MMA has nothing in common with professional wrestling.
5. [Celebrity with zero combat sports experience] would make a great MMA fighter!
6. Motivated BJ Penn could/still can beat anybody.
(Mad props to Nick Newell for sending this to us!)
1) The official name of this news segment is “Ruben takes on the ‘Black Beast’ at the new UFC gym.” The Black Beast in question is a large African-American dude who is never referred to by name. When you are the Black Beast, you don’t need a real name. [Update:The Black Beast has been identified as UFC heavyweight prospect Derrick Lewis.]
2) We hear Ruben before we see him. But once we do…holy crap, it’s wonderful. Ruben is going for the knockout, baby. He is dressed in male yoga pants, a sleeveless zip-up, and fingerless gloves, because he’s a real reporter. He sounds like a young, Latino Richard Simmons.
3) Close-up on a replica UFC belt, held by some kid. “Here it is, it’s the official UFC belt. I’m not lying! Seriously! Right, Randy?” Randy: “That’s correct, it is the actual UFC championship belt.”
4) After a whole lot of chest pummeling, the white guy with the dreads flips his female partner, and Ruben’s like “OH MAH GAWSH, HE JUST TOOK HER DOWN.” Ruben did not see that one coming.
5) Ruben after witnessing a triangle choke: “I wanna try that before I hit the ring with the Black Beast.” Patience, Ruben.
6) White guy with dreads: “Get on your back.” Ruben: “No, I don’t want to get on my back, you get on your back.”
(Mad props to Nick Newell for sending this to us!)
1. The official name of this news segment is “Ruben takes on the ‘Black Beast’ at the new UFC gym.” The Black Beast in question is a large African-American dude who is never referred to by name. When you are the Black Beast, you don’t need a real name. [Update:The Black Beast has been identified as UFC heavyweight prospect Derrick Lewis.]
2. We hear Ruben before we see him. But once we do…holy crap, it’s wonderful. Ruben is going for the knockout, baby. He is dressed in male yoga pants, a sleeveless zip-up, and fingerless gloves, because he’s a real reporter. He sounds like a young, Latino Richard Simmons.
3. Close-up on a replica UFC belt, held by some kid. “Here it is, it’s the official UFC belt. I’m not lying! Seriously! Right, Randy?” Randy: “That’s correct, it is the actual UFC championship belt.”
4. After a whole lot of chest pummeling, the white guy with the dreads flips his female partner, and Ruben’s like “OH MAH GAWSH, HE JUST TOOK HER DOWN.” Ruben did not see that one coming.
5. Ruben after witnessing a triangle choke: “I wanna try that before I hit the ring with the Black Beast.” Patience, Ruben.
6. White guy with dreads: “Get on your back.” Ruben: “No, I don’t want to get on my back, you get on your back.”
7. Ruben: “So what if I go like this to the Black Beast?”
8. Ruben literally shoves Randy aside after Randy shares some info about the gym. “I’M NOT FEELIN’ THE ENERGY, GET OUTTA HERE GET OUTTA HERE, COME ON GUYS, COME ON, LET’S GIVE IT UP FOR THE BLACK BEAST.” Ruben really wants that Black Beast, y’all.
9. Ruben takes a running start, jumps onto the Black Beast, and starts humping him. Back in the newsroom, the female anchor shrieks with glee. At 2:28, Ruben is basically grinding on the Black Beast like a hood stripper, and the female anchor feigns shock. “I feel like I saw that move up in the club,” she says.
10. Eventually, the Black Beast slams Ruben to the mat and Ruben squeals while the anchors freak out. What a great moment in local news.
11. “I think you won, Black Beast.”
12. The female anchor: “I like [that] the Black Beast’s face is just like, neutral…Poor Ruben. He is gonna be sore tomorrow.”
Note: This timeline of MMA’s history is extremely abridged for the sake of brevity. If you’re interested in the topic, Jonathan Snowden’s Total MMA and Shooters, and Clyde Gentry’s No Holds Barred cover MMA history in detail better than I ever could.
684 BCE: Pankration—a hybrid martial art whose name means “all powers”—is introduced into the Olympic games.
19th century: Various mixed rules contests take place throughout the United States, ultimately morphing into what we now call professional wrestling. (Seriously, I can’t recommend Shooters enough for information about this phase of combat sports’ evolution.)
1898: Edward William Barton-Wright invents Bartitsu–a martial art combining boxing, judo, savate, and stick fighting and one of the first dedicated “mixed martial arts” in the entire world. This mixing of styles occurs 42 years before the birth of Bruce Lee, the so-called “father of MMA.”
1905: President Theodore Roosevelt conceptualizes MMA on a whim in a letter to his son, Kermit. “With a little practice in [jiu-jitsu], I am sure that one of our big wrestlers or boxers, simply because of his greatly superior strength, would be able to kill any of those Japanese,” he says in reference to watching a Japanese grappler submit an American wrestler named Joseph Grant.
1914: Judo ambassador and all around tough guy Mitsuyo Maeda arrives in Brazil. In the coming years, he’ll begin teaching the Gracie family judo techniques, planting the seeds for BJJ.
Early-mid 20th century:Vale Tudo competitions emerge in Brazil, and ultimately gain popularity. The Gracie family rises to prominence and enjoys success in these “everything allowed” contests.
Note: This timeline of MMA’s history is extremely abridged for the sake of brevity. If you’re interested in the topic, Jonathan Snowden’s Total MMA and Shooters, and Clyde Gentry’s No Holds Barred cover MMA history in detail better than I ever could.
684 BCE: Pankration—a hybrid martial art whose name means “all powers”—is introduced into the Olympic games.
19th century: Various mixed rules contests take place throughout the United States, ultimately morphing into what we now call professional wrestling. (Seriously, I can’t recommend Shooters enough for information about this phase of combat sports’ evolution.)
1898: Edward William Barton-Wright invents Bartitsu–a martial art combining boxing, judo, savate, and stick fighting and one of the first dedicated “mixed martial arts” in the entire world. This mixing of styles occurs 42 years before the birth of Bruce Lee, the so-called “father of MMA.”
1905: President Theodore Roosevelt conceptualizes MMA on a whim in a letter to his son, Kermit. “With a little practice in [jiu-jitsu], I am sure that one of our big wrestlers or boxers, simply because of his greatly superior strength, would be able to kill any of those Japanese,” he says in reference to watching a Japanese grappler submit an American wrestler named Joseph Grant.
1914: Judo ambassador and all around tough guy Mitsuyo Maeda arrives in Brazil. In the coming years, he’ll begin teaching the Gracie family judo techniques, planting the seeds for BJJ.
Early-mid 20th century:Vale Tudo competitions emerge in Brazil, and ultimately gain popularity. The Gracie family rises to prominence and enjoys success in these “everything allowed” contests.
1960s: Bruce Lee founds Jeet Kune Do and makes loads of movies. While these films raise awareness of the martial arts in general, they warp America’s perception of hand-to-hand combat for decades. Fighting becomes flashy kicks and punches–the antithesis of real unarmed combat–to much of the nation.
685 BCE-1960 CE: There is a great void in all martial arts. Boxers do not wrestle. Wrestlers do not box. Judo fighters don’t even know what a kick is. The art of fighting is mired in complete and total darkness. Innovation is nowhere to be found. Not a soul on earth has ever even begun to think about mixing styles.
1960s: Bruce Lee founds Jeet Kune Do and in doing so becomes the first man in human history to combine the tenets and techniques from different fighting systems.
1973: Bruce Lee passes away and the concept of “mixed martial arts” dies along with him.
1987: Ronda Rousey is born. She armbars the doctor who pulls her from the womb.
1993: The UFC is founded and holds their first event. Something about a guy named Gracie.
1994-2000: The original owners of the UFC (those who shall not be named) nearly kill MMA by not introducing a single reform into the sport. Not only is the UFC “human cockfighting” under their tenure, but it’s worthy of every other unpleasantry in the entire universe.
2001: Zuffa purchases the UFC, rescuing it (and MMA by extension) right as it was about to disappear from the face of the earth once and for all. The UFC’s new owners introduce rules to the sport—a novel concept that had never, ever been tried in MMA until then.
Early 2000s: Dana White saves MMA. We’re not really clear on when this happened, just that it did.
2004: The UFC light heavyweight title materializes around the waist of Vitor Belfort after a session of prayer, but disappears just as quickly. Who are [censored], [censored], and [censored]?
2005: The UFC Light Heavyweight title is bestowed upon Chuck Liddell with divine blessing. Dana White invents The Ultimate Fighter, which ushers in an age of unparalleled growth and popularity.
2006: The UFC becomes bigger than the NFL.
2007: Zuffa purchases Pride, signaling the beginning of MMA’s new golden age analogous to the NFL’s golden age after the AFL-NFL merger.
2010: The UFC becomes bigger than soccer. Riots break out in the UK when Michael Bisping loses to Wanderlei Silva.
2012: Ronda Rousey signs with the UFC and instantly becomes the biggest star the sport has ever seen. Jon Jones faces his toughest test ever.
2013: Ronda Rousey travels back through time to invent the Olympic Games. She wins the UFC Women’s bantamweight championship the night of her return. Jon Jones faces his toughest test ever (seeing a pattern?).
This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.
The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website…
This week, we have a follow-up to that video in the form of a sparring match between two black belts from what appears to be the same school. That’s right, a sleuthing member of Reddit unearthed the dojo’s identity. Apparently, this Taekwondo McDojo is called the World Martial Arts Association and is headquartered in Brooklyn. If the words of an anonymous Redditor who claims to have once been a student can be believed, they charge $40 a class, and $600 per belt test. Here’s the full thread on Reddit, in case you’re interested in this sort of thing.
The funniest (or saddest) part, however, isn’t on Reddit or YouTube, but on the school’s own website. It’s the obviously self-written bio for the school’s headmaster, which ends with the lines “He never hesitates to say that he brings his martial arts acumen to all these endeavors. He has been called by some a ‘Renaissance man.’” Wow. How’s that for pomposity?
And about the video? It pretty much speaks for itself. It’s atrocious non-fighting with some Street Fighter music passed off as legitimate martial arts. That kind of crap makes point-fighting look like some of MMA’s most physical brawls.
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].
13. Basically refusing to sign Cris Cyborg forever.
14. Lying about all the fighter’s credentials and accomplishments for UFC 1.
15. Lying about all the fighter’s credentials and accomplishments in the modern day.
16. Instant rematches when the wrong guy wins.
17. Interviewing Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker whenever they show up at events.
18. The fact that you can buy Arianny t-shirts on the UFC website.
19. Every single time when they brought a potential opponent into the cage to square off with someone who just won their fight (this is our favorite example).
20. Bringing back Tank Abbott in the early 2000′s.
