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GSP Does Better Than Finish Fights, He Finishes Careers

(When he’s not lifting five-pound dumbbells, he’s ruining careers. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

I know what a lot of you were thinking (and by “a lot” I mean nobody): Where is The12ozCurls with his obligatory fluffy, ball-washing post on Georges St. Pierre pertaining to his upcoming fight? Well, I hate to disappoint my dozens of CagePotato fans and Twitter followers (seriously, *bottom lip quivers* I got like 50) so I will give you what you want. What most of you want is more ammo to fire in my direction if/when GSP loses. And judging from the current CP Fight Picking Contest stats, a majority of you think Johny Hendricks is going to put my beloved Canadian to sleep on Saturday night. You are all entitled to your opinion no matter how wrong it might be.

Let me explain: GSP has dominated the welterweight division for the better part of a decade. He has systematically vanquished each foe with a combination of athleticism, technique, cardio and sound game-planning. There is no debating that. Yet most of the flat-billed hat-wearing mouth-breathing meatheads that scream “KNEEEEES!” whenever there is a clinch, constantly talk shit on GSP because he is a boring fighter that doesn’t finish (and because he is handsome . . . . really really handsome).

That is the knock on one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time—that he’s ambien personified—but upon further review, GSP has done far more long-term damage to his last 8 opponents than ending a fight via TKO or submission. He effectively sent their careers into the toilet, which is far worse than just knocking them out cold. All of the following fighters were the #1 contender for the UFC WW Championship but each one was sent packing like my ex-wife (What? Too soon?). I’ll start with all the fights after GSP kneed Matt Serra’s kidneys into oblivion and became the undisputed champ back at UFC 83.

Take a look at the first guy who’s career GSP derailed after the jump.

(Five-pound dumbbells are the secret to dominance. / Image courtesy of GSP RUSHFIT)

By Nathan Smith

Jon Fitch
Lost via UD at UFC 87
Record since = 7-3-1

(Image courtesty of MMAWeekly)

GSP’s victory over Fitch is the third most lopsided 5-round decision in UFC history. However, Fitch is one of the few that can boast a winning record since facing GSP, but those numbers are inflated. Much like the SEC football teams’ out-of-conference schedule, Fitch padded his stats. He has a positive record by essentially fighting B- to C+ fighters like Akihiro Gono, Paulo Thiago and Ben Saunders. That is not to say defeating a very game Erick Silva is not impressive, but then again, that was Fitch’s last fight in the UFC before getting choked unconscious in World Series of Fighting and then moving across the country for a training job at a start-up gym.

B.J. Penn
Lost via TKO (corner stoppage) at UFC 94
Record since = 3-4-1

During the Countdown special prior to his fight with GSP, Penn looked straight into the camera and said, “To the death Georges. To the death.” Well, thankfully for The Prodigy, his corner stopped the fight at the end of the 4th round or else he might very well be six feet under because he got his ass handed to him. Afterwards, Penn dropped back to lightweight and got a couple wins before running into Frankie Edgar. He then moved back to welterweight where he most recently got annihilated by Nick Diaz and Rory MacDonald. For his next trick (and probably his last), B.J. will try and make the featherweight limit as a coach on the next exciting installment of The Ultimate Fighter *yawn*.

Thiago Alves
Lost via UD at UFC 100
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of SHERDOG)

Alves got taken down a total of 10 times during his contest with GSP. The feared striker didn’t come close to winning a round. He has beaten John Howard and Papy Abedi since November 2008. That is 2 wins in the last five fucking years. Sure, the injury bug has bitten him on more than a few occasions, but that is two wins in FIVE YEARS—a Tito Ortiz or Ken Shamrock level statistic! CagePotato was just an infant (with UFC credentials) five years ago and my liver did NOT look like a baked potato.

Dan Hardy
Lost via UD at UFC 111
Record since = 2-3

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Yep, another clean sweep on the scorecards for GSP in this one but there were two times during the fight where Hardy was in severe danger of getting his arm snapped. To Hardy’s credit, he preserved through 25 minutes…but then he lost three consecutive fights afterwards. At least he had the honor of tapping to Chris Lytle during his Lights Out’s retirement fight. Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome has sidelined Hardy for over a year and his career as a fighter is hazy at best.

Josh Koscheck
Lost via UD at 124
Record since = 2-2

(Image courtesy of MMAPro)

GSP jabbed Fraggle Rock’s face into a pulp en route to another 50-45 victory. Koscheck has always been a perennial contender but unless he catches lightning in a bottle, his best days are behind him. In his last fight Robbie Lawler sent him to dream land with a barrage of punches. I wonder what it is like for a notorious shit-talking virtuoso like Kos to walk around backstage at UFC 167 and have to see GSP, Johny Hendricks, AND Lawler—the last three men to beat him. Humbling, I suppose but I bet he still bumps his gums nonetheless.

Jake Shields
Lost via UD at UFC 129
Record since = 3-1-1

Shields conjured his inner Koscheck during his bout with GSP and went into unintentional eye-poke mode, which limited the champion’s vision for a majority of the fight. Even fighting with one peeper, GSP was able to easily outpoint Shields for 25 minutes. Though Shields is 3-1-1, he could just as easily be 1-3-1 because his last two fights were decided via split decision in his favor. He is a very good fighter who probably has a few years left in his career (provided California continues to approve medicinal marijuana) but he will never be champion.

Carlos Condit
Lost via UD at UFC 154
Record since = 1-1

(Image courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

Let’s be honest about two things right now. First, Condit had GSP really hurt for about 90 seconds and that was the only time that “The Natural Born Killer” held any advantage during the 25 minute affair. Secondly, Condit is the only name on this list that still has the potential to be the welterweight champion in the future. Though he is only batting .500 in his last two contests, Carlos Condit is a stud who could be the champ one day if/when GSP retires (or does something else). Until then, he is waiting in line.

Nick Diaz
Lost via UD at UFC 158
Record since = 0-0 RETIRED

Diaz finally got a shot at GSP and was thwarted by footwork, speed and wrestling. The destructor of all things bullshit then (as expected) acted like a petulant child, took his ball, went home, and retired. I can’t wait for 2014 to see if Nick decides to stop promoting his own fighting organization and start promoting his comeback fight (CAGEPOTATO BAN BE DAMNED).

There you have it. With the exception of Carlos Condit, there is not one guy on this list that is a “player” in the welterweight mix. Fitch is out of the UFC, while Penn is grasping at straws as he plays musical weight classes and prepares for a swan song. Thiago Alves needs a new mattress because his bed bugs have been cross-bred with injury bugs and Dan Hardy may never fight again due to his medical condition. Josh Koscheck is still a dickhead but now more of a gatekeeper than contender and the world awaits a global coma for the Jake Shields vs Ben Askren fight to get announced (although now that seems unlikely). That leaves us with Nick Diaz who is, well, Nick Diaz and there isn’t a thing anybody can do about it. Minus Condit, all of these men have seen their once prolific and ascending careers’ tailspin in recent years and there is only one thing that they ALL have in common: They were all dominated by GSP. Georges St. Pierre doesn’t end the fight inside the cage, he ends the fighter.

The 12 Greatest Ring Girls in UFC History, Ranked

(Edith and Arianny on the job, back when the phrase “GOD’S STREET SOLDIER” used to mean something. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)

When ranking the greatest UFC ring girls of all time, four criteria must be considered: looks, personality, longevity, and whether or not they ever posed nude for Playboy. (That last one is probably the most important.) So in honor of the UFC’s 20th anniversary, we decided to pay tribute to the unsung heroines of the Octagon, who bravely circle the cage in booty-shorts to remind drunken fans what round it is. Disagree with our list? Then let us know in the comments section, tough guy.

#12 & #11 (tie): Chrissy Blair and Vanessa Hanson

Chrissy and Vanessa both made their UFC ring girl debuts in 2011 after winning contests put on by Transworld, and were officially added to the Octagon Girl rotation earlier this year following a stint in Strikeforce. They’re kind of a package deal, and we can’t decide which one is more attractive, so we’ll let them share the leadoff spots on this list. (Honestly, the Betty and Veronica thing will never go out of style.) Chrissy and Vanessa were most recently seen earlier this month, supporting the troops.

For further viewing:
– Golden goddess
– The artsy black and white shot
– Long tall Chrissy
– She really ties the room together
– Coming undone
– A woman in uniform
– Strikeforce’s dynamic duo

#10: Jessica Cambensy

(Edith and Arianny on the job, back when the phrase “GOD’S STREET SOLDIER” used to mean something. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)

#12 & #11 (tie): Chrissy Blair and Vanessa Hanson

#10: Jessica Cambensy

Winner of the 2012 Potato Award for Best Female Newcomer, Jessica is part of the Octagon Girl crew for the UFC’s Asian events. The Chinese-Filipina-American model made her debut last November at UFC on FUEL 6: Franklin vs. Le, and will hopefully show up to rescue the UFC’s garbage-ass Singapore card in January.

For further viewing:
– Cosplay: You’re doing it right
– Pure beauty
– Kissy face
– Leopard print
– More cosplay, just because

#9: Jhenny Andrade

Meanwhile in South America, Jhenny Andrade has stood out as the most impressive local Octagon Girl in a pool that already includes such beauties as Aline Franzoi and Camila Oliveira. The Sao Paulo-bred model first showed up at UFC 163 in August, and has held round-cards at UFC events on a monthly basis since then. The sky’s the limit for this young Brazilian phenom.

For further viewing:
– *hnnnngg*
– Our lips are sealed
– She wears it well
– Falling off the bed
– Who’s there? [NSFW-ish]

#8. Holly Madison

Maybe it’s cheating to include a woman who only appeared as a UFC ring girl twice and has already retired from the game. But the blonde bombshell and reality TV star certainly made a lasting impression when she showed up for guest Octagon Girl performances at UFC 100 and UFC 125. And yes, she’s posed nude for Playboy. Like, lots of times. If you don’t believe me, ask the Internet.

For further viewing:
– Best PETA ad ever
– Insufficient coverage
– Posing by the pool
– Arm-candy Hall of Fame
– Naughty gnome

#7. Logan Stanton

The German-Japanese model from Niceville made her UFC debut in December 2008, and quickly stole our hearts with her winning smile, quirky laugh, and craft projects. Unfortunately, she was fired a year later without explanation. (See also: Natasha Wicks.) Since then, Logan has booked countless modeling gigs and co-founded a jewelry line, but other than a cameo appearance at UFC 149 last July, Logan has put down the round cards for good.

For further viewing:
– Fist-posing in her ring girl uniform
– The reverse angle
– More bikini goodness
– The classic mirror-selfie
– Black-and-white, clothing optional

Hit that “next page” link to see the Top 6…

20 Years, 20 Head Kicks: A UFC Anniversary Tribute

(Gerard Gordeau delivers the first head-kick TKO in UFC history against Teila Tuli back at UFC 1, which took place exactly 20 years today on November 12th, 1993.)

By Adam Martin

There are literally thousands of ways a mixed martial arts match can end, but one of the most thrilling methods is the head kick knockout.

Over the course of two decades of fights in the UFC Octagon, there have been a number of memorable knockout blows delivered via head kick, and in honor of the UFC’s 20^th anniversary, I’ve put together a list of what I believe are the top 20 head kick knockouts in UFC history.

20 years, 20 head kicks. Here we go.

20. Uriah Hall vs. Adam Cella, TUF 17 episode 3 (aired 2/5/13)

I wanted to keep the list strictly to knockouts that happened during live UFC events, but I’m going to bend the rules a bit and kick off the list with one that happened on TUF.

Of course I’m talking about Uriah Hall’s spinning hook kick KO of Adam Cella, which took place earlier this year during TUF 17. It was a devastating knockout that made UFC president Dana White’s hyperbole raise to a whole new level as he declared Hall the nastiest fighter to ever step into the TUF house (the same house that produced Rashad Evans and Forrest Griffin – you know, former UFC champs), and thus the UFC embarked on a social media campaign to play the clip non-stop on every medium in existence.

It was a brutal knockout, and I literally felt sick watching it. Even though Hall never lived up to the massive expectations that were placed on him, his most well-known career highlight deserves a place at #20.

19. Pat Miletich vs. Shonie Carter, UFC 32 (6/29/01)

(Gerard Gordeau delivers the first head-kick TKO in UFC history against Teila Tuli back at UFC 1, which took place exactly 20 years today on November 12th, 1993.)

By Adam Martin

There are literally thousands of ways a mixed martial arts match can end, but one of the most thrilling methods is the head kick knockout.

20 years, 20 head kicks. Here we go.

20. Uriah Hall vs. Adam Cella, TUF 17 episode 3 (aired 2/5/13)

I wanted to keep the list strictly to knockouts that happened during live UFC events, but I’m going to bend the rules a bit and kick off the list with one that happened on TUF.

19. Pat Miletich vs. Shonie Carter, UFC 32 (6/29/01)

I couldn’t do a best-of MMA list without sneaking Pat Miletich and Shonie Carter in it, and thankfully they were both involved in the same fight so I get to kill two birds with one stone here.

At UFC 32 in 2001, Miletich fought Carter in a matchup between two of my personal old-school fan favorites. Miletich was coming off a defeat to Carlos Newton where he lost the UFC welterweight championship, while Carter was coming off an amazing spinning backfist KO of Matt Serra, meaning this fight had serious title implications at the time.

But while many predicted a close matchup on paper, the outcome belonged to “The Croatian Sensation” as he hit “Mr. International” with a head kick so hard it knocked Carter out cold, one of the very rare head kick KOs that took place in the first decade of the Octagon’s existence.

I saw this one on a tape I borrowed from a friend a long time ago and I’ve always wanted to see it again but haven’t had the opportunity to. Fortunately I’ve found a GIF for all of us to enjoy, but if you can track down the entire fight I highly recommend it.

18. Paul Taylor vs. Gabe Ruediger, UFC 126 (2/5/11)

One of the most awesome head kick knockouts in UFC history took place at UFC 126, and no, I’m not talking about the one you’re already thinking of (that will come later). I’m actually talking about the head kick KO that Brit Paul Taylor delivered on Gabe Ruediger, one of the most underrated finishes in UFC history in my opinion and one that I don’t think enough people have seen.

On any other night, Taylor would have claimed a nice $50,000 bonus check for KOTN, but as we all know there was another very good head kick KO that same night. Still, we can give him some props for scoring a classic knockout in what turned out to be his final appearance in the Octagon; Taylor recently announced his retirement from the sport due to a variety of nagging injuries. At least we have this sweet finish to remember him by. (Watch the GIF here.)

17. Georges St-Pierre vs. Matt Hughes, UFC 65 (11/18/06)

Back in 2006, Georges St-Pierre was seen as the future of the UFC welterweight division and at UFC 65 he was able to get his revenge on Matt Hughes (who had earlier submitted St-Pierre with an armbar at UFC 50) when he kicked the Miletich Fighting Systems product in the head and then followed it up with a series of punches on the ground to capture the UFC welterweight title for the fist time in his career.

This head kick is the only part of the fight I really remembered, and I was going to place it higher on the list originally, but since St-Pierre needed the follow-up punches to finish off the job I decided to stick it at #17. Either way, a job well-done by St-Pierre in this fight, and arguably the best finish of his storied career to date. (Watch the GIF here.)

16. Andrew Craig vs. Rafael Natal, UFC on FUEL TV 4 (7/11/12)

One of my favorite fights of all time took place at UFC FUEL TV 4, an unheralded middleweight bout between Andrew Craig and Rafael Natal. I was actually the reporter who first broke news of this fight back when I worked for theScore.com, and so it always holds a special place in my heart for that. But I’ve broken other fight announcements before, and rarely do the final products turn out to be as good as Craig vs. Natal ended up being.

In the fight, Natal was absolutely beating the crap out of Craig and looking like he was going to cruise to a stoppage win, but at the end of the second round, Craig – who was down big on points – threw a booming head kick out of desperation and caught Natal square on the chin, knocking him out cold.

An absolutely insane fight, and an even crazier knockout. Wow. (Watch the GIF here.)

15. Chuck Liddell vs. Renato “Babalu” Sobral, UFC 40 (11/22/02)

Back in his prime, Chuck Liddell was an absolute killer, and at UFC 40 he showed that he wasn’t just a power puncher as he head-kicked Renato “Babalu” Sobral into oblivion to earn a shot at the light heavyweight title.

Despite coming from a karate background, this remains one of only two head kick knockouts in Liddell’s storied MMA career (and his only one in the UFC), so let’s savor it since we’ll never get another one of these from “The Iceman” now that he’s happily retired. (Watch the GIF here.)

14. Junior dos Santos vs. Mark Hunt, UFC 160 (5/25/13)

Mark Hunt is considered by many to have one of the best chins in the history of combat sports, but at UFC 160 Junior dos Santos showed that Hunt is a human being like the rest of us when Cigano spinning wheel kicked Hunt in the temple to knock him to the ground, and then followed it up with a massive punch to put “The Super Samoan” completely out cold.

It was a beautiful, dominant performance by Dos Santos up until the KO, and the finish was just a cherry on top. I still can’t believe that Hunt was finished in this fashion, but then again dos Santos is one of the most powerful punchers the Octagon has ever seen – and, one of the hardest kickers as well, clearly. (Watch the GIF here.)

13. Rory Markham vs. Brodie Farber, UFC Fight Night 14 (7/19/08)

Another knockout that doesn’t get as much love as it should was Rory Markham’s massive head kick KO of Brodie Farber at UFC Fight Night 14. Just watch the GIF and tell me how awesome this is.

It’s too bad that Markham has had so many issues out side of the cage, because when he was in the Octagon he was an absolute killer. But at least he was able to give us this beauty before he rode off into the sunset, and for that we have to give him props.

12. Tim Sylvia vs. Tra Telligman, UFC 54 (8/20/05)

I know Tim Sylvia gets a bad rap from fans these days, but don’t forget that he gave us one of the best head kick knockouts ever witnessed inside the Octagon.

It took place at UFC 54, when Sylvia took on Tracy “Tra” Telligman. Sylvia was coming off a loss to Andrei Arlovski at UFC 51 that cost him a chance to capture the UFC heavyweight title, but after taking Telligman’s head off, Sylvia gained the confidence to make a run up the ladder and eventually capture the belt.

Sylvia has had an underappreciated career and this finish of Telligman is my favorite moment from it. It’s also one of the very few knockouts in UFC history that’s occurred at the 4:59 mark of round one, making it extra special.

11. Alan Belcher vs. Jorge Santiago, UFC Fight Night 7 (12/13/06)

One of my favorite all-time knockouts of any kind took place at UFC Fight Night 7, when a young Alan Belcher took on Jorge Santiago and delivered one of the most damaging head kick finishes in the history of the sport.

I don’t think Santiago was ever the same after this KO, which is a shame because he is a skilled fighter — although he was never able to prove that in the Octagon. As for Belcher, he has had a solid career but there’s no doubt in my mind this is his ultimate career highlight, and it’s for good reason. (Watch the GIF here.)

Ready for the Top 10? Hit that “next page” link and read on…

27 Ways to Know You’re Part of the MMA Media

(The MMA media in a nutshell, except replace Jade Bryce with Dana White and Eric Holden with any credentialed “journalist” in the business. / Photo via Examiner.com)

By the CagePotato.com staff

The MMA media is a diverse bunch, ranging from actual professionals to despicable bottom-feeders like us. However, there are trials and tribulations that we can all relate to, and which ultimately unite us. For example…

1. You’ve been called a Zuffa shill whenever you say something positive about the UFC.

2. You’ve been called an anti-Zuffa hack whenever you say anything negative about the UFC.

3. You complain about all the free UFC events you have to watch on cable.

(The MMA media in a nutshell, except replace Jade Bryce with Dana White and Eric Holden with any credentialed “journalist” in the business. / Photo via Examiner.com)

By the CagePotato.com staff

1. You’ve been called a Zuffa shill whenever you say something positive about the UFC.

2. You’ve been called an anti-Zuffa hack whenever you say anything negative about the UFC.

3. You complain about all the free UFC events you have to watch on cable.

4. You abide by the list of topics to not talk about.

5. A fighter had threatened to slap your or otherwise cause you bodily harm.

6. A fighter has motorboated you.

7. A fighter has humped you.

8. You’ve seen the word “exclusive” used so many times that it has lost all meaning.

9. You never leave home without your tape recorder, notepad, fake nose, and shock pen.

From Facepalm to Faceplant: The 8 Most Brutal Self-Inflicted Knockouts in MMA History

(“Accepts trilogy-completing title fight with biggest rival, points out where he will faceplant later.” Photo via Getty.)

Although the fight records officially list Cain Velasquez‘s 5th round TKO of Junior Dos Santos at UFC 166 as coming by way of “Slam and Punch,” the credit should rightfully be given to Dos Santos for executing a picture perfect ninja-choke-into-faceplant KO. It was truly the most spectacular self-destruct sequence ever carried out in the octagon, and one that got us thinking: What are the Most Brutal Self-Inflicted KO’s in MMA History?

Matt Lindland will be discussed at some point in this article.

Mark Kerr vs. Yoshihisa Yamamoto – PRIDE 27

As Ben previously noted, it’s a good thing that the 2002 Mark Kerr documentary, The Smashing Machine, ended when it did, because we wouldn’t have been able to sit through the tale of woe that Kerr’s career became from 2004 onward.

Following a pair of losses to Igor Vovchanchyn and Heath Herring at PRIDE 12 and 15, respectfully, Kerr would take a three year break from the sport before returning against Yoshihisa Yamamoto (who held a modest 13-16 record at the time) at PRIDE 27. Forty seconds into the fight, Kerr would knock himself out during a takedown attempt. He would walk away from PRIDE shortly thereafter and lose 7 out of his next 9 contests, all by first round stoppage.

This post has gotten off to an unexpectedly depressing start, but such is Mark Kerr. Let’s lighten things up a bit…

(“Accepts trilogy-completing title fight against biggest rival, points out where he will faceplant later.” Photo via Getty.)

Matt Lindland will be discussed at some point in this article.

Mark Kerr vs. Yoshihisa Yamamoto – PRIDE 27

This post has gotten off to an unexpectedly depressing start, but such is Mark Kerr. Let’s lighten things up a bit…

Matt Lindland vs. Falaniko Vitale – UFC 43

(If the slam itself doesn’t make you laugh, the sound effects surely will.)

Matt Lindland is a man of many masks: Mixed martial artist. Olympian. Coach. Politician. Professional rafter. All of these masks are certifiably goofy as fuck. Hence Lindland knocking himself out while attempting to take down Falaniko Vitale at UFC 43. The incident ranks just beneath Tim Sylvia shitting his pants on the UFC’s list of All Time Most Embarrassing Moments.

But Matt Lindland is a man of character. Matt Lindland is a fighter’s fighter. Hence why he rematched Vitale at UFC 45 and literally did not stop punching until his opponent tapped out. Lindland also cut Fedor that one time, which was pretty cool. In short, there are those of us who choose to rise from the ashes of defeat and those of us who choose to drown in them. The former are referred to as “Lindlands.” The latter are referred to as “VanOrmans.”

Gray Maynard vs. Rob Emerson – TUF 5 Finale

According to the “About” section of this video’s Youtube page, uploader Cr125rmxr “just had some fun with a UFC highlight.” I’m not so much angry that this poor fellow has never experienced true joy, I’m just disappointed that the best available free footage of Gray Maynard vs. Rob Emerson was uploaded in 2008 and features Intro to Garageband hip-hop beats, beats that dramatically cut out halfway through the video, leaving you to suffocate beneath your thoughts in the impending, deafening silence.

It’s a societal issue, really. Back in the day, computer nerds had ambition, had honor. They’d see an opportunity like Gray Maynard knocking himself out cold while slamming fellow castmate Rob Emerson at the TUF 5 Finale and just go to town: A gif parade here, a Benny Hill-themed remix there; it was glorious. But now, thanks to copyright claims, lawsuits, and general laziness, this crappy, home shot video of Gray Maynard breaking noted scumbag Rob Emerson’s ribs and simultaneously knocking himself out in his UFC debut is all that remains.

Everything’s a meme now. You’re a meme. I’m a meme. This human experiment is pointless.

Boris Miroshnichenko vs. Herman Yakubov – ProFC 50

In Russia, there is only suffering. Herman Yakubov knew this, which is why he made sure to KO himself twice for every time his opponent KO’d him at ProFC 50. From last week’s article:

While Yakubov, a Russian, was KO’d in the first round by his Belarusian counterpart, he also made sure to knock himself out *again* with his own knee on the way down, lawn chair style, and a third time when his head hit the canvas — as if to say, “Although you have damaged me, comrade, know that your damage holds not a candle to those wrought by my own devices. For what is life but the prolonging of inevitable death? And what is death, if not a face at peace…”

This Guy

Seriously, dude, what the fuck were you thinking?

See also: This guy.

Kevin Randleman – UFC 24

By now, we should all know the infamous “Kevin Randleman slips on a pipe backstage at UFC 24″ story, but allow me to summarize for those of you who don’t: Kevin Randleman slipped on a pipe backstage. At UFC 24.

Randleman’s fall was so dramatic that not only did he come away from it with an actual cracked skull (*shoots visual daggers at Tito Ortiz*) but an injured shoulder to boot. And just like that, “First Defense” became “No Defense” — Randleman was pulled from his scheduled fight with Pedro Rizzo and the people of Lake Charles, Louisiana would set their city ablaze in rageful protest by nightfall.

Although many innocent lives were lost on that tragic evening of March the 10th, 1999, “The Monster” would receive his fight with Pedro Rizzo at UFC 26 in June of 2000. Randleman successfully defended his belt by way of unanimous decision and rode off into the sunset a champion…until he was defeated by Randy Couture in his next bout. Meep morp.

The CagePotato CMS is trying to autocorrect “Randleman” with “Manhandle.” That detail bears mentioning.

Tim Means – UFC on FOX 5

This one is kind of like the Kevin Randleman incident, but bonus points go to the omnipresent force that is Death for trying to take out Means in a sauna. You almost got him, Death. And according to Final Destination rules, you pretty much own him at this point.

Forrest Griffin vs. Anderson Silva – UFC 101

You could argue that Forrest Griffin volunteered to be brutally knocked out as soon as he agreed to fight Anderson Silva. We’re sure he would agree with you.

Dishonorable mentions: The dude who knocked himself out attempting a celebratory backflip, the Asian fighter who did the same attempting a cage flip, and the dude who dared his opponent to knock him out and was kindly obliged.

Are there any self-inflicted KO’s we missed? Let us know in the comments section.

–J. Jones

The Top 24 Mixed Martial Artists Who Lost Their First Fight

(Renan Barao: Started from the bottom, now he here. / Photo via Getty)

By Adam Martin

At the UFC 165 post-fight presser last month, UFC president Dana White showered praise upon UFC interim bantamweight champion Renan Barao, calling him one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the sport and remarking that the media hadn’t given enough credit to his eight-year, 32-fight undefeated streak, which has remained pristine since May 2005.

Barao has only tasted defeat once, and it was in the first fight of his career. The fact that he’s rebounded with the longest current undefeated streak in mixed martial arts — despite the fact that his first loss could have ruined his confidence forever — is absolutely amazing to me, as many young would-be prospects have crashed and burned in their debuts, never to be heard of again.

It got me thinking: What other mixed martial artists lost their first fight but then went on to have great success? I expected to bang out a list of ten fighters, but once I started doing the research, it blew my mind that some of the best fighters to ever compete in the sport, and a number of currently top 10-ranked fighters, actually lost their very first fight.

And so, I compiled a list of the top 24 MMA fighters of all time who lost their first fight. The list is based on accomplishments in the sport, overall skill level, and potential. Enjoy, and if I somehow missed somebody notable, please leave a comment below and explain why he or she should be included.

Honorable mentions: Matt “The Wizard” Hume (5-5), Wesley “Cabbage” Correira (20-15), Ryan “The Big Deal” Jimmo (18-2), Rodrigo Damm (11-6), James Te Huna (16-6)

24. Travis “The Ironman” Fulton (249-49-10, 1 NC)

(Photo via ThunderPromotions)

On July 26, 1996, at the age of 19 years old, Travis Fulton fought Dave Strasser in his MMA debut at Gladiators 1 in Davenport, Iowa, losing the fight via first-round submission. He then went on to win 249 fights, the most wins in mixed martial arts history. Fulton also holds the record for most fights (309) and most knockout wins (91) in MMA history.

Mind = blown.

Was Fulton a can crusher? Yes, yes he was. Or, should I say, yes he is, as he beat some nobody in his native Iowa just this past March. But you don’t win 249 MMA fights by accident, and Fulton deserves a place on this list based on volume alone.

(Renan Barao: Started from the bottom, now he here. / Photo via Getty)

By Adam Martin

Honorable mentions: Matt “The Wizard” Hume (5-5), Wesley “Cabbage” Correira (20-15), Ryan “The Big Deal” Jimmo (18-2), Rodrigo Damm (11-6), James Te Huna (16-6)

24. Travis “The Ironman” Fulton (249-49-10, 1 NC)

(Photo via ThunderPromotions)

Mind = blown.

23. Akihiro Gono (31-18-7)

(Photo via MMAWeekly)

Akihiro Gono was just 19 when the Japanese icon made his MMA debut in his home country against Yasunori Okuda in the first round of the Lumax Cup: Tournament of J’ 94, way back in April 1994. Like many of the fighters of the time, Gono wasn’t ready to defend submissions, and he tapped out to a first-round toe hold.

Gono may have lost the fight, but he would go on to have a very solid career that saw him compete in the UFC, PRIDE, Shooto, Pancrase, Sengoku, and finally Bellator, which would be his final stop.

In May 2012, after a solid 18-year run as a fan favorite, Gono fought for the last time against current Bellator lightweight champion Michael Chandler at Bellator 67, losing the fight via first-round KO.

22. Ikuhisa “Minowaman” Minowa (55-35-8)

Some will laugh that Minowaman is on this list, but he deserves to be after amassing a respectable 55-35-8 record during his cult-legendary career as a journeyman, where — like the great Fedor Emelianenko — he was notorious for fighting and beating larger opponents in the UFC, PRIDE, Dream and Pancrase, amongst other promotions.

However, he was also notorious for losing to some of them.

The first of his 35 losses came to Yuzo Tateishi via decision on March 30, 1996, at the Lumax Cup: Tournament of J ‘96 in Japan. It was the first of many career losses for Minowa, who started off his career 2-9-2 in his first 13 fights. To his credit though, he rebounded to eventually leave the sport with a winning record, and became a big star in PRIDE because he always put on exciting fights and feared no man.

The name “Minowaman” is always one that makes the hardcores’ hearts beat whenever anyone brings it up. Not bad for a guy who at first glance looked like he would contribute nothing in the sport.

21. Shonie “Mr. International” Carter (50-28-7, 1 NC)

(NOTE: The graphic in the video say his record was 3-1 but that tally likely referred to his amateur fights.)

Back on February 15, 1997 in – surprise, surprise – Iowa, a 24-year-old Shonie Carter got into his first professional MMA fight, the first of many for him.

It didn’t last long, however, as he was KO’ed by future five-time UFC vet Laverne Clark at Monte Cox’s Extreme Challenge 3, just nine seconds into the first round in what was the MMA debut of both men.

It became a classic KO in regional circuit MMA history.

Despite that early career loss, Carter then went on to have an unexpectedly awesome career where he attained 50 wins, including 26 by stoppage. He even made it to the Ultimate Fighting Championship and, in total, he fought six times in the UFC — one more than Clark, who knocked him out in that first battle.

One of those 26 aforementioned stoppage wins I mentioned — and one of the best KOs in UFC history — was his spinning back fist knockout of Matt Serra at UFC 31. Serra, who at the time was considered to be below Carter in the ranks, later defeated Georges St-Pierre at UFC 69 to win the UFC welterweight title. Carter, on the other hand, never quite made it to the top of the sport, to say the least, but at least he built a memorable persona as a stone-cold pimp.

20. Brian “Bad Boy” Ebersole (50-15-1, 1 NC)

(Photo via Tracy Lee/Yahoo!)

Brian Ebersole’s first MMA bout took place on February 24, 2000 against Chris Albandia at TCC – Total Combat Challenge in Chicago. He lost the fight via decision.

He was just 18 years old.

However, despite the loss, Ebersole has gone on to have an awesome journeyman career that has seen him compile an excellent record of 50-15-1, 1 NC.

Ebersole finally made it to the UFC in 2012, upsetting Chris Lytle at UFC 127 and then winning three more in a row before a split decision loss to James Head at UFC 149 ended his win streak. He has sat out the past year with injuries.

But things are looking up for Ebersole, as he will finally make his return to the cage at UFC 167 against Rick Story. It’s a difficult matchup on paper, but it’s winnable. And even if he loses, the fans get to see the Hairrow — well hopefully, anyways — or at least one of those fancy cartwheel kicks. Make it happen, Brian.

19. Alexis “Ally-Gator” Davis (14-5)

(Photo via Invicta FC)

On April 7, 2007, at UCW 7 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, two unknown Canadian women fought each other. One was Sarah Kaufman, who would later go on to win the Strikeforce women’s bantamweight champion and who will be making her UFC debut this Saturday at UFC 166, and the other was a 21-year-old Alexis Davis, who would eventually make it into the UFC as well.

On that night, Kaufman was the better woman, as she finished Davis via strikes in the third round. And Kaufman would demonstrate her superiority once again, defeating Davis via majority decision in March 2012 at Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey.

However, Davis looks to be on the rise, and she certainly showed her potential in defeating Rosi Sexton in her Octagon debut at UFC 161. If her and Kaufman ever meet for a trilogy match, it’s possible Davis might finally get a win over her rival.